Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

How very weird.

I have a colleague who had sort of a similar thing a while ago. Firstly messages accusing her partner of cheating that then slowly become really threatening. Then a few weeks later messages on different social media accusing random family members of affairs along with a random naked photo of one of the family members (unsure if photoshopped).
Then further messages weeks later accusing her partner again alongside more bizarre things.
All from burner numbers or fake social media accounts. We never quite figured it all out but obviously someone is absolutely obsessed with her. We spent hours going through different scenarios trying to figure out who it could be and how they knew certain bits of information. It was almost worthy of some type of Netflix documentary.

She locked down social media accounts and kept blocking the accounts/phone numbers and they eventually got bored.

Oh what a projection…

So would I, but like OP if someone sent me this sort of nonsense I would just know it wasn't true. I think these threads about cheating are often very divided between people who have not had an experience of being in a relationship with someone trustworthy, and people who have.

I do also think that you can be with someone who is cheating and not realise, obviously, but it's also about the how of cheating. I don't think my husband would cheat on me. I might be wrong about that. But I do know that if he was going to, it would not look like what this anonymous messager is trying to sell to OP!

Why do you think I’m bitter? I don’t have a firm belief as I don’t know them. But someone’s told OP he’s cheated and OP asked for advice. I sincerely hope her DH is to be trusted. My advice is it’s important to consider all angles.

People who’ve had affairs or paid for sex workers can become v good liars. Imagine if he’s lying and has OP wondering who the vindictive person is making it up.

The messages sound immature. A young person. Or a childish adult. That could mean someone doing it for ‘fun’ (kids, stalker types) or someone wanting revenge (disgruntled colleague, OW) or hoping to get money out of him.

The strange thing is the baby shower, as it’s unlikely that can be found online.

It's possible. It's more common than I thought. Been reading along a persons sort of online blog for some time and in recent months she's been typing that she's been "flirting" with her older male workmate. It's progressing now and they've done stuff when they went a short break away with one other male workmate recently. The other guy was asleep in a separate b and b room at the time. She's clearly getting a kick out of sneaking around with him. She's admitted he has a wife but he won't leave her because she's "loaded". She doesn't give fck about his wife. She's been to their house numerous times and the wife seemed to like her. Am honestly shocked. She was previously with another woman for almost 8 years so you wouldn't expect it! She's a bisexual but told her workmates she wasn't into men 😳 So yeah, don't be surprised if it turns out to be true.

What a silly thing to say. My DH works from home with me. He goes out once a week to play pool- I'm sure he's picking up plenty of women at the Royal British Legion.

I wonder if it constitutes "malicious harassment". That is one reason for unearthing who is behind it. Anonymity breeds bravado, exposure breeds silence.

@MrsSunshine2b Why is it silly? There are dozens of threads on here from women who 100% trusted their DH only for them to be blindsided by an OW or sex workers. They weren’t where they said they were.

People can now have affairs or use sex workers on their phone, from home. They don’t have to leave the house.

So you’ll be posting on the next affair thread saying “you have to consider all angles” and saying he may not have cheated?

no?

Morning all. We had a lovely kid free night and kids are being dropped off at lunchtime.

No more messages have been sent. We rang the non emergency number this morning as looking online to log it, we weren’t sure what category it fell under- ‘cybercrimes’ seemed a little too serious! Anyway, I went through the details after getting a call back and essentially have been told it’s been logged in case it escalated but they almost certainly won’t investigate it. Apparently it’s not enough to be harassment as I haven’t asked them to stop, and it’s not grossly indecent (or words to that effect-I cant quite remember the phrase she used). Their advice is to block after taking screen shots and contact them again if it escalates or moves to a different platform. I sort of expected this to be their response but wanted it logged.

I also contacted my friend who had the baby shower and briefly explained what had been happening. The baby shower was absolutely not posted by anyone online. She is friends on FB with all attendees and also asked that it not be posted as she wasn’t putting anything about her pregnancy online (I’d forgotten she said this). It also took place at her Grans house so we weren’t anywhere public.

For this reason I’ve reached out to college friend with a breezy message asking how she is as said I have a weird question for her and is she around for a quick chat later. She said she’s free this afternoon so I’m going to give her a ring then.

And that, is how men get away with it 😂

Thank you for your update @basilbush

You do realise that you're going to have to start another thread about this?

Just catching up with all the posts and I know a lot of people are saying he could STILL be having an affair and he COULD have been warned by the OW. It would take Oscar worthy acting to feign surprise and bewilderment the way he did. I’ve known the man nearly 20 years and he can’t even hide when he’s snuck an ice cream out the freezer.

Of course he COULD still be cheating. He COULD also be sneaking around as a government agent and living some James Bond double life…but I’ll take my chances that he’s not.

Just to derail slightly and also sound like a grumpy mum or grouchy 👩‍🏫 but I guess this is just one reason why Insta and FB etc are all a bit more trouble than they are really worth. And definitely why we shouldn’t involve our Dc by posting their pics or news.

Op you need to start a part two thread and link it on here asap. It’s about to run out and people might not find you again!

@basilbush last few messages available on here

I’m not sure there’s any reason for a part 2. There’s no affair, likely no
more contact. There will be no LTB. No more drama.

I promise if my chat with my college friend moves anything forward I will start another thread with ‘Wagatha Part 2’ but I’m with kids all day today and don’t want to get the ire of MN by not updating a new thread!

So if I have anything further I’ll start one but otherwise I’ll have to live with the mystery! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did you mention to people at work you were going to a baby shower?

I have a feeling that the woman who falsely accused your colleague is where you should be looking.

It definitely is aimed at you and not your DH and there is a degree of spite and resentment towards you which have been evident since the first reply.

What "ire"? You chose to start this thread, and people seem to have been very supportive and concerned.
Good luck.

I think OP means the usual MN demands of wanting updates, why hasn't the OP come back etc etc People feel very entitled to have all the details.

Surely that's because someone starts a thread with intrigue/mystery/a story they want to follow.
You shouldn't blame posters for getting interested, that's surely the point?

I’m really not following how it “all seems to link” to your old college friend.

Yes, of course. It’s irrational to believe someone's cheated without clear evidence. It’s also irrational to believe they haven’t when there’s some evidence.

IMHO best to not let it bother you. Focus on your relationship. But remain curious and open-minded.

You clearly disagree. That’s fine.

@basilbush I wish you all the best ❤️. IMHO you’re taking a balanced approach and getting on with your life. No point letting something like this eat away at you. That may well be giving the messager what they hoped for.

Having read through your replies, it definitely sounds like someone being spiteful. I know you checked the number and it doesn't match to any of your contacts, but could it possibly be from a "burner" phone?