Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could you forgive your partner / spouse if they called you

526 replies

sunshineandroses25 · 19/06/2025 15:57

A fat cunt.. during an argument?

I’ve been dating a man for 3 months, not exclusive yet but very strong feelings and we were definitely heading in that direction. We had a bit of a tiff last night, things got heated and he called me a fat cunt and blocked me.

He messaged me today and apologised profusely, said he didn’t mean it.

I’m not sure if I can get past it though. He knows I’m insecure about my weight, we’ve talked about it a few times. I’ve dated men in the past who treated me like shit and always put me down because of my weight. He knows all of this. I just feel like it was such a low blow and I would never comment on his looks (he has insecurities too). It’s also made me think is that what he really thinks of me…

OP posts:
SharpFox · 21/06/2025 06:52

Woah, one argument and he's gone straight for the jugular! No way! Get rid. He knows your insecurities and went straight there. I promise you this will happen again if u continue this relationship. He's shown u his true colours.

MrsKeats · 21/06/2025 07:19

Absolutely not.

mukk · 21/06/2025 07:24

sunshineandroses25 · 19/06/2025 16:54

Thank you all for responding.

We found ourselves in a disagreement when I asked him whether he was seeking a sexual relationship (we have previously been intimate, but he recently made several comments that implied he was only interested in fun). He became quite annoyed with me and said that he had already told me he wanted a relationship, accusing me of not believing or trusting him. He said I accused him instead of simply asking, and started making comments like, "he might as well take what he wants from me as that’s what I think of him anyway." I told him he was being a dick mocking me, which prompted him to respond, "it’s not normal for your tits to bounce during sex, you fat cunt." and blocked me.

I feel like a mug.

What a horrific thing to say. He said it to inflict damage. Even if you did forgive him (I'm glad you didn't) then you'd never feel comfortable having sex or being naked with him again.

If he ever made the comment about 'how it's not normal for tits to bounce during sex' among male friends he'd be ridiculed for all eternity.

Even without what he said at the end of the argument all of the rest of it was awful too, gaslighting and designed to shut you up so that you'd never challenge him again. You may have forgiven that part..so at least he did you a favour by showing his true colours.

Channellingsophistication · 21/06/2025 08:21

What a terrible thing to say to you.

Glad you have got rid of him. He has shown you who he is.

MyTwinklyPanda · 21/06/2025 08:33

You've only been dating a short time and this is a massive red flags. You'd be opening yourself up to more abuse if you forgave him. There are men out there who love bigger/curvier ladies. Make it your quest to find one, not a pig of a man who thinks it's OK to call someone that name just because of a tiff!! You need a man not an immature idiot who can't handle his temper in a small argument. He sounds like he'd easily fly off the handle!!

Ooodelally · 21/06/2025 08:36

I’m glad you’ve blocked him. Please keep him blocked and don’t give him a further thought. What a vile little man.

Sup3rm00n · 21/06/2025 12:04

No way. You're only 3 months in. The insults will just get worse

HevenlyMeS · 21/06/2025 12:08

Completely Concur With You
It's Immensely Sad 💚🌼💚

Wendiej · 21/06/2025 12:34

Totally not 3 months in a relationship and thats so disrespectful and very hurtful towards u ,your better than that huni x

HevenlyMeS · 21/06/2025 12:46

Most Surely She's Much Better Than This & Deserves The Utmost Very Best

GettingFestiveNow · 21/06/2025 12:49

If you tolerate this (never mind the harm that would do to you) then he will get worse. Please don't see him again.

LoyalShaker · 21/06/2025 17:45

I couldn't get past this I am afraid. It shows disrespect and even though he has apologised, I wouldn't be able to forgive him. You are worth more than this. Also, the fact he blocked you straight after, shows immaturity. I would get out now and find someone who treats you with respect and loves you for how you are.

Skybluepinky · 21/06/2025 17:58

Get rid you are worth so much more.

Justthinking01 · 21/06/2025 18:01

What was said prior to him using this terminology.
This is only one side of an argument at the moment.

MILLOMAN · 21/06/2025 18:08

Forget what he said, well, don't let it bother you, just laugh. Forgive him though, because forgivings is to clear the way for you in an emotional way. It really means 'for-giving' yourself a break and fixing your upset which is a low vibe, and therefore no good for you.

