Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

What is 'insightful' about being confused by acronyms/abbreviations? They aren't even complicated. I know that you and one or two others are determined to paint everyone who believes this story as gullible, but actually it isn't. You are trying to complicate what is essentially a fairly simple situation.

I didn't say I was confused by CF and El.

There are some things that raise eyebrows.

If that's ok with you, of course?

What? I don't use Facebook but I'm sure people have their phone numbers on that. Or you open contacts on the phone, search for the first name (which the ex knew) and presumably not hard for ex to distinguish between a couple of e.g Annes if they had surnames either maiden (ex would likely know) or married (ex would def know) or, you know, we're saved as 'Anne College'.

Except that there aren't 'some things that raise eyebrows'! Nothing that is being put forward as a 'plot hole' actually qualifies as one. I will say that CF is probably downplaying her role in all of this, but I don't think that is what some posters are implying. They seem to be accusing OP of making the whole thing up, which is both boring and annoying, and against forum rules.

Ahhh yes, those very few people who went to uni c20 years ago, got married 13 years ago, have been with the same company since uni, have two unspecified children, a life limiting undisclosed condition and went swimming at the weekend…. There are so few of us out there….

If anyone recognises this, all they will take from it is I got some nasty texts at the weekend and have a thing for Tom Hardy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can I suggest that you have a different opinion, that's all, and that your insistence on being 'right' is just that- your own opinion.

We're all entitled to our own. Let's agree to disagree. eh?

And at no point have I said it’s a facial feature

If people doubt the veracity of these threads then they need to report. Thems the rules.

Troll hunting on a thread is just as forbidden as trolling, and absolutely tedious for everyone else.

And doesn't make you look as clever as you think it does.

Well, if you're happy with all of that, fine. Your call.

It’s a perfectly plausible story. DH’s first love contacted him over 35 yrs after finishing with him. She was economical with the truth suggesting in her SM profile that she was widowed. She did ( and still does ) a bit of real life stalking, despite living some distance away and has no ties to the area we live. We live on a very rural cul-de-sac so when people drive past the house it is noticeable.

It all happened during the pandemic so they were never able to meet up. Then both DH and I had life threatening health problems and the ex was no longer an issue. Since we don’t share anything online she is probably still wondering why DH went radio silent. Maybe that’s why she still visits the area hoping to bump into him.

My MIL is currently fading away. I have wondered whether she will turn up at her funeral. She made a big point of waxing lyrical about DH’s DM when they were texting.
Throughout their exchanges DH didn’t mention me, which initially hurt but then he didn’t run me down as per the “script”. When I found out that it was becoming more than a catch up I messaged her just to let her know that I existed. Her response was incredible. It was a long character assassination of me. I wouldn’t have minded but we have never met and she has no way of knowing what I’m like. The message I sent was a simple “ I’ve seen your conversations, you need to know he’s still married”. I blamed DH for not being transparent and I suggested that he apologised to her. At this point I felt sorry for her because we thought she’d recently been widowed from the posts on her FB. She wasn’t and maybe she had done this on purpose.

If I’d been mislead I would have apologised to the wife and cut all contact. I definitely wouldn’t have blamed the wife.

I think the troll hunting has stopped. Those people have been deleted. Asking for clarity on points that you may have missed isn't troll hunting, or hate, but just part of the discussion.
Like most people, I was dipping in and out and also doing other stuff at the same time, so it's possible to miss something, or ask for clarification, which is fine, imo.

I think the simple truth is that CF and El (long term friends) had met up and during that conversation came the realisation that they both knew the same person (basilbrush).

Whether it was from looking at the baby shower photos where El recognised her or CF showed her those pics as confirmation, that’s where it started. El clearly feels resentful especially with her current life situation and probably was annoyed that basil is still with the guy (she believes left her for all those years ago). I expect hearing/seeing she had kids too was like rubbing salt in her wound. I am sure El bitched to CF that her ex likely cheated on her with basil. CF might not have known that El was going to send the messages but she instantly knew it was something to do with El when she heard from basil and saw that facebook post so I think she definitely fuelled some of it.

Out of interest @basilbush, what did El put in the message regarding this thread that made you certain she has read it rather than being informed by CF?

The best bit of troll hunting which I think has since been deleted was a couple of posters pointing out that my reason for taking time to update the thread as I was dealing with my little one wetting himself on the sofa (and asking for tips on getting pee out) was untruthful as I’d mentioned that I’d been on mn a long time but only ever posted about mundane things like getting pee out of car seats…therefore I’d already know how to get pee out and wouldn’t realistically be asking again.

The viciousness with which they used ‘pee’ as a ‘gotcha’ made me snort my drink out. It was hilarious.

Wow some people are wayyy too over-invested in tearing apart this thread now.

No, because you lot are inventing nonsense in order to pick holes in the story.

Oh dear! I missed that. I hope you got the pee out (bicarbonate of soda used to work for me!).
As for Tom Hardy? Apparently, you have to have lots of thoughts in your head about the person at least 24 hours before you go to sleep....or so I've been told 😎

She mentioned my illness, though not naming it. CF is unaware of it (and if she did know, she’d know what it was). I’ve only mentioned it on this thread. It was sort of as a plea to not take anything further. As in ‘you can surely understand how I’ve been feeling because…’ etc

Id imagine perhaps if she’s had fertility issues she may have been on MN for support over the years

Do you not have a search facility in your contacts? She would only need to know the OP’s first name and then match it to her DHs surname which was obviously burnt into her very soul.
They had just been talking about the op so not difficult.

Yes I forgot to say thank you to all the posters who did comment about the pee and suggested bicarbonate of soda! I did blot it all out, used some washing powder dissolved in warm water and then sprinkled with bicarb after. This seems to have done the trick so thanks

OP, I just want to say that I think you’ve handled this whole situation so well, brava!

You kept your head and your integrity, never lost the plot with your husband (I think I would have spiraled into at least mild suspicion) and showed yourself to be really quite empathetic and compassionate towards this texter. Who, if you’re reading this thread, go get some therapy and take a long break from social media.

Not overly into Tom Hardy myself, must watch some of his stuff to see what all the fuss is about! Anyone seen Matthew Goode’s new Netflix series? Tired and disheveled but still hot is what I’m into right now, apparently 😂

Bicarb is also a very good deodoriser (is that a word?) I've used it on mattresses after accidents, and they remained whiff free.

Nice. So to justify her own behaviour she tried to guilt you by using your vulnerability to make you pity her. Sounds delightful 😕

I think you've handled this all with dignity and empathy. I'm not quite as nice as you. I would have been tempted to send a message back saying, "Thanks for the apology, Michelle...."
She would pee her pants

Plot twist
What if she is commenting on this thread as one of the posters trying to discredit the legitimacy of all of this!? 👀
Hiding in plain sight!

People are weird. At school I had a best friend whose friendship began to fizzle out. I had become more friendly with another girl at the time. We started getting hoax calls to our home phone (before mobiles were around!). During evenings/weekends it would ring and there would be no answer other than breathing down the other end. My mum was beginning to get quite worried about the calls as she was a single parent.
Somehow I had a sense it was to do with my old bf - there was just something she said that made me suspicious. Together with my new friend we did a sort of wagatha thing (I can’t remember what now!) but caught her out. She admitted it and sent me an apology letter.
We were only kids but her jealously fuelled her to do this even know she knew our family was getting freaked out by it. Jealously causes people to do crazy things!