Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

If you read the OPS few posts you’ll find out.

👍

Grim comments 🙄 Ffs! Also, doubting that he's single just from the post!

I'd agree to keep it vague, we have saying about my brother that he tells lies, then proves them. Too much information = Obvious lie.

"They will figure out later and wonder why you lied..."

Then you'd say, it's because you were 15, probably didn't want to know about my sex life, certainly didn't need to, and it's none of your business, as it wasn't then.

Only a very odd adult child would be at all put out about that. I would give my mum a high five if she told me that now, then I'd thank her for not "grossing out" teenage me who was yet to come to terms with the fact that older adults bonk.

OP I think your attitude is amazing and f'ing bravo to you.

I would just assume your DD doesn't want to discuss it and more than you do.

Wish I was getting a Monday day shag and a cuppa.

Congrats OP, Just front it out. Fictional stories will always be found out and will be laughed at. See all the probs politicians have when they try and keep secrets.
Look her straight in the eye and answer any questions honestly with a smile.
Many teens would like life to be a 'soap'.

Yes but can we agree that 2 hours is greedy and we can hate her for that?

Oh, those days of long afternoon sex!

not jealous at all

Unless she’s particularly naive, she’s going to think there’s something sexual going on.

Unless you want her to think you’re in a romantic relationship, I’d be inclined to tell her the truth. She’s old enough to understand.

This thread has properly dragged'em out... loving the combination of insanely judgmental, prudish and entirely irrelevant (OP - as well as what work you do and the precise circumstances of your DD's return, we need to know exactly what you and the FWB were wearing and your FWB's favourite Spice Girl before we can possibly comment).

I'm on the gentle honesty side. Don't mention sex, but let your DD know you see each other casually, and then she can ask more if she wants (and you can decide at what point it's your business only, and tell her that). Good luck!

Nothing wrong with what you were doing but don’t insult your daughter’s intelligence. She knows. Unless you were having a carpet fitted or he was putting up wardrobes, it would have been obvious you were having sex. If it was coffee and a friendly chat you would be downstairs in the living room or kitchen. I used to hate being a teenager and my parents treating me like I was stupid.

I bet you’re a right drama queen in real life 😆

'Even for MN I’m surprised by the ‘grim’ stuff. Two single people in their 40s having sex occasionally. It’s hardly orgies in an opium den. I’m absolutely not wasting my time trying to justify it.'

And that's fine but you live with a 15yr old so next time make sure the doors are locked with the key in the lock so she can't open. As you say imagine if it'd been 10mins earlier.

Having sex is fine, it'd maybe just be difficult explaining a nsa sex situation to a 15yr old when I'm presuming you wouldn't be too impressed if she did the same.

For me you’re missing the point. It’s not about “being put out”. It’s about the lie. I’m not saying she should discuss it with her at length. I’m saying she should say “we’re on friendly terms and seeing each other occasionally” not “he comes around every Monday for a midday boink and a cup of tea”. She’s 15 not 5 and most likely not completely oblivious to life. It’s my view point - I don’t like to lie to my children and make a rule of not doing so (yes, yes I know I lied about the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa). I also don’t quite like the line “it’s none of your business” which may be true but again I don’t like it and don’t say it to my kids. Each to their own. I certainly wouldn’t give my mum a high five if she told me now for having sex but wouldn’t have been grossed out either at 15. As I said each to their own.

“Why did it have to be your DDs friends dad”

Maybe because the pool of single, sane, sexually attractive men in their 40s is more of a puddle.

🤪😆😁

Next time leave the key in the front and back door so she has to ring the bell.

Otherwise just style it out this time. (I don't think you've done anything wrong and I'm probably quite pearl clutchy at the best of times)

Ah cross posted with another poster

Well at 15 it wouldn’t be legal, so I’m not sure the two can be compared?

I guess if it's gonna come out, it's out now.
But you don't need to say you've been shagging him. She'll know soon enough if he is though but you're allowed a private life.

this! She knows. Up to you what you want to tell her- but I guess you need to be upfront at least partly. She’ll probably have questions (and he is coming in to her home…)

I wouldn't say anything. Your sex life, especially when it is a casual FWB thing is none of her business. You are allowed a private life and your 15 year old daughter isn't entitled to know everything.

I don't have children so perhaps this is my ignorance but it seems absolutely wild to me that OP isn't allowed to have a private life! Someone said it happened in daughter's house so daughter has a right to know. What? Does daughter have a right to know about your bowel movements? Should daughter be involved in fixing the mortgage?

Why? This is 2 consenting adults doing something that works for them both in their own free time.

I would tell her he was upstairs to do some DIY type thing and you offered him a coffee and didn't want to leave him up there on his own so brought your own coffee up at the same time.

Probably best to clear this story with him too so that when/if his daughter asks him, you both give the same answer.

I think she'll believe it - children rarely think their parents are sexual beings!

Grim. Honestly just horrible. Your poor dd. You will end up being the talk of school, as will he.

I don't disagree with “we’re on friendly terms and seeing each other occasionally” or something to that effect but OP pretty much already said that. Unless by "seeing each other" you're suggesting implying dating but that's possibly less accurate. It's not "lying" to have a private life from your children imo.