I've thrown away 8 years of my life

[PinkImbrella]

Eight years ago I moved to be with my DP in his hometown. I spent eight years feeling hugely frustrated and isolated because he lives in the middle of nowhere. I made it work by twisting myself into knots, finding loads of creative workarounds - luckily my work is entirely remote so I could head off and travel but always tethered by his unwillingness to leave this small town. He kept saying "not now" or "nows not the time". We had loads of arguments about it over the years. The relationship was otherwise loving and supportive.

Two days ago he said "not now" again and I said the time for not nowing is gone, its been eight years. He finally came out with it and said he wouldn't move away from his mother - that its visceral.

Clearly this is the end then. I just feel like such a fucking mug. I feel angry at him for not having told me right from the start it would come down to this. Im so angry at myself for not seeing what was staring me right in the face. I feel so stupid. Im 38 now. I never desperately wanted kids, but i would have had them i think - its just I didn't want to be trapped in a place I hated.

Why didn't I just face up to what was clearly the reality?

Sounds like the kind of place good to visit but not to live in. My friend isn't interested in shopping but had a good time and thought it interesting. I've never been.

A deposit is about more than a bit of cleaning. Its about the property being left in good order so that all that is needed is a good clean and a minor repair.

I'm sure you kept it all in good order and relatively clean (ie not student house style with rancid loos and disgusting ovens) and you didn't break the windows or stub out ciggies on the carpets..

So therefore, apart from the cleaning allowance - you should get your share of the deposit back.

It will be interesting to see if your friend is right about the money. I don't think you should pay anymore money towards the rent and definitely keep your deposit money, if the landlord returns it. You left him a TV and washing machine plus several other electrical items that you had paid for and he either gets to keep them or sell them, either way he is quids in. Time for the 43 year old man child to financially stand on his own two feet. I really hope teddy is returned to you soon.

Love this - 🧸 Ou es-tu, maman? 🥰 😄

Hi @PinkImbrella i was in Brighton last week. Don’t think it’s worth all the hype that it gets. It just seems flats everywhere. Expensive parking and hardly any parking where the flats are. Moving in with your aunt would be a good move if it’ll help you save up. Please have another thread as we’ve been on this journey with you even though you think that thread will be mundane.

I don't believe he hasn't read the letter because he "doesn't have the heart", I think he doesn't want to be hit with home truths/the reality because that would be a lot for him to reconcile with.

Please start the “To Lancaster and beyond” thread and post the link in here.

I think we are all invested in your future decisions.

Hi @PinkImbrella

I've been lurking on your thread, didn't post as you already had such great support and I didn't really feel there was much I could add. My ears pricked up at Lancaster though - I've been there (here!) for over 25 years and can recommend it. Having got a sense of you from this thread (to the extent that that's ever possible online!) I think you'd like it. PM me if you'd like any local info.

All the best for your new life 🙂

I don’t believe he hasn’t read the letter. Admitting he did would mean he might be expected to address some of the points , face some culpability or something. Better to pretend ignorance.
My bias showing through…I learned never to believe a word from an ex mouth unless corroborated by someone independent 🤣 They don’t admit to anything lest it trip them up later

@PinkImbrella

Please consider ' To Lancaster and Beyond '

we need to know if you get Teddy back ! and this thread is nearly finished.

@PinkImbrella I’m a smidge down the road from you in Colne but if you ever want to meet a random stranger if the internet and explore the area do shout.

I can comment well having lived all over London and Brighton too. Can confirm Worthing is a great place if you want:
-A lovely quiet beach
-Beautiful countryside and walking nearby
-Friendly safe community, quite diverse and queer friendly
Very good cafes restaurants pubs and bars (both traditional and also natural wines bars and small plates etc, craft breweries for Brighton vibes)
-Good schools
-Leafy parks
-Decent town centre with walkable shops
Three train stations(!) and an easy enough commute straight to Victoria/East Croydon/Clapham, and Brighton of course
-Decent parking (especially compared to Brighton)
And affordable homes! I bought my three bedroom house in a good area for only 30k more than my one bedroom flat in Brighton- and for the price of a one bedroom flat in Zone 3 London.
For us it's been a no brainer and we love it, we're in our 30s and lots of our friends are following suit.
-Best areas: Check it out in person. Personally we're near the station on a leafy nice street, Tarring (West) is also desirable. But the best way to ascertain is to go and walk around.

@seasidedweller88

I rather think the Op relocated to Lancaster ( last Thursday ? ). See her post 2 posts above yours...