Husband and best friend flirting, am I going over the top?

[Tallulah1084]

Hi, I’d like some unbiased advice please, thanks very much in advance.

My husband is an avid gym goer. Typical weight lifting body, big arms, big chest etc etc. The last 6 months or so though he’s got a lot bigger, more definition etc.

The other day we bumped into my best friend whilst on a dog walk. She Literaly couldn’t take her eyes off him. Kept telling him how big he was, and this was the best he’s ever looked etc. We didn’t really discuss what she said when she went, he was obviously smiling though, happy with the ego boost.

The next few times I’ve seen her, she banged on about him, and always asking how he is etc. This is strange because I’ve been with my husband 15 years and she’s never asked once how he is, let alone give him a compliment.

A couple of nights ago we were in bed and I noticed he was DMing someone. I asked who and it was my friend. He said she’s replied to 1 of his stories and he was just being polite and replying back.This annoyed me as she’s never messaged him before, let alone privately.

Am I being paranoid and going over the top about her behavior? He has mentioned once or twice in the past that he finds her attractive, so maybe that’s in the back of my mind. Would anyone else say anything to their friend or just let it slide and act unbothered.

Blonde, pretty, with a toned body. 🙄

Yep she's after your husband....it happened to me many years ago....my (friend not!!!)was in a unhappy marriage...started with asking my husband advice on how to talk to her husband etc...you get the picture...then was so giggley and flirty..even when I was with him...bigger fool I was ....of course...it then become a secret affair...he was sent packing when I eventually found out...SO if you really want to stay married...tell him ....and drop that friend like a hot potato.....

Thanks for all the response, it’s taken me a while to catch up. Update:

I spoke to my husband again. He did admit he was flattered to start with, but now he says it’s got a bit awkward. He also said he feels
a bit insulted about all the recent ‘attention’, like he wasn’t good enough before. He says she’s always 1 of the 1st people to look at his videos etc online, where she went years without looking at a single thing before.

He said it’s probably just a ‘passing school crush’ and it will probably go soon. Basically playing the whole thing down. He did say he’d show me if she messages him again.

Why can’t he block her ?

this

I feel if he does that, she’d know, then know she’s caused a rift between us, like she’s won. I don’t want her to know we’ve argued or even had discussions about it.

Stuff that! If she says anything you can say you and DH found it a bit awkward that she was so full on so DH felt uncomfortable with her messages.

defo block her.

Tell him to add you to the message creating a group ( and he husband too to make it fair). He doesn't need to say anything. If she carries on with you there you can interject but I bet she won't. All interactions I have with my mates husband's are on a group chat with them and their husbands (and my DH). If she pms him he responds on the group and repeat.

I agree with ColdTofuSandwich. She sounds the persistent type. Block the horny mare.

My husband doesn’t post on social media- actually he has no social media 🤣 so for me the answer is no. But the OP mentioned DM (maybe I misunderstood) which is not open for everyone to see. So no to DM but if it’s an open post he can say thanks - it was in Spain. I mean we are not ones for advertising our lives on SM. But really this is not the case there is more to this clearly than just a reply on a public post - at least from the OP perspective.

I think it sends a lot more of a message if he blocks her.

If he's uncomfortable now, he could tell her that, then block.

Leaving her unblocked implies he's still open to her messaging.

Again. She is not his friend. She is not your friend. She's intent on causing you the worst kind of trouble and doesn't care about the fallout

I think he should tell her that he feels uncomfortable with the situation, without mentioning you, then block her.
If he thinks it’s a crush he should swat it immediately and tell her in no uncertain terms that it makes him feel uncomfortable and you and your marriage come first.

You both need to block her. I’m sorry but you must be daft if you don’t realise she’s actively trying to steal your husband. Your husband clearly likes her flirting and attention otherwise he’d have done something about it:

Nope, you are wrong.

See how it goes. If she continues to keep reaching out then suggest he creates a ‘friends only’ group when posting and doesn’t include her on it so she won’t see his stories.

I think he’s handled it well tbh as long as he sticks to what he says. He’s not minimised as he agrees she’s got a crush on him and even admitted he enjoyed it at first. He also gave you extra evidence like viewing all his stories. He’s agreed to let you know if she messages, so what more can he do at this point?

If you push anymore he’ll see it as controlling/ not trusting him which will cause issues within your relationship. If he’s going to cheat he will find a way. You have done all you can, just keep an eye out and definitely distance yourself from your friend and if you see her make it very embarrassing for her. Maybe she’ll think twice next time she goes after someone’s husband.

Maybe he moves groups to be with the players! Egos and muscles big enough for two women!

This is awful. Please tell me he got some sort of karma later on down the line? I can’t imagine a 30 yr old and 17yr old have much in common. Slimy git!

😂

I agree that blocking her creates a level of 'importance' around her relationship with your DH. Don't give her that drama or power. He needs to Grey Rock her. Online, in person etc.

Deffo no response to any likes/comments from her (unless it's something like "Yeah well, I gotta keep in shape - Tallullah deserves nothing less")

They are both testing the water and crossing that line.....
Nip it in the bud now with both of them. Tell them both that it is inappropriate and hiding behind the old chestnut of 'i was being polite' or 'we're just friends' isn't going to cut it with you.
This is how emotional affairs start. We were just good friends, she needed someone to talk to, I'm allowed to have friends of the opposite sex too you know..... if it looks like bullshit, it smells like bullshit, it's probably bullshit!!!!

Meet her a for a coffee. Sit down, smile then say

"DH mentioned you messaging him. What's that about?"

Let her ramble on.

"You've never messaged him before or even asked after him."

Let her ramble on. Say nothing. Leave.

Don't continue the friendship.

Why do you care what she thinks about him blocking her? You should both block her and be done with it.

🙄

Your H has been playing with fire, @Tallulah1084. He and your so-called Friend fancy each other and lines are being crossed. There’s been a shift in their dynamic. He has been well aware of (first to watch his videos, flirty demeanor) and flattered by her blatant crush, and has acted on it.

You witnessed a sparky moment between them when she was ogling and gushing while he grinned and loved it. She has already been the subject of H and his mates’ group panting, so her OTT salivating would be hugely flattering. His comment that he is getting old sounds like fishing for another compliment from her, which of course she provided. Proof that he is intrigued - they recently
escalated to private messaging, late at night no less. That doesn’t sound like he feels awkward or uncomfortable with her attention. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was fueling her infatuation.

I truly hope that your expressing your discomfort and setting a boundary has stopped him in his tracks and given him pause. She has already targeted him at the gym and will be approaching him again, especially after their bedtime chatting. He needs to stop responding to her online and to gray rock her in person. If she continues her thirsty behavior, he needs to express his discomfort and block her.

As for your relationship with her, I would back way off and create miles of distance. She is after your H and is undeniably not your friend.

Keep standing back and "she'll win" alright! You need to show strength not weakness. I know it's hard but you do need to tell your dh straight that this has gone too far, you know flirting when you see it and she's doing it and he had better put a stop to encouraging it, no more messages, no chats in the gym, he gives her an ice bloke of a cold shoulder. Then you go to your so called friend and ask her straight and in a strong tone "why are you messaging my husband?" Let her babble on about just wanting advice blah blah, then say "Don't message my husband again! Stop flirting around him, he says your embarrassing"...you have problems with your relationship, but you'll have a bigger problem if you keep this up!