My husband doesn’t want to share finances

[Dreamyhaze85]

We have only been married under a year and I am now pregnant. My husband earns a fortune through his business and also has thousands of pounds in cash every month. I work for the nhs and take home £2200 a month and just spend £500 a month on food. Husband pays for everything else. He has 8 cars, Rolex, designer clothes and can pretty much afford to do anything he wants. I've just gotten into debt paying vet bills for my dog. Husband will decide on all aspects of what he spends money on (holidays, house renovation, furniture, cars) and I have very little say in anything. Now I am pregnant I hate the thought of having no control over mine and my child's future. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to share finances and have a joint bank account. I tried to speak to him about this and he said no. He was willing for us to both put £1500 in a joint bank account and I can buy the food from this. I will therefore still have no say over our future and what he spends money on. He said I can never be equal to him as he earns more. He doesn't want me to go back to work after the baby is born and he is going to sleep in the spare room and go to work. What do you think?

Why on EARTH did you marry and have a child with this absolute troll?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Get out now. You’ll be financially better off. He’s an absolute muppet.

This smells of control OP, at the very least he sounds selfish. I think you should consider couples counselling.

Oh FFS , another one 🤦‍♀️.....allegedly 🤔. They live amongst us...silly women

This is awful op, my Dh works hard for us as a family and what he brings home is for us, admittedly he’s not a high earner like your Dh but I can’t imagine him doing this, you deserve so much more.

If this is real then I can only say why on earth did you marry him?!

what is his business with all the cash and cars?

Do t do that.

I had NO idea exactly what I psychopathic bastard my ex bastard was until I was married, pregnant, alienated from my family and on the other side of the Atlantic.

This must be a joke? It’s definitely not a marriage. If I were you OP I’d be out of there swiftly.

Not helpful.

OP, your situation likely won’t improve. Have you talked about what each of you will contribute to the cost of your child?

This.

So after the baby is born, he wants you to stay at home, have no money, be an unpaid skivvy and nanny with no say, and be totally within his control.

Sod that! Have one go at explaining that this is not 1950, you are his wife and his equal partner, and you expect a shared bank account, and you will be going back to work, maintaining your career and your pension.

If he doesn't agree, see a divorce lawyer immediately. What he wants is financial abuse and tantamount to slavery. Get out now while you still have a modicum of independence. Good luck.

He says you can never be his equal? He’s done you a massive favour op. Most men who think that aren’t actually thick enough to say it. But it seems he is!
He has made his feelings very clear. Get out now and go through CMS.

It’s not really clear why you married him or had a child with him. We’re you forced to, like an arranged marriage or something? If you are able, obviously get out now, but I would guess whatever the reason is that you had to marry him/have a child, will be the reason you also can’t divorce?
are you able to leave?

He's actually told you you will never be equal to him. That tells you all you need to know. Please don't stay with him and give up work. It will make it so much harder to escape when he finally wears you down to the point that you can't take it any more, which he will. Whatever you do keep your own income so that you are not trapped in this awful relationship.

How pregnant are you?

If you're not far along OP, I'd seriously consider if this is a road you want to travel down. Anyone who lets their spouse get into debt while they are spending frivolously isn't a kind person. You could end up very trapped while you're not working.

I would explore all your options to divest yourself of your relationship. Your options vary depending on the length of your pregnancy. Either way, I would get out of this financially abusive situation immediately. Quitting your job and making yourself even more vulnerable and leave you and any children you have with few options of escape.

@Dreamyhaze85 why the hell did you not have discussions regarding finances before you got married to this selfish person. he makes all the decisions?? what kind of relationship is that?? he expects you to pay your half when he is most likely on the way to being a millionaire?? Did he just want an heir OP????

Your responses have been terrifying.i could cry. But thank you as he’s making out I’m being ridiculous about this. I can’t think of anything worse than a divorce and being a single mum again. But I have said I really can’t imagine never having any control over my future. I will be powerless over if we can afford a holiday, a new sofa or ever moving house.
this is very much his house and I dream of one day having somewhere that feels more like home.
so he did offer to start a joint bank account after marriage but he doesn’t like me buying clothes (most of my money goes on leisure activities and shopping), so I worried that if we had a joint bank account he would be in control of what I spend money on and I wouldn’t gain anything, so I said no- which he was happy about. It would have just been a 50/50 bank account and he has everything else type affair, which is all he can offer me now. he’s now used this against me and saying that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want to share finances.
so I’m not amazing with finances, but I’m a very, very honest and respectful person and I said I wouldn’t try and start making big decisions or spending his money. He should be able to trust me but he clearly doesn’t. I know everything he owns as he made me get a prenuptial agreement as a little surprise just before the wedding. That was just so I couldn’t claim against his business.
he has a dog and I have a dog. He had encouraged me to take my dog to the vets and mentioned ‘we’ would sort the bill. When charged he let me pay and I was nearly crying as felt that he would have helped. He did later ask if I wanted him to pay half, but it seemed very reluctant I said I had just put it on the credit card.
He does always tell me how lucky I am but he does throw things back in my face with finances, he said earlier most of what he spends his money on is me (he bought a Ted Baker coat for me in the last 5 months), he paid for my cars mot but told me how rude I was for assuming he’d pay (his best friend owns the garage and he spends absolute thousands on all of his cars having them made faster and improved), so I did stupidly assume. He also got me to test drive lots of amazing cars as he was going to buy me one. He then changed his mind and gave me his car that he’d had sat at work ( he has a supercar and 7 other cars). He pays for the diesel through the business and keeps reminding me how lucky I am. I feel I’m going off topic.
we've only been together 3 years, married last summer.

Well at least you have married a rich bloke - should get sone good child support when you split

make sure you get details of what money and income he has

You should be worried.

So far your married life sounds much like how mine started.

And I will be paying for the rest of my life whilst he lives literally Scott free (which is hilarious given that’s his name - hi darling, I know you’re still watching)

Get out, now. His views are deeply entrenched.

Newsfalsh: men lie and then pull the rug once they’ve got their ‘prize’.

Yup. I’d have aborted if I’d have known what I know now.

Bringing children up with an abusive misogynist I’d awful for everyone except the misogynist.

He sounds vile. Seriously consider your options and get legal advice. He’s not going to improve with time.

Is this a joke post?

did you not discuss finances and your future before getting married/pregnant?

this isn’t a relationship of respect and trust.

it’s a relationship of control and dominance.