Husband left at New Years and just turned up like nothing happened

[throwawaymum2024]

Honestly not even sure where to start. DH left just after NYE, literally 2nd Jan, no note no message no nothing. Just packed a bag and vanished. Wouldn’t answer calls or texts, blocked on everything. No one from his side heard from him either, not even his mum (who’s beside herself). Police said he was fine, ‘left voluntarily’ or whatever so not much they could do.

I’ve been solo parenting 3DC since then, barely holding it together, assumed he’d either done a runner or something awful had happened but he was alive at least so no answers.

Anyway. He just turned up yesterday. Knocked on the door like he’d just nipped to the shops. Said he’d been ‘sorting himself out’ and ‘couldn’t cope’ and that he’s ready to come home now. No apology, no proper explanation, just… like nothing happened.

DC (7, 5 and 2) were confused obviously. Eldest cried all night. I’m angry and numb and tired and I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with this. I feel like I’ve spent 6 months mourning and now he’s back like a ghost.

I haven’t let him stay but he’s saying he wants to talk. I don’t know if I even want to hear it. Just needed to get it out somewhere. Anyone been through similar?? I feel totally lost.

Thinking of you OP 💐 I hope you and your children have a wonderful summer 🫂

I hope he wasn’t staying with someone else thinking the grass is greene

6 months disappearing without a word? Leaving DC behind like they dont exist. Some kind of selfishness.
One option for me is divorce!
Once bitten twice shy!
HE WILL DO IT AGAIN
Not worth it.
If you let him back in, you'd only resent him and what kind of a marriage would that be.

For the love of God don't let this man sweet talk his way back into your life. You can't trust him. The slipperiness about where he's been, and the gaslighting about you should be overjoyed he's back is classic narcissism. He is not a good man, or a decent father.

I would tackle his mother head on and tell her no more access to the kids until she tells you the truth. I agree that she's likely known all along.

This is life, be strong.

What a selfish asshole , upsetting the kids would be last straw for me wish you well

I would want proof of everything, access to phone, banking history, full explanation

How are you doing op?

You must be patient and resist the tides of life.

Thinking of you also @throwawaymum2024, I hope you and the children are not struggling to process the ‘wanderer’s return’, and are in a better place emotionally ❤️.

This, and you might want to try couples therapy to work through everything?

(But reserving the right to not necessarily want to be a couple depending on how you, who has been keeping everything going, feel)

Did the police keep you updated? This just all seems so weird. Your poor children x

The vagueness.

I'd literally say I'm not speaking to him until he's ready to be fully honest and open about how and where he spent every single minute of his time whilst he wasn't with you and your children, and FULL disclosure of every. single. aspect. of all of his finances. I'd want to know what health or mental health support he sought and from whom and is it still ongoing and what's he doing about the issues that he had, and has he been diagnosed with depression or had a breakdown - you need to know that side of things as well ( probably highly unlikely but if he'd got into drugs for example you would need to know about that before you let him back in the house even before he had visitation if you never let him back in the family home again because that would be viewed by social services has putting your children at risk). That's the bare basic starting point - if he can't / won't do that, what's the point? As things stand you cannot trust him and you cannot let him near the children whilst he's being evasive and lying, trying to make out like nothing happened and he can just walk back in! Regardless of what his mother's involvement was these are just the basics that have to be addressed by him and absolutely no hiding behind mummy.

You'll never get the truth. Bin him.

36 pages of posts on this topic. Are we helping the person posting or simply confusing her more than the situation in which she has found herself?

The OP @throwawaymum2024hasn’t posted since the First of June.
I doubt she’s coming back.

Sod that. I'd like to see a mum.just walk out and disappear like that. I agree with a previous poster. He's probably been dumped by the other woman. What a nasty thing to do to the kids.

He could have had a complete breakdown. 🙄

And yet couldn’t contact op, left her looking bc after the children, finances etc, and then waltzes back as if nothing has happened, without explaining anything.,

Perhaps he has autism and ADHD as well. Or maybe he's just a massive dick.

I'd favour the latter

Yup.

Seems very strange. I think they clue is in the fact he left work. Would you necessarily do that if you had another woman. Surely you would still need money. That and the tan thing points to him being overseas somewhere though.

OP, you are under no obligation to come back with an update but a lot of posters would appreciate one if you would.

Meanwhile, I’m sure most of us wish you and the children all the best.

If I were in your shoes I would tell him to pound sand. He needs inpatient mental health treatment.