Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

@Blocuian I agree with everyone else that he’s being a complete dick. But you might just want to get him checked out by a doctor that he doesn’t have an intestinal blockage. The symptoms are very similar to food poisoning… If it is that and it’s left without hospital treatment, it’s life threatening.

Definitely get the doctor up to see if he's actually still poorly. Being ill doesn't make you a selfish twat unless it's there under the surface.

Another ring the Doctor here, he will deny he refused medical help at some later date, make out you didn't care enough, he was delirious or some such bollocks, so I would deffo get a Doctor to see him and give advice.

Call his bluff. Tell him you're calling an ambulance.

I'd get the Dr to see him and rule out anything serious. It seems to me like he's really just feeling incredibly sorry for himself and cutting his nose off to spite his face by refusing all help and suggestions. Do it anyway. At least that way, the Dr can confirm or not if it's anything he needs meds for and you can't be blamed (by him) for doing nothing.

in the meantime, put yourself first and plan a few things that you will really enjoy. You can still turn the holiday into something positive if you distance yourself from the negative drama he seems intent on creating.

edit to remove so many 'yourself's from my post 🫣

I’m so sorry @Blocuian. I feel claustrophobic and miserable for you. I hope he apologises. He didn’t want you to leave the room, but sit there in the dark, not talking, while he has diarrhea and vomiting in the en suite? How weird and vile.

I heard something decades ago which I suppose has morphed into ‘The Script’. If a wife has an affair she treats her husband better than usual because she feels guilty. If a husband has an affair he treats his wife like crap, presumably because he can’t/doesn’t want to feel guilt, or because he if he treats her badly enough he hopes she will end the marriage and look like the bad guy. I hope that is not the case with your husband but if you feel like his behaviour has been deteriorating over the last few months you can bet your bottom dollar there’ll be something behind it.

I hope your life improves from now, whatever you decide x

Absolutely

I agree. Enjoy a couple of hours away and also organise a dr for him.
Why on earth he wants you in such close proximity to him and the end suite is beyond me.
If I was him, I'd be suggesting you see if you can get another room for a couple of nights!

Any reasonable person in your DH's situation would be like "Sorry I'm ill but I'm going to stay in bed.... you go and enjoy yourself!". DH has been ill on holiday twice (over 30 years so he's not milking it, it's been genuine). He's always said go and do stuff without him and when he's better he'll join in again.

As for the "abandoning" comment, I'd say I have abandoned you, permanently! Because honestly I couldn't live like that!

I could not imagine asking anyone especially someone I meant to adore to stay in a room with me when I was sick unless it was a medical emergency sort of thing. I would be encouraging them to go out and enjoy themselves.
I am sorry you are right to question your future with him.

How are you holding up OP?

PLEASE don't let this man manipulate you anymore.... you do you because you've tried to help him as much as you can

Exactly this!

Any nice person with a normal and caring personality would express regret at their being ill and tell their SO to go out and try to enjoy their holiday as much as they can. They don't see the point in both people suffering the misery of illness, especially when they know what sort of symptoms they'll be experiencing. Most people understand that the well person is not going to enjoy listening to the ill one vomit or have diarrhoea, nobody does! The attitude is, with nice people, "go out and have a good time, no point in wasting the holiday entirely, make the best of things, I'll be better off in the quiet on my own".

Your husband is not a nice person. His character basis is "why should I suffer alone? I don't want my wife to have a nice time if I'm not!" Just horrible, even without the cheating and lying, being cold and sarcastic.

Life is too short, I'd be rethinking the vows to this one. Not like he's kept to them, has he?

I agree with Cheffymchef. You need to get the poison out, not stop diarrhoea. Sometimes, after the illness/food poisoning has got better, the diarrhoea carries on. THAT’S when you can stop it.

If I was ill on holiday I'd absolutely insist that the other person/s went out and enjoyed themselves and I'd still feel guilty! I think that's how most people would be.
Do you think there's resentment from him that he had to 'win' you back after the ONS and this is some sort of controlling pay back?

I agree that you should get the Dr anyway. Don’t wait for his agreement. Just say, ‘Somethings not right. I’m going to go ask for a doctor’, and then walk out down to reception.

What an absolute tool. At least this has given you some time to consider whether there's a future with him.
I got a terrible problem like this in Spain. My partner walked to the nearest chemist, came back with the pills they recommended, and within about 12 hours I was on the mend.

Careful OP, you might realise you're enjoying being on holiday on your own more than you would do with him.... 😉

Honestly I would have no patience for this at all and would be seriously questioning why am I in this relationship.

He'll need meds from the doctor if he wants to fly home. Food poisoning left me in an awful state, lost a stone nearly. When I phoned GP got meds to stop the spasms and keep me off the loo.

@Blocuian no way could I have flown home.

Why oh why do women put up with this shit?

I actually think @TheSilentSister may have a point - he would love you to be the bad guy this time, make him think it evens things up for him having to be on best behaviour since his fling. At risk of overthinking it, it does seem like he can’t cope with not being the centre of attention though. Whatever. Get him some heavy duty antibiotics and do what you want to do!

Please don't put up with this crap. I can only imagine the smell and that would have me running for the hills! Hope he's cleaning up after himself and not leaving the bathroom in a state. Please just enjoy your few days away and don't let him control what you do.

I haven't read tft, just your posts OP.
It sounds like he's setting you up for some weird audition, to see if you can mother him and be nurturing and attentive to his every need, but nothing is good enough, so you fail regardless and you will be painted out to be the worst wife.
What a miserable moaning little prat 🤦‍♀️

My honest to god gut feeling through all of this was, he sounds like he's paranoid of your whereabouts as he's either cheating on you, or now that it's just you as a twosome he wants all your undivided attention as your both away from your DC.
He sounds insufferable tbh.

As for the One Night Stand (ONS) it sounds like he didn't have many consequences for that and he feels like he can push his luck still and take the piss.
I would be reevaluating the relationship if this carried on throughout the holiday.

Hugs to you 🫂

It's the fact you say it's not out the blue that bothers me-if he'd never been stroppy before I'd put it down to his stomach and calmly say "I'm sorry you feel bad, but I've offered all I can, and if you're just being rude, I'm going to the pool."
But if this as been going on a while...does he have depression? Worried about a serious illness? Either way, he needs to see a doctor, or some sort of counsellor-if he feels you're not caring, he needs to take to you about it, not just snap.