My husband doesn’t want to share finances

[Dreamyhaze85]

We have only been married under a year and I am now pregnant. My husband earns a fortune through his business and also has thousands of pounds in cash every month. I work for the nhs and take home £2200 a month and just spend £500 a month on food. Husband pays for everything else. He has 8 cars, Rolex, designer clothes and can pretty much afford to do anything he wants. I've just gotten into debt paying vet bills for my dog. Husband will decide on all aspects of what he spends money on (holidays, house renovation, furniture, cars) and I have very little say in anything. Now I am pregnant I hate the thought of having no control over mine and my child's future. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to share finances and have a joint bank account. I tried to speak to him about this and he said no. He was willing for us to both put £1500 in a joint bank account and I can buy the food from this. I will therefore still have no say over our future and what he spends money on. He said I can never be equal to him as he earns more. He doesn't want me to go back to work after the baby is born and he is going to sleep in the spare room and go to work. What do you think?

You are married but don't have family money to pay for the dog?

He thinks you're not his equal? I think you know the answer op.

It's blindingly obvious that this man isn't fit to be married. You need to get out fast and get child support, OP.

Why did you marry him?!?

on the plus side, you’d actually get more money in a settlement if you divorced than what he’s currently contributing!!

This won’t get any better.

Nail down your contraception.

Pull the plug now.

Speak to a divorce lawyer ASAP.

Leave him

Get away from him and enjoy your own money with the hefty divorce settlement and child support he’ll have you pay you which will be way more than what he’s offering you now

This is awful. Did you know he was financially and otherwise controlling before you married? After only a year of marriage you will have more or less what you had on the day you married if you divorce. Your child will get child support.

If you leave where will you go?

Not necessarily - if they have been cohabiting for years that will count towards the length of the marriage, and the parties’ needs trump everything else. OP has a young child and would have reduced earning capacity.

she will be financially better off if she leaves him but the sounds of it.

he sounds like a total arse. What man doesn’t want to support his pregnant wife?!?

Leave - he’s financially abusive
was this a quick relationship where you got married without much time together
if you can gather anything you can to show his assets - bank statements, pictures of watches and cars etc
he will never ever put you or your child first
hes a shitty person who will see you in debt rather than pool family money

That's true about prior cohabitation counting towards length of relationship. I forgot that bit!

I think that unless you take action now, you’ll be here in 5, 10, 15 years talking about how trapped you feel.

I also think that you should quietly gather as much evidence as you can about his income and earnings from his business. If it’s ‘his’ business, and given how he comes across in your post, I think he’d be the type of man to hide earnings to avoid paying child support.

i think you’d be an utter fool to give up work once the baby is here, you’ll be completely trapped.

but mostly I think you’d should find a good divorce lawyer. One who’s good at dealing with financial abusers.

What they all said^

What an awful, awful, selfish man.

Speak to a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. It's not in yours, or your unborns child's best interests to live your one short and precious life with this ridiculous specimen of a man. 💐

Omg this is not a partnership ! You got in debt over a vets bill whilst he had his wage plus thousands in cash , disgusting. He is financially abusive put your foot down and threaten to leave him if he doesn’t become fairer . ( for context the day my now dh moved in he went straight to the bank and added me onto his account )

What does he think you are going to live off if you don t return to work - fresh air. If he didn't want to share finances, he shouldn't have got married.

Oh dear. There's a line between protecting yourself from a gold-digger, and refusal to share, trust, to the extent it's controlling. He's crossed it!
So he expects you - after baby is born - to do 100% of the childcare while he sleeps in another room, you earn nothing and presumably get given housekeeping / pocket money? Welcome to 1925......
He needs to learn to share, to trust. And you need some degree of financial independence. I would worry that this does not bode well for the future - you're going to feel constant resentment, I'd also place bets that his control over your life will only increase. Address it now or resign yourself to a gilded cage for you to make babies in.
I'm sure there will be plenty of LTB posts on here - I'm not always on that particular page, but this is seriously unhealthy, one way or another you shouldn't carry on like this.

She’s pregnant.

I would try to talk to him again about it and tell him that it’s THE only way you can have an equal marriage. If he refuses I’d honestly leave him - a genuine LTB I’m afraid. My DH earns 3 x what I earn and I can’t imagine him flashing around in a Rolex while I get into debt to pay a vet bill. He sounds vile. Get a good divorce lawyer.

He’s going to have to increase his contribution when the child arrives.

As an aside, if you only spend £500 a month from your wage, what do you do with the remaining £1700? How come you incurred debt for the dog?

Can i ask why you married this man in the first place? Does he have or ‘had ‘ any redeeming qualities before you got married?
( i hope you didn't marry just for his finances)
He seems to not want anything to do with you or the baby - saying he will sleep in the spare room etc

Do you want to have his child?

I wouldn't.

How far along are you?

Get out. Now. This will only get worse. Trust me

OMG I misread…

@Dreamyhaze85 - consult with an experienced family solicitor to determine the best way forward!

That was my first thought…