Husband and best friend flirting, am I going over the top?

[Tallulah1084]

Hi, I’d like some unbiased advice please, thanks very much in advance.

My husband is an avid gym goer. Typical weight lifting body, big arms, big chest etc etc. The last 6 months or so though he’s got a lot bigger, more definition etc.

The other day we bumped into my best friend whilst on a dog walk. She Literaly couldn’t take her eyes off him. Kept telling him how big he was, and this was the best he’s ever looked etc. We didn’t really discuss what she said when she went, he was obviously smiling though, happy with the ego boost.

The next few times I’ve seen her, she banged on about him, and always asking how he is etc. This is strange because I’ve been with my husband 15 years and she’s never asked once how he is, let alone give him a compliment.

A couple of nights ago we were in bed and I noticed he was DMing someone. I asked who and it was my friend. He said she’s replied to 1 of his stories and he was just being polite and replying back.This annoyed me as she’s never messaged him before, let alone privately.

Am I being paranoid and going over the top about her behavior? He has mentioned once or twice in the past that he finds her attractive, so maybe that’s in the back of my mind. Would anyone else say anything to their friend or just let it slide and act unbothered.

I think the best way to deal with this is to call her out on it, but in a lighthearted way so she doesn’t think she actually has a chance with him. Something along the lines of ‘H showed me your messages. Bit odd that you only started messaging him after you decided he’s become attractive. Do you have a crush or something?’ and then laugh.

Lets her know that whatever she sends your H, he will show you and it makes her look desperate. Hopefully that would stop her. I would then distance myself. Anyone who acts like that is not a friend.

I would also call it for what it is with your H. Tell him you think she’s got a crush now he has muscles when she couldn’t give him the time of day before. Reiterate how shallow that is. Tell him you understand why she likes the look of him, as he looks great, but the most attractive thing about him is how loyal and respectful he is. He might just need his head being given a bit of a wobble as to what’s important, fleeting adoration or long term loving respect.

Tell him you trust him but want him to put in place boundaries and not respond to any messages she sends, as you’re not sure of her intentions. If he really feels it’s rude not to respond then at least agree a response together.

Yes she fancies him and wants to sleep with him

So I'd put the brakes on her

What does she look like?

She's no friend.

This is an affair in the making.

She’s attractive. Blonde, pretty, toned body. So I can see why he would fancy her. Which is fine as I’m not naive enough to think he doesn’t look at other woman in that way. It’s how he acts to the attention.

I remember the Alan Rickman and Emma Thomson thread in Love Actually...... Tell him to "Be careful there."

The next time she’s banging on about him is the time to say something, ask what’s changed as she never used to mention him or message him and now she’s suddenly full on after 15 years and it’s making you uncomfortable.

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy. She’s never messaged him before and is suddenly amping up the contact like this..? They’re both walking a very dangerous line and enjoying it for themselves right in front of your face. Doesn’t matter if it goes further or not. They’ve got a crush and are both getting something out of the level of that they can show. It’s highly disrespectful. Right in front of you too.

I would be on very high alert if I were you.

They are both taking the p!ss! He seriously needs to pull his socks up and just block her if he values you at all.

Agree. I would pull her up in it. “Put your tongue back in your face love, You’re drooling all over the pavement. While we’re on the subject I know you’re messaging him and getting close all of a sudden too - of course he shows me everything. It is coming across as flirting with my husband so I think a few more boundaries would be appropriate.”

I feel like I've read this thread before.

She’s not a loyal friend.
I’d message her and say “Can you stop messaging my husband. It’s inappropriate and embarrassing”

Also when she commented (publicly, for all to see??) that he helped her at the gym one time.. Had you been aware before that moment that he had spent time at the gym at the same time as her and been helping her? Because if he hadn’t… oh boy. He’s hiding getting close and personal with his crush and she’s making sure you find out about it. Bad on all levels.

You are right men do look at other women, but men who really love and value their gf/wife don’t think any other woman can match her. He’s had his head turned and he needs to make his mind up how much he values you because you deserve his full attention.

There are lots of similar situations on Mumsnet. Sadly this is a common scenario.

You've been together 15 years and your only in your thirties...this has 'textbook' written all over it. Sorry OP but I do think you're right to worry

I guess in a way it’s flattering if other woman think he’s had a glow up, and even flirting a little bit in front of me ( still a bit disrespectful ), but private messaging is where I draw the line. He’s told me he won’t respond if she messages him again, but I feel he should have known this to start with.

This is perfect - suggests a united front and calls her out on her behaviour.

I would have a word with her too and tell her to stop messaging. She’s no friend of yours.

A couple of nights ago we were in bed and I noticed he was DMing someone. I asked who and it was my friend. He said she’s replied to 1 of his stories and he was just being polite and replying back.This annoyed me as she’s never messaged him before, let alone privately

You're not being paranoid.

Unless she was sending him compliments or something to do with his body, I can see why he replied. I sometimes reply to be polite as well, and he's more likely to do that seeing as she's your best friend.......(apparently).

Before she has said a few times he was too old for her, she’s about 5 years younger

Total bollocks.

He did know this and he ignored it because he’s testing his boundaries and seeing just how much of this attention he can get away with enjoying.

Did he tell you about helping her out at the gym or dis you find out only when she commented? Because if he didn’t tell you himself the same day it happened… it’s a pretty big omission.

This is Mentionitis OP and is definitely the start of something.

"Mentionitis" refers to the repeated and excessive mentioning of someone, often a person of interest or a potential romantic interest, in conversation, regardless of whether the topic is directly related to them. It can be a sign of infatuation or even a potential warning sign in a relationship, suggesting the person might be emotionally drawn to someone else.”

This, OP. Time to nip it in the bud. He’s enjoying the ego boost, and she’s testing the waters outside her miserable relationship. We’re in dangerous territory here.

Just out of interest, how do you spend your equivalent fourteen dedicated hours a week for your hobby...?

I would never comment on a friend's partner's appearance positively or negativity!! This seems totally out of order to me - I think it's a question of basic manners (both your friend's and your husband's) rather than trust.