Partner has asked for my dad’s number and arranged a day out with him?

[Charliechad]

Me and partner have been together for 2 years (in July). He’s had a nice relationship with my family since day 1, they all get along well and my dad likes him and vice versa.

A month ago, my partner asked for my dad’s number. When I asked why he said (jokingly) “none of your business”. He won’t say what he texts my dad, but my dad does mention on the phone that he got my partners message and will reply soon. Today my dad said my partner has asked him to go for a walk at the weekend.

We are very serious about other and have talked about marriage in the future etc., but I’ve never experienced a partner wanting to make so much effort with my dad? Partner said it’s just a walk with them 2 and I can’t go.

I feel like it’s strange, not in a bad way. But just why so secretive?

Maybe some do? My partner asked my mother seeing as my father is no longer alive. If my father was still with us, he would have asked them both. Absolutely nothing wrong with that either!

Yes, I'm sure that some do. But that's not what this thread is about.

I’m literally replying back to your question………… are you okay or what? 🤯🤯

You know full well he’s asking your dad’s permission to ask for your hand in marriage. Why so coy @op?

I don’t know if this helps as it may be different to your situation, but my partner doesn’t get along that well with his own dad, they are very, very different people. Complete opposites. Whereas my dad is very calm and my partner really gets along with him, and has told me before that he much prefers my dad to his own. They hang out a bit just the two of them, and I think it’s lovely.

Maybe he’s going to ask for your dads blessing 🥰🥰🥰

Yes, I'm fine, thanks, are you? Those emojis would suggest that you're feeling rather disturbed?

I hope that I'm allowed to object to outdated misogynistic practices without being accused of being unwell. I think it's a fairly reasonable and rational position to hold that a woman is not considered to be the possession of her father these days, and to feel that traditions that arise directly from historic misogynistic beliefs and practices should probably be consigned to the past.

But you do you.

This.

Yes I’m disturbed by the fact you’re unable to grasp that people ask the father purely out of respect. Nothing to with the daughter being a “possession of the fathers” we aren’t stuck in the Victorian times. It’s a very very common practice to ask the father purely because it’s a respectful and polite thing to do.

And the world kept spinning!!

Of course your DP is asking your father's 'permission' to propose, you literally told DP you wanted him to do that!

Edited for clarity

Many years ago my then neighbour asked to speak to his girlfriend's father to get his permission to borrow his prized lawnmower for a "grass-cutting competition". He was hoping to impress his girlfriend with his landscaping skills.

What has your father got that your boyfriend needs, for you to be in awe?!

🙄

I like it. For women that have a good relationship with their father there is nothing wrong with it.

When my DH asked my DF, they both hugged, shook hands and cried. Can’t see anything remotely disgusting about it.

It's very common practice to ask the father because of the historical context.

If it was purely about respect and politeness, then it would be every bit as common to ask the woman's mother as well as her father, but it isn't. Yes, the man might approach both parents in some cases, but the tradition is still focused on asking the father. Because historically, the daughter was his to give away.

You can choose to think that the misogyny inherent in these practices is irrelevant from your perspective, but it's there, whether you ignore it or not.

Still going on are you? 🥱

Why are you wondering, then?

Still reading, are you? Good, the practice will be good for you!

😂

Yes, I'm still going on.

The patriarchy and misogyny is still going on, so why would I stop?

If insults and an interesting collection of emojis are the best arguments that you can muster, you might want to pull back from the debate.

isnt having children holding up a patriarchy?

🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

And proposing at all, if we are being pedantic