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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

459 replies

Blocuian · 03/06/2025 10:16

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

OP posts:
Fuzzymuddle33 · 04/06/2025 13:03

He is being an arse

go out, enjoy yourself. He should want that.

BumpyWinds · 04/06/2025 13:19

I'd be leaving him to it and replying to the text with something along the lines of:

"I have offered to get you a doctor, which you refused. I have left you with water and means to obtain help if you need it. I am checking in on you. If you won't accept help, there is literally nothing more for me to do other than sit in a darkened room (that we paid £XXXX for) and stare at you in silence while you moan and groan. Believe me, that is no good for my sanity or our relationship. I hope you feel better soon but, in the meantime, there's no point in both of us having a ruined holiday"

cosmicbabe · 04/06/2025 13:29

How did he go through the night? Hope you went out and enjoyed yourself. If he cared for you he would not expect you to sit by his side during an illness. He sounds like a Tw*t and you deserve better

Blackkittenfluff · 04/06/2025 14:44

Get a doctor up to him.

The gigantic controlling turd.

I'd be filing for divorce when I get home.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/06/2025 15:00

Hopefully OP is too busy having a wonderful time to reply any more!

OP, I would think very seriously about what you want in life. He's cheated and now he's behaving horribly. He wants you to be miserable because he is. That's no life.

AirborneElephant · 04/06/2025 15:03

Hope you’re ok OP and out enjoying yourself. He’s an utter arse. My DH was ill on our holiday this year, he encouraged me to go out and enjoy everything, and made the effort to do as much as he could.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 04/06/2025 19:17

Blocuian · 03/06/2025 17:43

Thanks so much, honestly it’s really helping hearing all this. I don’t think it’s anything serious like appendicitis – it came on Sunday evening after we’d been out for dinner and he had prawns and some other bits he doesn’t normally eat. He was properly unwell that night and all through Monday as well, so I did feel for him then. He barely moved yesterday and just wanted quiet, didn’t even want me talking which I actually understood tbh, I was just trying to keep him comfortable and not make things worse.

It’s more today it’s turned into something else – now he’s saying I shouldn’t be going out, asking why I left, making comments like I don’t care. The snappiness and guilt-tripping has really ramped up which is what’s got me feeling a bit off about it all.

I don’t think he needs a doctor at this point, though if he’s still saying he’s in agony tomorrow I might go to reception myself and get one sent up. He’s had plenty of chances to let me help and he’s said no to everything. I’m planning on going to breakfast tomorrow and having a proper day out, will offer to bring something back up to him and then I’m heading off. I need to stop waiting around for him to act like I’ve done something wrong when I really haven’t.

He doesn't get to refuse medical intervention but them slag you off Op. That is evidence of his horrible personality. Unless you are a gastro intestinal specialist and he has allowed to you examine him, diagnose him and treat him, he's being a prick.

Get home and get him gone. He should be grateful you have overlooked his appalling behaviour in the past but instead he is further abusing you, just in different ways. He's vile.

ThatCoralHedgehog · 04/06/2025 20:41

He’s being a controlling a**e!

I’ve not read though all of the comments on here but have read your replies.

I’d tend to agree that he’s possibly cheating especially if done it before and he’s projecting his behaviour onto you and thinking you may behave like him. Also just a thought but just from this very odd behaviour trying to keep you in the room, not taking the food or water you’re offering or indeed a doctor, is he pretending to be ill? Could there be someone in the hotel that he doesn’t want you to bump into!?!

PrincessFiorimonde · 04/06/2025 23:55

Hope things are better for you now, OP, and you're enjoying time out and about.

JuliaLilian · 05/06/2025 09:17

Imagine what life would like with him if he was really ill (not just a short term illness). You would be at his beck and call with none of your own life. He sounds very controlling. Maybe time to think of moving on.

Kath89 · 05/06/2025 11:46

Yabu

weirdoboelady · 05/06/2025 11:48

Kath89 · 05/06/2025 11:46

Yabu

WTF? What on earth would make you say that? Are you just a troll? If not, more explanation needed.

JFDIYOLO · 05/06/2025 13:41

If he'd done the sensible thing and accepted the doctor (insurance covers) when you suggested it, he might have got some medication and have been on the mend a while ago.

Instead he's been wallowing in unpleasantness for days and imposing it on you.

justasking111 · 05/06/2025 14:48

@Blocuian vanished so hopefully all is now well.

lovemelongtime · 05/06/2025 17:43

I am actually invested in this. Very rarely watch a thread but would love the Op to give us an update

Macklemup · 05/06/2025 20:18

Sounds abusive.
He begged to come back but resents you for it.
Sounds also as if his head has been turned and he's taking it out on you.

He sounds very nasty.
Mind yourself OP, he's not a good man.

ScrambledEggsIsTheBest · 06/06/2025 17:43

How is he @Blocuian ?

Fannyy · 07/06/2025 15:01

so we never got an update?!!

wtaf OP

DorothyStorm · 11/06/2025 15:14

Fannyy · 07/06/2025 15:01

so we never got an update?!!

wtaf OP

It isnt netflix. In real life things take time and people process what has happened.

piscofrisco · 11/06/2025 15:43

Jesus Christ. Why would you want to stay in a room with someone with food poisoning and more to the point why would THEY want you to? Madness. Get him drinks, meds, salty snacks. Check on him every 90 mins if you must. Other than that it’s just one of those things and you shouldn’t have to sit with him 24/7.
dh and I got food poisoning one after the other back when we were newly dating on our first weekend away. Neither of us said the other couldn’t leave the room. Bizarro.

Littlejellyuk · 12/06/2025 07:54

Kath89 · 05/06/2025 11:46

Yabu

YABU?
Has the husband entered the chat? 🤔

Ilikeadrink14 · 12/06/2025 10:59

justasking111 · 05/06/2025 14:48

@Blocuian vanished so hopefully all is now well.

No, I think this is just another one of those posters who come on here, have their moan, get us all trying to help………. then bloody disappear! It makes me sick how many posters think it’s fun/ok to do this!

Kreepture · 12/06/2025 11:57

Ilikeadrink14 · 12/06/2025 10:59

No, I think this is just another one of those posters who come on here, have their moan, get us all trying to help………. then bloody disappear! It makes me sick how many posters think it’s fun/ok to do this!

strangely enough, they're not obliged to update anyone, and we're not entitled to any updates if they don't want to make them.

If it makes you sick, then that's a you problem you need to address.

gamerchick · 12/06/2025 12:00

Ilikeadrink14 · 12/06/2025 10:59

No, I think this is just another one of those posters who come on here, have their moan, get us all trying to help………. then bloody disappear! It makes me sick how many posters think it’s fun/ok to do this!

This isn't a soap, nobody is entitled to an update.

Maddy70 · 12/06/2025 12:33

Go out. He's going to be grumpy anyway so Yog may as well enjoy yourself. Go for a nice lunch