Husband left at New Years and just turned up like nothing happened

[throwawaymum2024]

Honestly not even sure where to start. DH left just after NYE, literally 2nd Jan, no note no message no nothing. Just packed a bag and vanished. Wouldn’t answer calls or texts, blocked on everything. No one from his side heard from him either, not even his mum (who’s beside herself). Police said he was fine, ‘left voluntarily’ or whatever so not much they could do.

I’ve been solo parenting 3DC since then, barely holding it together, assumed he’d either done a runner or something awful had happened but he was alive at least so no answers.

Anyway. He just turned up yesterday. Knocked on the door like he’d just nipped to the shops. Said he’d been ‘sorting himself out’ and ‘couldn’t cope’ and that he’s ready to come home now. No apology, no proper explanation, just… like nothing happened.

DC (7, 5 and 2) were confused obviously. Eldest cried all night. I’m angry and numb and tired and I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with this. I feel like I’ve spent 6 months mourning and now he’s back like a ghost.

I haven’t let him stay but he’s saying he wants to talk. I don’t know if I even want to hear it. Just needed to get it out somewhere. Anyone been through similar?? I feel totally lost.

How do you know for sure he wasn't with someone else and she or he kicked him out, and he had nowhere else to go? You could, if you want to, tell him that while he was sorting himself out, you sorted out the needs of the children. His mother can have him, if she's so worried about him. He is not your fourth child.

Maybe you should consult a lawyer... Do you co-own your house? Is he employed? Will he pay towards support of the kids? All sounds very odd indeed. Do whatever you can to protect yourself.

That would be wonderful! As long as she and her children are safe, whatever path she chooses is fine by me.

Don't let her pick the kids up from school, or anyone else he might have known.

Could you afford a simple alarm system, perhaps a camera facing the front and back, fitted high up so it cannot be damaged.

In the circumstances, you might be able to get some grant aid to do that. Have a look online at organisations that give you grants for that, such as a Women's Rescue organisation. They could also help in other ways too.

I am concerned at the lack of support you are getting from people who should be helping you. I think you should feel more secure than you are saying.

Do we have a right to ask that of her at this stage? I am sure I would not want to post with all that is going on in her life.

I am content to hope that she is reading our responses in our efforts to help and comfort her.

I find it weird, because on another thread I was on the OP responded all the time, and then the posters rounded on her and told her she must have plenty of time to spare because she was posting so often on her thread, even counting the number of posts she made.

That is horrifying and unfair. That OP was reading the comments and taking them seriously, yet she was castigated for doing that.

Now on here posters are moaning she has not come back to us. It seems OPs cannot do right for doing wrong, and if things continue like that, will anyone want to start a thread?

If you had watched the series Keeping Faith you’d understand the raincoat reference 😄. It was lovely .

How are you doing @throwawaymum2024 has anything been explained are you coping OK. I've been thinking about you since I read this. I hope your doing OK. Best wishes from random woman off the Internet 🤣

I watched Keeping Faith and I can’t for the life of me remember the raincoat reference 🤦🏼‍♀️

Said ever-present raincoat

Best title track ever - lyrics and music very traumatic:

I don't think @throwawaymum2024 is coming back.
🤷‍♀️

Hope you’re ok OP. 💐

Oh I do often think about op,

@throwawaymum2024 did you ever get an explanation out of him?

Yes, hope you’re ok op.

Hope you ditched him and are doing ok.

God no I’d laugh at him and shut the door. Most likely scenario is that he’s been living with another woman and that’s fell apart and he’s come crawling back.

I sang that for weeks. Amazing.

@throwawaymum2024 I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are getting on. I hope you managed to get some answers and are building a life for yourself without the lies and betrayal.

How has he been with the children - what did he say to the eldest? He needs to go to his mothers in the short term, to give you time to think. You are amazing. You have survived without him and can continue to do so.

This is insane. What a bastard.

I’d change the locks, get some sort of solicitors letter to school to say he isn’t to be allowed to take the kids and I wouldn’t even meet
him to talk until he’d provided some hard evidence as to where he’s been.

I did experience something much less extreme but still difficult. He went off and lived the life of Riley for a few months before coming back expecting to resume his place in the family. Confusing doesn't begin to cover it. The radio silence in your case is extra cruel and nasty though. In your shoes, the only explanation that I would accept is a breakdown.
Whatever you do, and whatever the explanation, proceed with great caution.
(I let him back in before realising how messed up it all was and telling him to fuck off forever a week later.)

He was sacked from work or the OW sacked him, he has no place to live. You're the "c" option he can always fall on when a and b fail. At least he could have pretended and phone you before he showed up "Oh I miss you and the children so much honey, lets give it another try!" but he can't even bother, he just knocks on the door and makes his way him like your place is an hotel.

Why are you putting up with this shyte? Definitely not for the kids as they were crying all night.

@vegetarianlouise read the OP's updates for gods sake. She hasn't just let him back in at all and don't try to make out like she's not protecting her kids, that's all she has been trying to do whilst he was AWOL.

OP I really hope you are doing ok, thinking of you.