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Original poster

Partner has asked for my dad’s number and arranged a day out with him?

176 replies

Charliechad · 03/06/2025 20:47

Me and partner have been together for 2 years (in July). He’s had a nice relationship with my family since day 1, they all get along well and my dad likes him and vice versa.

A month ago, my partner asked for my dad’s number. When I asked why he said (jokingly) “none of your business”. He won’t say what he texts my dad, but my dad does mention on the phone that he got my partners message and will reply soon. Today my dad said my partner has asked him to go for a walk at the weekend.

We are very serious about other and have talked about marriage in the future etc., but I’ve never experienced a partner wanting to make so much effort with my dad? Partner said it’s just a walk with them 2 and I can’t go.

I feel like it’s strange, not in a bad way. But just why so secretive?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 12:10

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:03

If insults and an interesting collection of emojis are the best arguments that you can muster, you might want to pull back from the debate.

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You taught me all I know!

CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 12:11

CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 12:10

You taught me all I know!

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Oops, sorry-that wasn’t meant for you! @MrsBennettsPoorNerves.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Erm, no, I'm happily married and have been so for 25 years. Fortunately, my DH is not a misogynistic twat.

But I'm not really sure what my marital status has to do with this discussion. Would my opinions be less valid if I did happen to be a "lonely old divorced lady"?

You sound very bitter about something, but I'm not quite sure why.

CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yep. You nailed it. Me too. That’s what feminists are like. (Btw-you insulted first!)

Sunshinestate07 · 04/06/2025 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And yet you keep coming back to talk to us?

Honestly, you're doing yourself no favours here by resorting to playground insults. They reflect more on you than they do on the people that they're aimed at.

Sunshinestate07 · 04/06/2025 12:20

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:19

And yet you keep coming back to talk to us?

Honestly, you're doing yourself no favours here by resorting to playground insults. They reflect more on you than they do on the people that they're aimed at.

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🎣 we got a live one boys and girls

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:21

Sunshinestate07 · 04/06/2025 12:20

🎣 we got a live one boys and girls

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As I said, you're doing yourself no favours.

Sunshinestate07 · 04/06/2025 12:22

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 12:21

As I said, you're doing yourself no favours.

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🥱

Promo981 · 04/06/2025 12:37

Charliechad · 04/06/2025 10:30

Oh wow, didn’t expect so many replies and no much debate about it!

Firstly, the posts suggesting I “know” it’s an engagement conversation are a little out of place. I don’t know at all, I’m putting 2 and 2 together and maybe getting 5. My DP has been open with the fact he would like to marry me, but I was actually querying the secretiveness of the interactions with my dad. As I said, no partner has ever taken an active interest in building a relationship with my dad. My dad will appreciate it a lot, he is retired and likes my DP. It could be just that they’re building a friendship which I would like.

I also don’t agree that it’s misogynistic to inform the dad you intend to marry (if that’s what DP is doing). I’ve told him it’s something my dad and I would appreciate. Not because I belong to my dad, but because he is my dad! I think it’s nice that is informed before we break the news (if that is his plan).

As I said, in my culture and my DPs this is fairly standard. It’s not an arranged marriage, but even if it was, I would still have a say in if I wanted to go ahead with it. The marriage would be null and void in the eyes of our religion if I was coerced or forced.

It's misogynistic if someone has a mother and a father and only the father is asked/informed. If your culture is only for a father to be asked/informed the culture is misogynistic, as are many historical things.

Original poster
Charliechad · 04/06/2025 12:55

Promo981 · 04/06/2025 12:37

It's misogynistic if someone has a mother and a father and only the father is asked/informed. If your culture is only for a father to be asked/informed the culture is misogynistic, as are many historical things.

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Thanks, but my culture is not misogynistic. It is based on a matriarch and there is deep respect for women.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 13:04

Charliechad · 04/06/2025 12:55

Thanks, but my culture is not misogynistic. It is based on a matriarch and there is deep respect for women.

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To be fair- many people and cultures who claim a deep respect for women are pretty misogynistic. Obviously I have no idea about the one you are referring to.

Enko · 04/06/2025 16:10

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 08:26

Did he also ask you if you had any objections? Or was it only your DH?

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Like I said I grew up in Scandinavia.

He would have known way before he got to even consider asking if I had any objections.

