Partner has asked for my dad’s number and arranged a day out with him?

[Charliechad]

Me and partner have been together for 2 years (in July). He’s had a nice relationship with my family since day 1, they all get along well and my dad likes him and vice versa.

A month ago, my partner asked for my dad’s number. When I asked why he said (jokingly) “none of your business”. He won’t say what he texts my dad, but my dad does mention on the phone that he got my partners message and will reply soon. Today my dad said my partner has asked him to go for a walk at the weekend.

We are very serious about other and have talked about marriage in the future etc., but I’ve never experienced a partner wanting to make so much effort with my dad? Partner said it’s just a walk with them 2 and I can’t go.

I feel like it’s strange, not in a bad way. But just why so secretive?

It’s weird. I wouldn’t be happy with him saying you can’t go. How do you get on with his family?

Coz he’s gonna ask for your dad’s permission to marry you ?
if it’s not that then it’s a bit weird imo

He wants to build a relationship with your Dad.

Assuming all is well in your relationship with your Dad, then this is fine and normal.

I’d assume he’s asking for your hand in marriage. Or maybe because he’s serious about you he wants to get to know your family a bit better.

Asking for the hand

Yep, asking for permission to marry you

I think it's sweet! Presumably you're not worried your dp and your dad are having an affair?

When two people love each other, the man and the woman's father sit around and discuss it first. And once the two men have agreed on it, they let the woman know about it. Very romantic apparently. 🤔

Yeah I think he is discussing his intentions with your dad (hopefully not “asking permission”, bleugh)

Isn't that far more weird than wanting to be friendly with her family in a long term relationship?

Why do men ask the dad anyway? Most people I know their father played a very small part in their upbringing to start with and if their parents divorced it was a couple days a month at that. But somehow he retains the lifetime ownership rights to the daughters.

He’s come over all old fashion and chivalrous! Have you made him binge watch Downton Abbey or something?!

My DH messages my dad and meets up with him sometimes for a walk or cycle, DF is retired and gets bored, I think it's nice

Deffo this

I'd be happy for them.to spend quality time together.
I wouldn't be happy about him asking for my hand in marriage.
I can't what my Dad would think if my dp asked him. He would definitely do a face.
They go to the pub together and do DIY together but they've never been for a walk.
How would you feel about him asking for your hand in marriage?

Oh you know exactly what it is OP, especially by mentioning marriage in your post.

Just play it cool and pretend you think they’re just becoming friends. In the meantime, starting hinting about whether you want him to buy the ring and propose with it or would rather go shopping together!

If the daughter doesnt have a good relationship with her dad it's not likely to happen. But anyway it's a tradition thing which applies to a lot of things to do with weddings.

If my DH had asked for my father’s permission to marry me we would have been over immediately. It’s an outdated, deeply misogynistic practice. Two men essentially striking a deal as to who gets to own a woman.

Yeah, play coy and make hints. Maybe you'll be allowed a say on it all at some point.

It is 2025 isn't it??

It's a genuinely disgusting tradition though.

That's a very negative way of looking at it. In some cultures it's like that. A lot of the time it's just something a young man does out of respect.

At The beginning of conversation about marriage I did say I expected him to ask for my dads blessing (stupid I know)

If a man asked my husband's permission for my daughter's hand I'd hope DH would tell him to fuck off.

I know DD would tell him to fuck off if she found out, so that's something.

🙄

Why rain on OP’s parade? At no point in her post did she say she has an issue with it.

No it's not. The young men doing this aren't looking at it like that. A lot of young women appreciate the gesture also. It also depends a lot on family dynamics as plenty families and relationships would just laugh at the idea.

Why though? Why don't you discuss it with both sets of parents after you've decided together if you want them involved?