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Original poster

Living with Partner three days a fortnight who wants Rent?

264 replies

Ava55 · 03/06/2025 21:38

Hi all,
Please can I get thoughts on this. I’m moving jobs in the next few months and will be spending 3 nights at my partners every fortnight ? He wants what would be a monthly rental ? Is this fair ? Thoughts please ?

OP posts:
MalcolmMoo · 04/06/2025 05:44

I’d get a hotel. Surely as his partner he’d be pleased to have you stay 3 nights a fortnight and spend time with you.

Id buy him dinner out each time but not pay rent!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/06/2025 05:47

Ava55 · 03/06/2025 21:42

Wish it was. It seems really unfair

Show quote history

@Ava55 you know what would make it fair? if you just dumped him and told him to fuck off!!! what a cheek!! definitely isnt love there!

Highlighta · 04/06/2025 05:55

That would be a big fat nope.

To this arrangement AND this relationship.

If this is not a waving big red flag for you OP? .......

Zanatdy · 04/06/2025 05:55

£750? Wow. On his bike. He is meant to be your partner. Sure cover extra costs, but to make a profit? No.

AnOldCynic · 04/06/2025 05:55

@Ava55is this moving into the property where he lives or a different house that he owns? You mention tenant moving out rather than lodger? Surely he can still get another lodger even if you are staying there only 6 days a month?

PruthePrune · 04/06/2025 06:03

Stingy fucker

Flashahah · 04/06/2025 06:03

Nope not acceptable! Dump him!

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:14

Well it seems a lot but what's his side of this?

I'm not jumping to 'he's a cocklodger'. Not when he was charging for the room. There's the lost earnings element.

Is he saying that if you make this arrangement permanent he can't have a lodger again easily as presumably there isn't as much room in the house for 2.5 people? Therefore is it that he doesn't actually wish to get stuck in this position financially whereas it works for you?

I could see this side (yes it would be the same for a woman). You'd accept this agreement as it works for your job and I think he's saying 'ok if you must but I'd rather not mix business and pleasure. I'm sorry but if you need accommodation longish term, you'll need to arrange that or formalise it with me'.

It obviously doesn't sound nice to hear anything but a resounding 'yes' but I can see where he may be coming from. You're asking is it fair but tbh it's a business arrangement that may not suit him.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:19

AnOldCynic · 04/06/2025 05:55

@Ava55is this moving into the property where he lives or a different house that he owns? You mention tenant moving out rather than lodger? Surely he can still get another lodger even if you are staying there only 6 days a month?

Depends on the house, no of bathrooms and toilets etc. having someone else around could make a big difference especially if a smallish flat. I think a lot of answers are pretty knee jerk.

tiv2020 · 04/06/2025 06:20

Ava55 · 03/06/2025 22:20

Yeah and I wouldn’t dream of charging him. He gets the odd bit of milk or bread nothing over that tbh..

Show quote history

OP can you figure out how many nights he spent at yours in 2025 and send him that, x 125 pounds a night, and your bank details?

category12 · 04/06/2025 06:21

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:14

Well it seems a lot but what's his side of this?

I'm not jumping to 'he's a cocklodger'. Not when he was charging for the room. There's the lost earnings element.

Is he saying that if you make this arrangement permanent he can't have a lodger again easily as presumably there isn't as much room in the house for 2.5 people? Therefore is it that he doesn't actually wish to get stuck in this position financially whereas it works for you?

I could see this side (yes it would be the same for a woman). You'd accept this agreement as it works for your job and I think he's saying 'ok if you must but I'd rather not mix business and pleasure. I'm sorry but if you need accommodation longish term, you'll need to arrange that or formalise it with me'.

It obviously doesn't sound nice to hear anything but a resounding 'yes' but I can see where he may be coming from. You're asking is it fair but tbh it's a business arrangement that may not suit him.

That's kind of ridiculous. There's no reason that him having his girlfriend stay over 6 nights a month would stop him from having a lodger.

Unless he shares a bed with his lodger usually. 😂

You'd think a man who loves his girlfriend would actually be quite keen to have her over regularly.

It's not his girlfriend's responsibility to top him up financially because he hasn't got a lodger right now.

Cleaningtroubles2 · 04/06/2025 06:23

He is openly trying to fleece you and is a CF to boot, I am really hoping you are reevaluating the relationship. You will be literally paying him for his services….

courageiscontagious · 04/06/2025 06:24

There’s a typo in the OP.

I think you meant to write “ex” partner.

DorothyStorm · 04/06/2025 06:34

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/06/2025 04:25

I can sort of see his point as that's 6 days a month, so almost a week, right? Pro rata wouldn't be out of line, but not particularly romantic. If he got £750 p/m rent then £150 p/m for a safe place to crash and buy some groceries would be fair. Shoe on the other foot MN would call the guy a cocklodger.

To stay at a boyfriend's house you think it is reasonable?