Tarrybankheidi · 04/06/2025 20:30

CurlewKate · 04/06/2025 13:04

To be fair- many people and cultures who claim a deep respect for women are pretty misogynistic. Obviously I have no idea about the one you are referring to.

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If this woman is content and happy in her world and feels that she and other women in it are respected then just accept that and stop trying to find negativity.

Tarrybankheidi · 04/06/2025 20:34

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/06/2025 09:08

Yes, and I've said multiple times, each to their own. It isn't for me to dictate how other women should manage their relationships.

Nonetheless, I think it's important that we highlight sexism and misogyny where we see it. And women who want equality in their relationships need to pay attention to the behaviours of prospective life partners in order to gain an understanding of their underlying attitudes towards women.

People need to go into these important relationships with their eyes wide open. It all comes down to what people want and what they choose to prioritise, but we need to recognise that these "traditions" do not exist in isolation.

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Oh dear it's definitely not misogynistic. A man who cares about what his wife values and what her family values and follows through on doing what he feels is necessary to honour that is highly unlikely to be misogynistic.

Sunshinestate07 · 04/06/2025 21:09

Tarrybankheidi · 04/06/2025 20:34

Oh dear it's definitely not misogynistic. A man who cares about what his wife values and what her family values and follows through on doing what he feels is necessary to honour that is highly unlikely to be misogynistic.

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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

croydon15 · 04/06/2025 21:30

RareHazelExpert · 03/06/2025 21:05

If a man asked my husband's permission for my daughter's hand I'd hope DH would tell him to fuck off.

I know DD would tell him to fuck off if she found out, so that's something.

Is there any need to be so negative and rude.

Grammarninja · 04/06/2025 21:39

Haven't read any replies as no need. He wants to formally ask your dad for your hand in marriage. It couldn't be more obvious!

Grammarninja · 04/06/2025 21:42

RareHazelExpert · 03/06/2025 21:05

If a man asked my husband's permission for my daughter's hand I'd hope DH would tell him to fuck off.

I know DD would tell him to fuck off if she found out, so that's something.

So confused about this. Why would you tell someone to f* off when they are just respecting the fact that you are your daughter's nearest and dearest and want your blessing going into marriage?

Grammarninja · 04/06/2025 21:50

My husband brought my dad out golfing when he asked for his blessing. I asked my husband later what Dad said and it would seem he told my husband how important and special I was and he basically laid down his expectations of how I should be treated in marriage. There's no harm in letting a future husband know how loved and supported his chosen partner is and it's the perfect opportunity to do so.

Jk987 · 04/06/2025 22:10

Asparename · 03/06/2025 20:49

It’s weird. I wouldn’t be happy with him saying you can’t go. How do you get on with his family?

He doesn’t have to bring her along, he clearly wants a chat without her there!

Ally886 · 04/06/2025 22:48

Tarrybankheidi · 04/06/2025 20:34

Oh dear it's definitely not misogynistic. A man who cares about what his wife values and what her family values and follows through on doing what he feels is necessary to honour that is highly unlikely to be misogynistic.

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I've known women who feel very against their husbands asking a father for their hand in marriage but they also have a father who would lose the plot if he wasn't asked.

Genuinely know men who haven't proposed for this reason. Tough one.

I also feel men proposing is somewhat outdated, especially when most women I know are the more successful ones in the relationship

Laura95167 · 04/06/2025 22:50

Could he be asking for your hand in marriage?

Tarrybankheidi · 05/06/2025 05:10

Ally886 · 04/06/2025 22:48

I've known women who feel very against their husbands asking a father for their hand in marriage but they also have a father who would lose the plot if he wasn't asked.

Genuinely know men who haven't proposed for this reason. Tough one.

I also feel men proposing is somewhat outdated, especially when most women I know are the more successful ones in the relationship

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Well that's unlucky for those women.

If a woman wants to ask a man to marry her then there's no problem with that. And then of course there are plenty couples who never marry and then there are couples who marry simply for practical reasons.

PopstarPoppy · 05/06/2025 16:50

Charliechad · 03/06/2025 21:04

At The beginning of conversation about marriage I did say I expected him to ask for my dads blessing (stupid I know)

In which case, why do you think it’s strange that your DP wants to see your dad alone??

My DH asked my dad for my hand before he asked me. I felt torn over it. On the one hand, I don’t like the idea of a woman being ‘passed’ from one man to another, but on the other hand my dad is old-school and would definitely have appreciated it. And I think both of them have long been very clear that neither of them is the boss of me!