Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

Definitely get the doctor for him, I'd have done that anyway after all his overdoing it and guilt tripping with comments about being in pain, plus they may be able to prescribe anti sickness or something else, which may genuinely help him.

He's either too sick for you to leave him, in which case he needs a doctor, or he needs bed rest in which case you do not need to be there for that.

He sounds like a right arse though, so call his bluff.

We so need that laughter emogi back. Emotional maturity of a bad prawn. Love it!

I would go out and leave him to it, no way would I be sitting there waiting to potentially catch a tummy bug. He sounds utterly unreasonable and I wouldn't be pandering to his Bullshit that your holiday should be ruined as well. My dh would 100% tell me to go off and enjoy myself, as would I to him.

You certainly are @Blocuian

Go and chill out around the pool and use the time to reflect on whether this is what you want for your life.

Seriously, just go out and tell him to get over himself. He's an adult so if he wants a Dr he can call one. Go and enjoy your holiday now! He can't guilt trip you if you aren't there. I'd be considering getting another room the way jess carrying on.

He can't have it both ways. He can't refuse medical attention and say he's at death's door and you need to sit and watch him while he sleeps.

Your little boy, on the other hand, sounds amazing. What a star.

I really hope that you've told him calmly but firmly that being unwell and frustrated is not an excuse for treating you poorly, behaving like a child and trying to ensure that he ruins your holiday. Tell him that you can either keep him company for some of the time and help him if he needs help, which includes being seen by a Dr, if he treats you with courtesy and respect or he can carry on acting like a man child and spend more time on his own. One more snide comment or text and you are done, tell him.

Ask him what he expect you sitting there for the whole holiday to do because you're not a doctor

or go out and have hot sex with a pool guy

😳😂

@Blocuian

You know, the same thing happened with DH and I, in reverse. I was the one with food poisoning. And I certainly didn't demand he sit in the room and watch me 'suffer'. I told him to GTFO and do something because all I really wanted was to be left alone to be ill in peace and quiet.

He did what you're doing. Going about and checking back in every so often. It's food poisoning, not septic shock or bird flu. It just has to work its way out 'one way or the other' and someone 'babysitting' isn't going to make it go any faster.

I think you're right to think about your marriage 'in its totality'. Sounds to me as if once you do, you'll tell yourself "Gee, I'm really not very happy here, am I?".

So... he knows that he's not ill enough to have the doctor attend and indeed, he's not ill enough to have any of the things that you have specifically bought that should help him with getting better soon (or is not wanting to have these just to spite you) and yet he's 'ill enough' to require round the clock nursing (although that actually is just making you sit in the dark in silence)... Something doesn't add up here - he might have been ill but he's either not trying to feel better or wanting to appear ill for longer and intends to make it your fault.

My DH does pull the man flu card too many times... he knows that I know and that he'll not get much sympathy from me when it is man flu. He actually got something that floored him a few months ago and I think he was quite surprised that I was actually checking in on him and making sure he had enough drinks etc to cope - although I was also steering clear as I had no intention of catching it myself - he was completely OK with this and agreed that he didn't want me to catch it either! This is what a reasonable husband- wife relationship is like over illness - support yet (and you've supplied that) but not the need to give up everything that you're doing to support them if it's not life threatening.

It's not mature and sensible but I'd be at the shouty stage by now..

If he is that ill he needs one to one supervision then he needs professional help and to be taking all the medication/supplements etc etc available.

So either he does that or it is crystal clear that he is not ill, he simply feels a bit rough and wants to make YOU miserable and ruin your holiday.

Definitely second the advice to get your story out there first - post on fb or wherever folk will see it 'terribly sad X is blatted by a dodgy prawn, I've set him up with snacks and water and come out to give him time to rest'...

That way he absolutely can't play the neglected puppy, shut away to suffer all alone.

i am so happy to read you decided to have a day out
enjoy yourself

Personally, I think he's still cheating or looking to do so based on the things you've written.

And his determination to actively ruin your holiday because he's unwell shows he doesn't give a shit about you.

I'd be pondering what you need to do to end the marriage while you're sat at the pool

Time for the 4 day rule. Tell him it’s 4 days and with no improvement, medical check is needed. Call the doctor. Don’t debate it. He’s that sick he’s lost rational thought. Showing you care with real action (that calls his bluff).

Do go out for the day.

Edit: also plays well in the PR war. I was so worried I had to call the doctor. He wasn’t himself, he worried me so much I had to leave the room as he just was so agitated.

God I could have done fun with a man child like that 😂

If he's refusing help then he can't be that ill. Sounds as if most of it is put on. Balls to being his handmaid.

Also, if you do call the Dr. Tell them he needs a proctal examination.

OP, had exactly this when I was married to 1st husband - vile little controlling abuser. The only time I was allowed to leave the cabin (on a Nile Cruise, moored at Aswan) was to go and buy him some fizzy drink and meds. More fool me as stayed with him for bloody years and he tried to wreck my life. I hope you left the room and I would consider the advice of other posters. This is a continued course of behaviour and they don’t snap out of when the mask has slipped. You don’t say how long you guys have been together. Good luck

@Blocuian please do enjoy the rest of your holiday. Hopefully there are some interesting places you can visit? Is the food good? I'm afraid I, like many of the other posters, think this is a controlling action by your H - most unpleasant.

I agree with calling the doctor, whether he wants it or not. It can’t hurt and shows you as a caring spouse.

Fuck me op I totally would not tolerate this.
I would call him out on his really shitty odd behaviour.

the next time he says anything snarky I would calmly but firmly tell him he’s behaving like a rude selfish nasty little shit and taking it out on you.
I would also tell him the way he’s speaking to you is absolutely not ok and your starting to wonder whether taking him bak after cheating was a good idea after all

then leave the room for the day.
if he texts or calls ignore him completley.

go clear your head and think about if this is what you really want.

he’s let you down massively and now he’s showing his true colours yet again.

life separated isn’t the end of the world,it’s just a new world.

you really deserve to be treated much better.

If my DH was saying he was in agony I wouldn't care if he refused help. I'd be contacting reception & making sure they arranged for a Doctor to visit the room ASAP.
My DH brother was sick & writhing in pain & kept saying it was a bug. The Doctor he refused did eventually get called out & he ended up an emergency admission to hospital with an infection & kidney stones.

He sounds awful.

Dh was ill when we were in a remote part of Spain. He didn't hold me and dcs to ransom.

Sack the cheating twunt off.

Just call the doctor up anyway - call his bluff.