Alwaytired44 · 21/06/2025 18:14

sunshineandroses25 · 19/06/2025 15:57

A fat cunt.. during an argument?

I’ve been dating a man for 3 months, not exclusive yet but very strong feelings and we were definitely heading in that direction. We had a bit of a tiff last night, things got heated and he called me a fat cunt and blocked me.

He messaged me today and apologised profusely, said he didn’t mean it.

I’m not sure if I can get past it though. He knows I’m insecure about my weight, we’ve talked about it a few times. I’ve dated men in the past who treated me like shit and always put me down because of my weight. He knows all of this. I just feel like it was such a low blow and I would never comment on his looks (he has insecurities too). It’s also made me think is that what he really thinks of me…

I was with ‘Prince Charming’ for 8 months, good looking, popular, said all the right things until one day he called me the exact same name and it knocked me for six. I forgave him but it was never the same. Because I forgave him, that paved the way for more name calling, abuse and 2 years of sheer hell until HE left ME for someone else as I became too weak to be the one to end it. He was a true narcissist and it all became apparent from the day he called me that name. I speak from experience when I say, get out while you can. 19 years later and I’ve never got over what he put me through despite being now happily married with a family.

Notshurewhatnow · 21/06/2025 18:19

Justthinking01 · 21/06/2025 18:01

What was said prior to him using this terminology.
This is only one side of an argument at the moment.

Utterly irrelevant. Name calling of that sort is completely unacceptable to most women - at least on this thread and not something anyone should tolerate.

Even if she had ‘provoked’ him in some way, the fact he chose that insult as retaliation is still very telling and indicative of a dysfunctional relationship and worse things to come .

If I ever started calling my partner names like that or was called names like that by him - no matter the context - I’d know our relationship was now deeply unhealthy and it was time to go our separate ways.

The first 3-6 months should really be the honeymoons period of a relationship, if this is what’s happening now it’s bound to get worse.

No kids, no marriage, no shared house - only an idiot would stick around for more abuse.

Justthinking01 · 21/06/2025 18:42

You've just proved my point.

Either this was way out the blue and NOT good. time for the OP to let go and move on

Or, the OP has a temper says things in arguments and doesn't like the responses back in defence . He should move om from OP.

ERthree · 21/06/2025 18:42

Wow, 3 months and he thinks he can talk to you like that then get away with by apologising ! Surely you are worth more than this ? No you can't change him and make him a better person. RUN RUN RUN.

Trillie · 21/06/2025 18:43

He’s not your partner or your spouse, he’s someone you’ve been dating who has just let you know what an unpleasant individual he is when he’s crossed. Not sure why you need to discuss this further, you don’t need this in your life.

BBW53 · 21/06/2025 18:43

Nope, no forgiveness for that after such a short period of time. There are plenty more fish in the sea (even for overweight people) Find someone that treasures you for who you are. My own mother once marvelled at how much my husband loves me “even though he can barely get his arms round you” - suffice to say my husband helps defend me against some of my mother’s cruelest comments!

MizzThang · 21/06/2025 18:59

My BF called me by his mother’s name during a tiff. We’re both men.

SmudgeHughes · 21/06/2025 19:32

I could never forgive a person who resorted to that kind of language and aggressiveness. They will do it again. I’d drop him immediately.

dh280125 · 21/06/2025 19:42

No way. Make him history.

Donttellempike · 21/06/2025 19:53

sunshineandroses25 · 19/06/2025 15:57

A fat cunt.. during an argument?

I’ve been dating a man for 3 months, not exclusive yet but very strong feelings and we were definitely heading in that direction. We had a bit of a tiff last night, things got heated and he called me a fat cunt and blocked me.

He messaged me today and apologised profusely, said he didn’t mean it.

I’m not sure if I can get past it though. He knows I’m insecure about my weight, we’ve talked about it a few times. I’ve dated men in the past who treated me like shit and always put me down because of my weight. He knows all of this. I just feel like it was such a low blow and I would never comment on his looks (he has insecurities too). It’s also made me think is that what he really thinks of me…

No no no.

3 months in? Run away now