FWB more interesting in the B than the F

[SoopriseSooprise]

I've been in a FWB type arrangement with the same guy for over 5 years. Known him as a friend for a bit longer than that beforehand.

We were never mad close texting everyday type friends, but he knows a lot of stuff about me that very few others do, and vice versa.

I've noticed in the past couple of months that he seems to be pulling away from the friendship side of things, and only seems to be interested in the benefits.

E.g. we've gone from meeting at least once a week to meeting about twice a month, and always on his terms.

He's stopped texting me socially and I now only hear from him when he wants to arrange our next meet up.

He no longer stays and chats after the deed. I usually get a "really sorry but I've got to go", or he just starts getting dressed again as soon as he's finished.

Don't get me wrong. The relationship is casual, and that's exactly how I like it, but it's just starting to come off a bit selfish.

He came round on Tuesday and afterwards we made arrangements that he would come back last night and spend the night. Didn't hear anything at all from him all day until 8pm when he cancelled on me. It was a closed-off message which invited no conversation - "Sorry not going to be able to come round tonight, need to be in work early tomorrow. Hope you have a good evening".

I won't hear from him again now until the next time he wants his dick sucked. Sorry for being crude, but thats what it feels like. He got what he wanted on the Tuesday, so I was already expecting him to cancel last night.

Don't really know why I'm posting. I suppose I just wanted to vent, and ask what should I do now? Do I raise it with him or do I just accept this situation is becoming a bit too one-sided than I would like, and call time on it?

I think it’s her analysing the situation (and for months)! Rather than just being upfront/pissed off and stating what her needs are that gives it away.

But whatever- we can agree to disagree!

What did he do to “behave poorly”?

It's a sound bite constructed to make you feel better.

Essentially you sound like you innitially thought this was someone who could be a partner, you fell for him and he probably pursued you and made you feel good, you thought he had feelings.

Next step, he didn't want to progress with a proper relationship (many of these men have long standing primary relationships that they will never leave and many a FWB women then realise there was never any real possibility of a real relationship) you're then left with the sex and with what you feel is a friendship.
This man isn't your friend.

You are a useful and a cheap shag (sorry I don't mean you're cheap) he has made you feel your friendship is special, only you two understand this arrangement, you believe he respects you, he doesn't, five years of him taking advantage and now he is trying to pacify and back away from you because he's probably got another new shiny special one on the go and he doen't want any comebacks from you.

You have never complained and now he just expects you to just accept being dumped.
This guy is horrible and he's going to manipulate you into thinking the end of your arrangement is something you wanted.

Don't waste anymore time defending these types of men, they know what they are doing.

I'm sorry but thats absolutely not whats going on here. I've never wanted to to pursue a relationship with him at any stage. As I said upthread, we are not in the least bit compatible as a couple.

We both wanted sex only, and we discussed the arrangement at length before we even started.

He hasn't "taken advantage for 5 years". The situation was exactly what I wanted until a couple of months ago (which really only equates to seeing each other 3 or 4 times during that period). He has explained the reason why he has been distant on those occasions, and I believe him.

If he continues to be distant then it'll be up to me to decide if or how I want this to continue.

Believe it or not, it is possible for a woman to enjoy a sexual encounter with a man without those pesky feelings getting in the way

We both wanted sex only

well that evolved in to you wanting chats too?

Has he given you a day for the coffee catch up date? Is he planning on stopping by for sex before then?

I think you have feelings for this man but you have been taught to surpress them and demand nothing.

For 5 years you have allowed this man to be the central male figure in your love life.

Do you get anything from him, other than the sex and these polite chats afterwards.

It didn't. We were friends beforehand. Not super close but our communication levels are still the same as before we started having sex.

Yes we've arranged a day and time. No, he won't be getting his end away first.

for 3 months though it’s dried up completely
so none of the “friends”, only the “benefits” and you dont want the “benefits” without the “friends” bit?

I wonder if he’ll change the venue to your place

It didn't dry up completely. We don't meet up and have sex in complete silence. He's just been a bit distant the last couple of times we've met up, then cancelling our plans last minute on the Wednesday evening annoyed me.

He has apologised for not making more of an effort on the friendship side.

Bit different from how you convey the past three months in your op!

He's just been a bit distant the last couple of times we've met up

maybe reread your own op!

and only seems to be interested in the benefits.
E.g. we've gone from meeting at least once a week to meeting about twice a month, and always on his terms.
He's stopped texting me socially and I now only hear from him when he wants to arrange our next meet up.
He no longer stays and chats after the deed. I usually get a "really sorry but I've got to go", or he just starts getting dressed again as soon as he's finished.

and I won't hear from him again now until the next time he wants his dick sucked. Sorry for being crude, but thats what it feels like

but now its a “bit distant the last couple of times”

weird turn around there op

"I've noticed in the past couple of months that he seems to be pulling away from the friendship side of things" is what I've put in my OP ?

These long standing FWB and FB arrangements are to my mind just excuses for cheaters and promiscuous men.

Don't be fooled.

He will have been doing this for years with many women.

He will have lots of 'friends'

He's a hard dog to keep on the porch.
Nothing more.

They always make women feel crap about themselves eventually.

Read all the examples in your op that I post!

You truly think the above is now “a bit distant last couple of times” 😕

I don't care if he's had this arrangement with other women in the past, or even having multiple women alongside me.

We're not a couple. We're not exclusive. We can both do as we please.

You were very open on your op

But you don’t like the inference, not one bit, that he seems to have lost interest. So now it’s all very chummy and back on track.

when your op reveals that you have felt as though you have been sucking his dick for last three months and that’s it

Hasn't been arranging to meet up as frequently. Hasn't been texting as frequently. Rushed off the past 3 or 4 times we met up. Yeah, I'd say that's him being distant?

We can both do as we please.

well no op, he can’t. Because what has “pleased” him for last three months is getting his dick sucked by you, and then leaving immediately, but then hasn’t “please”d you

ok op
to the rest of us, it’s clear what’s going on

Good luck

I don't like the inference that I'm sitting here broken hearted that he might be losing interest. If he is, then so be it. I wouldn't be surprised after 5 years! The sex has normally long dwindled by this time in my previous "proper" relationships