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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:36

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 21:32

Number of men who have now randomly PMd me as a result of this thread?

Four.

Now that is grim.

Given the update, can you honestly not see how that gives men more power to view women as sexual objects and feel even more emboldened to treat them as such ? I doubt you'll succumb to seeing my (and others) perspective, but the proof is now there...

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 21:40

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:36

Given the update, can you honestly not see how that gives men more power to view women as sexual objects and feel even more emboldened to treat them as such ? I doubt you'll succumb to seeing my (and others) perspective, but the proof is now there...

You are obsessed!

Praying4Peace · 10/06/2025 21:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 21:12

What's worrying?

15 year old understanding that it's OK that her mum is having casual sex at home????

Laura95167 · 10/06/2025 21:41

Not to be awful but if you'd just dressed would she not smell "sex and sweat"... urgh.

Assuming she didn't read the room.. AND asks why he was there... Andy popped buy to help recommend some stuff for decorating my room/fixed my tv/helped fix a bathroom leak/changed a fuse in my lamp literally any DIY/heavy lifting job upstairs would do as an excuse

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 21:42

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@SwimSwamSwimSwam

?

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 21:42

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Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 21:43

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:34

Check out the OPs unfortunate latest update...

I'd say that was more playing in the hands of the patriarchy..

@SquashedMallow

i don’t know why you are referring to? Op hasn’t had any unfortunate episodes

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 21:43

Sunholidays · 10/06/2025 21:27

I disagree. A mother lying to her DD about a relationship she has, is not ideal.

All explanations need to be age appropriate. As the DD is 15, she can handle the truth. Obvs. there is no need to go into detail but lying is not on IMO.

It isn't a serious relationship so DD doesn't need to know.

Having a private life isn't lying.

Sunholidays · 10/06/2025 21:44

Praying4Peace · 10/06/2025 21:40

15 year old understanding that it's OK that her mum is having casual sex at home????

This is not worrying. It is the reality of living in the 21st century in a free country....

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 21:44

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WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 21:45

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Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 21:45

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 21:43

It isn't a serious relationship so DD doesn't need to know.

Having a private life isn't lying.

THIS!!! And OP is entitled to a private life

Oldwmn · 10/06/2025 21:49

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 21:32

Number of men who have now randomly PMd me as a result of this thread?

Four.

Now that is grim.

😮🤮

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 21:51

Laura95167 · 10/06/2025 21:41

Not to be awful but if you'd just dressed would she not smell "sex and sweat"... urgh.

Assuming she didn't read the room.. AND asks why he was there... Andy popped buy to help recommend some stuff for decorating my room/fixed my tv/helped fix a bathroom leak/changed a fuse in my lamp literally any DIY/heavy lifting job upstairs would do as an excuse

Slightly offended by how smelly you think things get when I have sex, ha!

We were a few minutes post-getting dressed. But it was probably a good half hour since any shagging had occurred. Cuddle, cuppa, showers. The heady scent of our love would have long dissipated! Had she arrived ten minutes earlier I’d have been half dressed and he’d have been in the shower.

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:53

This reply has been deleted

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Conducting advanced searches on people is passive aggressive and "bullying" behaviour. I will be reporting you if you continue to play "hunt you down" gotchas. I'm not responding to you further

Hmm1234 · 10/06/2025 21:54

How desperate can you be to mess with one of the school dads

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 21:54

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I couldn’t agree more!!

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 21:54

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:53

Conducting advanced searches on people is passive aggressive and "bullying" behaviour. I will be reporting you if you continue to play "hunt you down" gotchas. I'm not responding to you further

I don't give a shit. Mumset is not that important to me. Own it.

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:55

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 21:54

I couldn’t agree more!!

Reported for thread derailment and personal attack

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 21:55

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:36

Given the update, can you honestly not see how that gives men more power to view women as sexual objects and feel even more emboldened to treat them as such ? I doubt you'll succumb to seeing my (and others) perspective, but the proof is now there...

Of course you believe it is OP's fault and not the men. It isn't the first time women have got messages on here and it won't be the last time, sometimes sex isn't even the topic.

Some men are awful to women and that will never change, especially when we blame women for their actions.

SamkaSabrinka · 10/06/2025 21:56

Sunholidays · 10/06/2025 20:54

I don't get why everybody is so keen on keeping the truth from her daughter. Then keep it v quiet in future. Be even more careful. Because she doesn't need to deal with thinking about that private aspect of your life
Why? The DD is old enough to be having sex herself. She will know what this is about and understand it. I'm sure she does not expect her mum to be celibate forever.

So, with respect, maybe you haven't experienced this situation. It's bad enough for a teen having to cope with their parents having sex. Having sex with a totally different guy is genuinely upsetting/tricky for them. And OP is protecting her girl from that. And I think she's right.

Why does a teenager need to think about and deal with her mum having sexual desires, needs and an actual bloke? Her friend's dad? So unnecessary. The kid has enough on doing her exams/work etc. No need to load that on to her too.

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 21:56

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:53

Conducting advanced searches on people is passive aggressive and "bullying" behaviour. I will be reporting you if you continue to play "hunt you down" gotchas. I'm not responding to you further

Calm down dear…

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 21:56

Hmm1234 · 10/06/2025 21:54

How desperate can you be to mess with one of the school dads

Is he desperate too or just OP?

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:57

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 21:40

You are obsessed!

How am I obsessed. I've literally just pointed out the OPs own update in relation to accusations against me and my points. You and your mate on here are obsessed to be advertising doing advanced searches on people and derailing a thread.

carchi · 10/06/2025 21:57

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 21:27

But it's not just about the OPs daughter is it ? This attitude towards sex is being promoted it seems on here, and this will obviously then filter down to the next generations. I think it'd a little naive to not see that's problematic.

Why is sex between two consenting adults problematic?

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