Husband won’t let me read

[Confusednut]

So been married 16 years…..always been pretty turbulent….now I’m getting older I want my life back and my husband doesn’t like it….not allowed to read, otherwise if I do he goes mad….hates me spending time with our daughter….including helping her revise….cant go swimming or to the gym…..list is endless! I know this is controlling behaviour but what can I do to stop this if anything? I’m actually ready to walk away but thought I’d see if anyone had any ideas to help first

Sounds awful and unacceptable. Has he always been like this or has this behaviour escalated recently?

@Confusednut you are ready to walk away? then why the hell are you still there?????

God why would you want to fix this. Who does he think he is? Any man who tried to stop me reading would get the book rammed down his throat.

Walk. Why would you live like this?! Not allowed to read? wtf?

This is so sad and wrong.

Walk away!!!

When you say it's been turbulent, do you mean there has been violence, verbal abuse or threatening behaviour towards you? Do you fear his reaction to you doing ordinary things like reading or helping your daughter revise?

If this is the case, you are in an abusive relationship and you won't change him. He is behaving like this because he enjoys controlling and terrorising you.

Please contact Women's Aid - they will be able to help you make a plan to leave safely.

You can't change his behaviour. All you can do is leave. Your poor daughter.

Enough is enough. He will not change, things will get worse not better. If you have doubts, just remind yourself that your daughter is being trained (by you both) to think and accept that this is normal. I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy for her to be in this sort of relationship. Either she will be - or she’ll be put off marriage completely.
But if he’s this controlling- you need to get your ducks in a row with money, housing etc .
And change your phone password, delete browsing history.

Erm... So what are you "allowed" to do?

The only option is to leave

What does he expect you to do instead of reading or spending time with your child or doing exercise? Sit by his side the entire time??

To echo others, you've had 16 years of him so you must know deep down he won't change. Start making plans to leave and whenever you wobble about divorcing him, which you may well do, just focus on how lovely it will be when you are in your own place and can create the perfect reading nook where you can enjoy ploughing through your books uninterrupted.

He won't change. You really need to leave.

This is also not a good role model for your DD to be around.

There are no ideas that can change him. 16 years of your life like this? Make sure there are no more years like this - way beyond time to leave.

I had two children with a man like this. He hated me going to the gym, gardening, using my phone and any sort of personal development was laughed at. He would throw tantrums and use the silent treatment. He became physically abusive in the end. There’s only one option… you leave and don’t look back.

That’s the thing. They don’t want you to join them in doing fun things, they just don’t want you to do anything that might bring enjoyment.

It’s incredibly difficult for a perpetrator of domestic abuse to change unless they accept they are abusive and are willing to attend a perpetrator programme or do one on one work with a domestic abuse specialist. If you don’t fear for your physical and emotional safety you can try confronting him about the behaviour and asking him to do the work. If you do fear for your safety it’s best to make an exit plan with professionals, as domestic abuse escalates over time so is only going to get worse and because leaving can be one of the most dangerous times. I’d recommend as a starting point to finding the courage to leave doing the freedom programme online. You should also google domestic abuse support and the name of your county to find a local service and you can refer yourself to them.

Are you financially dependent on your husband? Even if that is the case, he does not own your time and does not get to control how you use it.

This is coercive control, which falls into domestic violence guidelines. You should report him to the police. Please ask for help, and leave as soon as you can, both for your sake, and your daughter's. This is not just an issue in the marriage, but a form of abuse that will only get worse if you stay.

He sounds excessively controlling. Are you reluctant to leave/end the relationship because you think you would be in danger?

You won’t get him to change. Walk away, and please be careful.

This is my worry….pretty sure he won’t change…being together for 19 years two kids youngest 14 is hard to walk away but I can’t live like this

Thank you….this is what I needed to hear, I’ve already started getting things is order….maybe not enough….he told me he hopes I get cancer and die….my daughter heard and stood up to him….i guess that’s the straw that broke the camels back

Your DC are growing up thinking this is how women should be treated

To a point…but I think I will be okay eventually….