Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

I can't imagine being away with DH and wanting him to miss out on the sun and the sights because I was ill. If he cared about you, OP, he'd be keen to let you make the most of your time, once he was sorted with what he needs. He sounds like a controlling arse.

Make sure he's stocked up with water etc and then go out. Tell him to ring you if he genuinely needs help. But not otherwise.

Most importantly - give very short shrift toall of his old flannel that's designed to guilt you and keep you tethered to his side. Make it clear that only an arsehole would want to stop their other half getting out of the hotel room for their own selfish reasons. And he's not a selfish arsehole, so you know he'll be pleased you're getting out, won't he.

Turn it back on him and stop letting him get away with this. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You've seen to his needs and he's refused a doctor. Now you get to go out.

He doesn’t need a doctor. Nothing you can really do for food poisoning unless he can’t even keep water down. You will just have to let it get out his system. He is probably disappointed and worried he’s ruined the trip. I would try and get out and explore yourself. Ignore if he says it means you don’t care, nobody is going to be in a good mood with food poisoning. It’s brutal.

He is probably resentful you are fine lol.

Frankly if I was ill and puking, suffering a dodgy stomach and feeling miserable I’d rather be left alone with regular check ins.

Go out and have a wander.

Oh and yep, to echo another poster - who the hell wants someone else in the room with them when they have food poisoning?! When me or DH have the shits we want the other person to be as far away as humanly possible.

imodium is a bad idea for FP, you have to let it work its way through.

I’ve been ill on holiday - and doubtless wasn’t much fun to be around. But I’d expect be left alone and definitely wouldn’t want to ruin anyone else’s trip. The whole ‘don’t you dare leave me but don’t do anything to help’ is just spectacularly childish and selfish. Whatever you do will be wrong,so just do what you want to do. It’s probably time for a cocktail by the pool while you plan your trips out 😁😁

Go out, check in every couple of hours by text.

You mentioned noticing a wider, recent pattern of controlling behaviour and that needs nipping in the bud when you get home. It sounds like he's already getting in your head with it and you need to cut it off quickly

What I would do is leave the room and go and get some fresh air OP

He's whining anyway, let him sulk on his own.

I’d be leaving the room and setting up to leave him. Imagine this giant man baby ruining holidays forever more.

what is it with people who don’t want to help themselves by accepting help / meds / attention given to them.

enjoy the pool Op - you deserve it

Indeed why would anyone who loved you want your holiday to be ruined because they don't feel well? Make sure he's got fluids and dioralyte. Make sure he can ring reception for a doctor if it's really bad (so he doesn't have you on a string keeping checking on him all the time). And sit on a sunbed by the pool googling divorce lawyers and nice places for you to live on your own.

Immediate issue - get out, go for a walk, a run, a swim, get some sun and some FRESH air, have a coffee, people watch, have some nice civilised conversations.

Bring back mineral water and any meds that might help.

Real issue - don't try to tackle it while he's sick, but the controlling thing needs to be addressed. While you're sitting quietly by yourself think through and write everything you've noticed down. Everything. Every instance, all aspects of it, what triggers it, what he does, his language, his behaviour, consequences if you don't obey.

Then decide - are you happy for this to be your future life? Forever?

Because they don't change.

It's your choice.

Photo from the pool/beach or it didn’t happen!
Come on @OP,don’t waste your holiday. Pop to the shop after your 4hr minimum lie in the sun with plenty of cool water and bland snacks. He’s being really childish.
he’s actually behaving worse than my 5yr old twins did recently on holiday with d&v. One of them was sick in the en-suite, the bedroom floor, the bed, the reception loos, and a sunlounger. He took it like a champ and was much better the next day bless him.

If you're early 40s are you in peri? The ability to give far fewer fucks and to notice when things are PISSING YOU OFF will be rising exponentially.

What a dickhead. I went down with terrible food poisoning on a recent holiday and felt like death. Couldn't even keep water down.

DH was sent to go enjoy himself and but asked to keep his phone handy.

Christ, I’d be off out and about everyday - leave him to it, miserable git.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care

There's no way I'd be staying in the hotel room any longer. You've offered help. He's refused. If it's that bad he needs to see a doctor and if he won't then it can't be that bad.

I would just go out. No matter what you do it will be wrong so at least go out and enjoy being wherever it is you are.

God men are the worst when they are poorly but I wouldn't entertain sitting in a dark room watching him sleep. Take a book outside and tell him to call if he wants anything. Check in every few hours. Job done. It's horrible being ill on holiday but no reason for you to suffer (and I have been on both ends of being poorly and being the spouse to poorly on holiday).

Absolutely this, and I love your use of the word twonk! Such an underused word! 😅

This. If you're thinking of actually flying home, going out and about a bit is very mild by comparison.

He’s a selfish, controlling bugger. Go out and enjoy yourself.

What a selfish and controlling dickhead!

I was away with a BF many years ago and he ended up with food poisoning. It was pre mobile phones so I made sure I didn't go too far / for too long (he was pretty ill the first 2 days!) but there was no way I was going to spend my holiday in a room with someone who was puking, shitting and sleeping on repeat. Even if he'd asked me to stay, I wouldn't have, but he didn't as he wasn't a selfish idiot.

Day 3 I went on an excursion without him (it was paid for and he insisted I went) and day 4 he was up and about and we managed to enjoy the rest of our holiday.

Get yourself round the pool and consider your options and future with this man as he doesn't sound very nice.

Totally agree. The only thing I would want with a stomach upset where I keep rushing to the toilet would be total privacy.

OP, he is just using this to control you and to stop you having any fun without him.

How long have you been with this selfish tool?

If you want to stay with him long term, then go out now, sit in the sun, have a couple of cocktails. There's no point you sitting in a dark room listening to him in the bathroom.

Personally, I'd see this as a wake-up call. He doesn't care for you. He doesn't want you to have a good time. He's utterly selfish and self-serving. I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Don't suggest you might go out either. Just tell him you're only at the end of the phone if he needs anything but that you're going to leave him in peace until he feels better. Then go.
If he really tries it on, go whilst he's in the bathroom. This sounds very controlling and you need to assert yourself.

I would fetch him some rehydration drinks, let the hotel know he is in the room and unwell, then pack my stuff and leave early - go home and use that space to make arrangements for ending the marriage. You can look back on this holiday as the moment you changed your life.