My husband doesn’t want to share finances

[Dreamyhaze85]

We have only been married under a year and I am now pregnant. My husband earns a fortune through his business and also has thousands of pounds in cash every month. I work for the nhs and take home £2200 a month and just spend £500 a month on food. Husband pays for everything else. He has 8 cars, Rolex, designer clothes and can pretty much afford to do anything he wants. I've just gotten into debt paying vet bills for my dog. Husband will decide on all aspects of what he spends money on (holidays, house renovation, furniture, cars) and I have very little say in anything. Now I am pregnant I hate the thought of having no control over mine and my child's future. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to share finances and have a joint bank account. I tried to speak to him about this and he said no. He was willing for us to both put £1500 in a joint bank account and I can buy the food from this. I will therefore still have no say over our future and what he spends money on. He said I can never be equal to him as he earns more. He doesn't want me to go back to work after the baby is born and he is going to sleep in the spare room and go to work. What do you think?

Oh love, you have landed yourself in a terrible situation with this man. He’s not nice, he’s not kind, frankly he’s an arse of the very worst sort.

If you stay with him, resentment will build and build inside you, until you burst. It will affect your physical and mental health.

Get your ducks in a row, right now. There’s a better life for you than with this abusive partner.

TBH it doesn’t matter what he wants, you’re married and having a child together. Either he behaves in a way that supports you and his child financially and emotionally, or you leave him and he supports you financially!

From what I’ve read on here, Pre-nups aren’t legally binding in the UK so get some good legal advice on where you stand if you separate.

Depending on how far along your pregnancy is, you should also consider if you want to be tied to this self centred prick for the rest of your life and whether you think a man who considers you beneath him will make a decent father to any child, but particularly a girl.

You may be better off cutting your losses than trying to make things work where the power imbalance is such that you’re expected to feel grateful for the bare minimum from him.

If the roles were reversed can you imagine putting someone you love in the position where they’re using credit cards, getting into debt for every day expenses while you buy yourself yet another car?

Is that honestly how you would treat him if you had the money? The way he treats you is how he feels about you.

Bit mad getting pregnant with this financial set up. Still it's done now. I would seek a divorce.

he has 8 cars and you’ve had to get in debt to pay your dogs vet bill? That is extremely sad and completely unbalanced. If it hasn’t changed since you married, how is he going to be with a child?

Did you live together before marriage

I think he is a dickhead.

How long before the wedding were you notified of the prenup.

I would be talking that prenup to a solicitor. It could be thrown out in court
UK law doesn’t automatically recognise pre nups

Also it could be argued that the prenup only protects the value of the property at the time of the prenup. Any uplift in value is part of the marital assets. He won’t be able to claim the £40,000 he spent on the garden as he spent it on a marital asset so he can’t at a later date claim it back.

I would argue that any purchases he has made since marriage are also marital assets.

His business current and past yearly business accounts are on line HMRC.Gov for all the world to see.
I would get copies of these as the value uplift in the company since the date of the marriage could also be argued is another marital asset

I think you need to see a solicitor who specialises in fighting pre nups as a badly worded pre nup could be thrown out of court altogether.

Anyone who needs to convince you that you are lucky is gaslighting you.

If you really were that lucky he wouldn’t need to tell you all the time.

She’s already pregnant.

This isn’t a marriage. A marriage is a partnership sharing everything

Think about the wedding vows.

“All that I have I give to you”

What did he think this meant?

£1500 per month for a maid service with sex, food and surrogacy is not the going rate for these services and I would be telling him that hourly rates now apply.

Yes you live in a nice house but if it is never going to be yours and could be taken away at any time so it really means very little to you

Interested to know if he was married before as he sounds incredibly immature.
I get the vision of one of those men who act like children with their new toy (it’s always men) who ride around London in their Lambos (other supercars apply) and who park them up outside certain high price hotel to show off their status. They think everyone is jealous of them and want their lives. Most people just think they are a joke

Who TF needs 8 Rolex’s

Dont tell me he has an 8 piece watch winder 🤣

Hi op it sounds fucking awful. did you not discuss anything about this before you married. It sounds like your dh has bought you and your just to stay at home doing as your told. What about your pension and national insurance. Sorry but I would be going back to work asap. He sounds like he purchased a wife. I get you don’t want to divorce or be a single mum again but you will be a controlled housewife. What happens when he wants sex does he just tell you. He’s thought everything through. Op your no more than his assets and telling you how lucky you are is just the beginning of his abuse. He sounds like a millionaire and he’s this mean to you. Sorry your trapped.

How pregnant are you @Dreamyhaze85 ? Early enough to terminate and be properly free of this shitty man?

She posted six months ago so may well have had the baby by now!