Living with Partner three days a fortnight who wants Rent?

[Ava55]

Hi all,
Please can I get thoughts on this. I’m moving jobs in the next few months and will be spending 3 nights at my partners every fortnight ? He wants what would be a monthly rental ? Is this fair ? Thoughts please ?

Will he expect you to wash, clean and cook as well?

Presumably he's had OP stay over before, while having a lodger.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to be able to continue to have a lovelife while renting out a room. Rules about who you can have stay over and how long usually apply to the lodger, not the landlord.

Ridiculous and insulting. How often do you stay at his now? How often does he stay at yours?

It’d be reasonable for him to say he doesn’t want you staying on a regular basis for work, as he’d rather choose when he wants to share his space. Or he’ll give it a go but he may decide it’s a bit much later. To manage your expectations and make it clear he doesn’t feel obliged to cohabit on a regular basis. But that’d suggest he’s not really that into you. Someone who enjoys your company would surely relish regular visits.

But to commodify you sharing his bed? He’s not letting the lodger’s room to you is he? So that’s irrelevant. There’s nothing to stop him getting another lodger.

Sounds like he’s taking advantage of you to avoid getting another lodger, possibly so that you can have the place to yourselves when you stay.

I wouldn’t expect to pay a penny, other than in kind for any extra energy/water you use, e.g. by paying for meals/drinks for you both when you’re there.

But after being asked to pay, I wouldn’t stay there again and it’d put me off a more serious relationship with him.

After reading some other replies, OP the only reasoning that I can come up with here is that he actually doesn't want you staying there 6 nights a month.

So he has come up with this ridiculous suggestion, in that it forces you to make another plan.

Which I would do in a heartbeat.

How far is the travel to this workplace every fortnight? Could you not just commute on those days?

Yes, that is a possibility. He doesn't actually want her staying there that much and is hoping it will put her off.

Ridiculous. Don’t do it and really I think you should dump him. Contributing to bills is reasonable but not at £750. He’s trying to fleece you.

3 nights a fortnight? What do you do when you see him normally? Do you not stay at each others houses? get a hotel or air b'n'b and don't let him stay there with you, and maybe get a new boyfriend.

Just because you want to stay 3 nights a fortnight does not mean he can't get another lodger too

£750 / 6 = £125 a night!! Tell him to go get fucked!!

So do you also get the ‘privilege’ of sleeping with him on these nights? It’d be a massive no from me on the whole relationship.

How long have you been seeing each other?
I can’t believe he’s even suggest this…. This is the sort of thing you say when hoping someone will say don’t worry I won’t stay at yours…. Like when workmen give a really high quote because they don’t want the job!….

Can you turn down the job since it will cost you so much for air bnb’s ? Defo end the relationship with this horrible man too!!

Or tell him that if you’re paying full rent you intend to move in to the spare room full time! 😂😂 say you’ll bring all your stuff over next week!
see what he says to that! 😂😂😂

My partner comes and stays at my house 5 -6 nights a month, and I wouldn't dream of asking him to help pay the bills. I just appreciate having his warm snuggly presence next to me on the sofa or in bed.

He was over for 2 nights last week, and he took me out for dinner, which I really appreciated. I would never in a million years ask him to pay anything, but if he brings a pizza for dinner or takes me out for a meal ... I'm grateful. I want to see him, not the inside of his wallet.

£750 for 6 nights a month?! Fuck that.

Scaled up to "living there full time", that's £3750 a month. Unless he lives in a mansion somewhere... Again, fuck that.

This doesn't say a single good thing about his character, or about his attitude towards a woman he presumably loves.

If a friend needed a place to stay a few nights a week and I had a spare room empty I’d say yes, and just ask for a few quid to cover food and washing the bed sheets etc….. a partner who is sharing your bed though?…. And sharing your life for those few nights… and potentially sharing a future with you/kids etc…. I’d say yea and wouldn’t expect anything in return!!

"More to the story" could be OP getting a generous allowance to stay away, paid by her work, he thinking why should she stay for free then.
I did ask that question myself.

What a mean loser you are with.
He has shown you tnough, so at least you can't say you didn't know.

£750??? Absolutely unfair. That's £125 per night. Surely he can still sublet the second room anyway as you'll be in his room? Let him know you'll be charging him £125 for each night he stays at yours going forward! Or better still just book a hotel and get a nice breakfast as well.

It’s reasonable to expect you share food costs on those days but rent is absolutely grasping of him!

I can’t stand tight and ungenerous people so would have to dump him. I might send him an invoice for my time spent with him, though so that he fully understands what a grabby git he is.

What is he going to provide for that, your own ensuite room with coffee making facilities, full English breakfast every morning and a three course dinner with wine every evening? If not tell him where to shove it.

I would be so offended that he even suggested this that I'd stay at a hotel even if it cost twice as much and I wouldn't even visit him while I was there. In fact I probably wouldn't see him ever again.

I have a colleague who lives far away and stays as a lodger in someone’s house here 2 nights a week for work. We’re in a SE commuter town and she’s paying less than £100 a night on an arm’s length arrangement. Perhaps if you’re going to be paying to stay, it would be better to pay a stranger, have your own space, and see the bf (if you even want him as a bf!) as and when you please?

Or potentially she is able to work from home most of the time but attend the office at least 3 days out of 10.

How? He asked her to stay didn't he? She's not moving in, they're in a relationship.... these replies are mad.

@Copperoliverbear or you could have him the same at your place and charge him the same amount. Cancel each others debt out....... I think you should just escape now and find a better or at least different one :D

Wtf??

Let this be a sign to you of what he thinks of your relationship He's very much on his own side OP and likes to keep you at a distance.

I had a company director stay one night a fortnight for years, friend of my H. Fed, wined and drank half a bottle of Bacardi each time. Always arrived with 2 cigarettes in a packet, cadged from then on. Never contributed even a bottle of wine.

One day he, my Husband and daughter walked to the farm shop and this man brought me back a bunch of flowers.
My husband said how nice it was of him.
I told him, well not really as I gave him a sealed pack of cigarettes this morning.
Never had it crossed my mind that he was pocketing his daily expenses, which he was. In all those years he contributed one bunch of flowers.

Oh, I forgot this. On his last visit after my H had gone to bed, he grabbed me. So he thought free sex too.