Cleaningtroubles2 · 04/06/2025 06:41

He really does not value you at all op, you are a walking cash machine he can sometimes have sex with. I could not be anyone this mercenary and grabby.

whataboot · 04/06/2025 06:43

Not a chance! If it were me, I’d definitely contribute in some way either through food or chipping in for bills but not a full month’s ‘rent’.

It leads to the bigger question about him generally - is he mean/tight in other areas? Lack of generosity is really, really unattractive.

Theroadt · 04/06/2025 06:51

I think he’s shown you his true colours here

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2025 06:55

I would throw this one back preferably under a bus. Otherwise if you marry and have kids with him, given a few years, you'll be back on here complaining about how he wants at least a 50% financial contribution for all household and living costs from you whilst you're off on maternity leave receiving statutory pay.

Or he'll require you to return to work the minute the baby has left the womb but all childcare and costs associated with raising the child will have to come out of your wage.

It's a well-worn script. This is your chance to avoid that fate.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:56

category12 · 04/06/2025 06:21

That's kind of ridiculous. There's no reason that him having his girlfriend stay over 6 nights a month would stop him from having a lodger.

Unless he shares a bed with his lodger usually. 😂

You'd think a man who loves his girlfriend would actually be quite keen to have her over regularly.

It's not his girlfriend's responsibility to top him up financially because he hasn't got a lodger right now.

Show quote history

Well no, but it isn't his responsibility to enter into a permanent arrangement where he accommodates her for free so she can accept a job possibly at the expense of attracting a lodger (depending on details). You'll note she didn't mention the lodger/ renter on her OP which I think has really skewed things and is quite pertinent.

As I say, we don't have his side. If being free to take in someone else is a consideration, then yes, she may need to 'top him up' if she wants to stay. It may not exactly seem fair on the surface if she wants to sleep in with him but we have been given very selective facts here. Could be an expensive area. If she wants to get into whether she has her own room and such terms, this imbalance may be what he wants to stay out of when he previously had a paid lodger/ tenant.

It's not romantic but I can really see why anyone may wish to stay out of this obligation. Visits are different as they are more flexible and could work around someone else staying. This could be a conflict of interest he could do without when he's approached the home as a business. She was fine to ask but she isn't entitled to this at all.

See it as a woman who had previously had a renter and a man wanting to stay regularly for work. Very, very different answers. I have absolute confidence of that.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:58

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2025 06:55

I would throw this one back preferably under a bus. Otherwise if you marry and have kids with him, given a few years, you'll be back on here complaining about how he wants at least a 50% financial contribution for all household and living costs from you whilst you're off on maternity leave receiving statutory pay.

Or he'll require you to return to work the minute the baby has left the womb but all childcare and costs associated with raising the child will have to come out of your wage.

It's a well-worn script. This is your chance to avoid that fate.

Jesus, you're staying throw someone under a vehicle for not letting them with her for free? Literally or not that's awful.

LillyPJ · 04/06/2025 07:00

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:58

Jesus, you're staying throw someone under a vehicle for not letting them with her for free? Literally or not that's awful.

Show quote history

'Throwing somebody under a bus' is metaphorical. It's not meant literally.

category12 · 04/06/2025 07:02

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:56

Well no, but it isn't his responsibility to enter into a permanent arrangement where he accommodates her for free so she can accept a job possibly at the expense of attracting a lodger (depending on details). You'll note she didn't mention the lodger/ renter on her OP which I think has really skewed things and is quite pertinent.

As I say, we don't have his side. If being free to take in someone else is a consideration, then yes, she may need to 'top him up' if she wants to stay. It may not exactly seem fair on the surface if she wants to sleep in with him but we have been given very selective facts here. Could be an expensive area. If she wants to get into whether she has her own room and such terms, this imbalance may be what he wants to stay out of when he previously had a paid lodger/ tenant.

It's not romantic but I can really see why anyone may wish to stay out of this obligation. Visits are different as they are more flexible and could work around someone else staying. This could be a conflict of interest he could do without when he's approached the home as a business. She was fine to ask but she isn't entitled to this at all.

See it as a woman who had previously had a renter and a man wanting to stay regularly for work. Very, very different answers. I have absolute confidence of that.

Show quote history

I very much doubt she's expecting to use the lodgers room at his place 😂

You're really reaching. 😂

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2025 07:02

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 06:58

Jesus, you're staying throw someone under a vehicle for not letting them with her for free? Literally or not that's awful.

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I'm glad that's what you took from my post.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 07:04

LillyPJ · 04/06/2025 07:00

'Throwing somebody under a bus' is metaphorical. It's not meant literally.

Show quote history

I know what the set phrase means. This usage didn't mean that. It was used for hyperbolic effect re 'kick him to the kerb'.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 07:04

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2025 07:02

I'm glad that's what you took from my post.

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Blinding response