Partner has asked for my dad’s number and arranged a day out with him?

[Charliechad]

Me and partner have been together for 2 years (in July). He’s had a nice relationship with my family since day 1, they all get along well and my dad likes him and vice versa.

A month ago, my partner asked for my dad’s number. When I asked why he said (jokingly) “none of your business”. He won’t say what he texts my dad, but my dad does mention on the phone that he got my partners message and will reply soon. Today my dad said my partner has asked him to go for a walk at the weekend.

We are very serious about other and have talked about marriage in the future etc., but I’ve never experienced a partner wanting to make so much effort with my dad? Partner said it’s just a walk with them 2 and I can’t go.

I feel like it’s strange, not in a bad way. But just why so secretive?

Same, I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who would ask my Dad if it's ok to propose.

Dont let other people's negative views make you doubt what you wanted.

There's a difference between asking permission to marry you, and asking for someone's blessing, surely?

Hopefully that's what they're going to be chatting about.

He’s proposing.

DH didn’t love the idea of ‘asking’ for me but he knew it mattered to my dad so in his words it was a more ‘informing’ him conversation.

Nows the time to express preferences on jewellery and get weirdly wound up when you’re on holidays 😂

were you joking ?
I don't think you can blame him for asking if you've said this.

He’s going to ‘ask for your hand in marriage’ which I wouldn’t be happy with tbh, but that’s a personal thing. How would you feel about that?

I could not deal with the asking your dad for his blessing or permission.

It's treating you like your dad's possession. You don't need anybody's anything, you make decisions for yourself.

That would just give me the ick, sorry.

My DH asked for my dad’s blessing. So did my Dsis’s DH - it’s a thing!

Mostly it’s important to the type of people who value marriage and tradition. If OP has informed her DP that this is a nice to do, then he is abiding by her wishes. DH would expect this from DD’s partner if she ever married.

And I'm sure she will. She will say yes if she wants to or no if she doesnt. It's her decision.

It's surely more informing than asking (if that's what it's about) and actually a nice gesture involving the family. Of course it may just be a walk with your dad because he likes him and wants to get to know him better. My DH did sort of ask (in a back handed sort of way) and my DF died before we were married so I was actually glad he was involved in a small way.

You should ask him for his mother's number.

Plenty here missing the point about asking for "permission" or rather seeking a blessing, to marry - it's a matter of respect especially if your BF feels your Dad would appreciate the gesture - would your Dad welcome the gesture or laugh in his face? Has your BF got good judgement about this?

Also it informs your family of his intention to propose - which is another moment of respect for your family, unless you both or your family couldn't care if they are informed of intentions, so another judgement call.

And why not test the water, it's not a bowl of roses marrying into a family that don't approve!

No I wasn’t joking. It’s part of our culture, my dad would probably think it was rude not to get his blessing.

I dont know for certain if hes proposing, it just seems very out of the blue to ask for the number now.

We get on very well. I love his family.

My DD’s fiancé texted us and said he was planning to propose. I thought it was quite sweet.

In thar case it looks very much like he is going to speak to your Dad.
Are you happy and excited about it ?

I think there's a proposal coming very soon. Is this what you want? If so, congratulations 😍

My husband and dad get on like a house on fire. They often call each other/text each other and I live it that they're so close. They massively support each other. I never ask about what they get up to or talk about because I know if there's anything I need to know my husband will always tell me and he'll be upfront with my dad if he feels he needs to tell me anything.

Let them have some man time. There's nothing wrong with it.

Why that response? Most people do not ask for permission to get married.
OP and partner could marry regardless.

Not missing the point at all, you are.

It is not respectful to ask another person for their blessing with regards to another living breathing adult. Especially, when that person is always the father.

Why not ask each other's mums??

My husband asked my dad for his blessing before proposing and I absolutely loved that for my dad. He would have loved that. I don’t care if it’s old fashioned! This was 25 years ago though 🤣 gosh, it still feels recent!

Why does your dh expect this? Why don't you get asked for blessing/permission?

What if DD decides to make her grown up adult decisions on her own?

It would be lovely if some of these fathers just said "no" everytime. Do their daughters a favour and avoid them marrying a misogynist.

I dont think you understand what it means. The daughter would be making her own decisions in life. Are you thinking of some of these religious cultures where the wife to be has no say in who she marries and it's all arranged

Mums are increasingly asked for their blessing to marry their children, but that wasn't the OPs question was it.