Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Say you're seeing each other casually and don't plan to get serious.
She and friend can draw own conclusions. If it was my teens they'd just outright ask about sex and I'd just say mind your own 😊

Since you intend to continue with this handy arrangement, I’d be honest with your DD.

It's not the casual sex people are saying is grim, it's the fact that you picked your DD friends' dad to do it with.

Probably because if things go south, daughter and friend will be uncomfortable or their friendship might be at an end.

This is one of those don't fuck your kids' friends parents things.

Why did she come home early?

If doing her GCSEs then you took one hell of a risk given dropping back post exams / revision leave exactly is very likely

and if not doing her GCSEs…. Why? She came back for lunch? Or was she skivving?

Definitely this. The DD might guess that they were shagging but she would prefer the plausible deniability scenario of them just being friends. IME teenagers don't actually assume their parents are having sex when it might appear obvious to an adult because teenagers don't automatically consider their parents as people who might want to have sex. Just breeze over it. It's not lying, you are friends, and why would you need to add the unnecessary detail that you have sex with him??

Style it out!!!

South? It's a FWB. How far south do you think it could go?

And if you do, not in the family home

When you say you wondered dont you know the year 11s are now on study leave and most have been from at least half term. This morning was a science exam... then they get dismissed. Aren't you involved with her exams ?

teenagers can be entirely self absorbed in their world, but that doesn't mean they aren't perceptive. she might have already deduce what's happening and honestly she's at an age that is complicated enough, i would actually be honest with her, tell the truth but also trust her to be discreet about it. and hopefully she'll trust you enough to come to you soon with her own love & sex life issues.

but you know her better than us, so up to you

Not all schools have study leave. My DS has been expected to be in school every day exam or not. Do you not know that? 🤨

You only need to read the multiple threads on here about FWB scenarios that have gone wrong to see that they can go very far south indeed.

She'll definitely know what friends with benefits are - how likely she is to link that to her own mother, I don't know... My 16-year old son is resolute in his conviction that I am NOT a sexual being, so it wouldn't enter his head that there was anything going on, because I'm his MUM and mums do NOT have lustful thoughts. He'd have to catch us naked to make that leap.

I would just keep an eye on her for any weirdness/signs she 'knows', and if there are none, not say a word.

And I don't think it's grim - I'm jealous, if I'm honest. Sounds very mature.

Eh, the only 'south' I ever see on threads about FWB is when it's fizzling out because one person wants more than the other or has met someone else. Hardly Cathy Heathcliff levels of drama.

Two hours TOIL, what do you do with the spare 90 minutes?

🤣

Call me old fashioned but derogatory all around and a bad example to your teenage daughter

There’s always one.

Mumsnet by the look of it!

Why aren’t their parents at work during the day?

Maybe not, but when there are teens involved, it could easily end up turned into something major.

I just think it's not a wise idea to shag the parents of your kids' friends. There are plenty of other men to have casual sex with

Quote of the day

Oh FFS, the puritanical ‘grim’ comments. Two consenting adults having a mutually beneficial physical relationship and her DD is 15 not bloody 8. Enough with the judgement!

You’re old fashioned and judgemental and I’ve no idea what’s derogatory got to do with it!

I don't know what's funnier. The attitude of some people who think this is 'grim' or the responses to those calling it grim 😂 brilliant all around. Well done OP for getting some on a Monday afternoon!