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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
ScarlettOYara · 31/05/2025 08:36

Maray1967 · 31/05/2025 08:28

Apologies - off to read the updates …

Show quote history

😊no worries

ItsUpToYou · 31/05/2025 08:37

Having read all of the OP’s updates, I am a) glad that it’s bollocks and b) now heavily invested in the ‘why’. Who would do this? Even teenagers can’t usually be arsed to go through this much detail for a prank. Why would someone want to break up a family like this? It’s unhinged.

ScarlettOYara · 31/05/2025 08:39

ItsUpToYou · 31/05/2025 08:37

Having read all of the OP’s updates, I am a) glad that it’s bollocks and b) now heavily invested in the ‘why’. Who would do this? Even teenagers can’t usually be arsed to go through this much detail for a prank. Why would someone want to break up a family like this? It’s unhinged.

It definitely sounds like some sort of revenge issue. Possibly the college friend or the peeved colleague.
We're going through something similar at work. Honestly, the person has seriously gone off the rails with her behaviour.

NeedyExpert · 31/05/2025 08:42

Ask for proof, dont just bury your head op. because if it's true it won't go away. Really hope it's untrue for you x

ScarlettOYara · 31/05/2025 08:48

NeedyExpert · 31/05/2025 08:42

Ask for proof, dont just bury your head op. because if it's true it won't go away. Really hope it's untrue for you x

What does the proof sound like to you? It sounds to me like someone stirring.

mumuseli · 31/05/2025 08:53

basilbush · 30/05/2025 13:08

Sorry to leave you all hanging, I had to pick up my youngest and drop him off at my PIL.

i have been sent a screenshot of some WhatsApp messages and to be honest, I think they’re bullshit.

The WhatsApp is his name and a photo of him but not the one I have for him. The chat is full of emojis and him saying ‘babe’ a lot and ‘nite’ with some text speak that isn’t something he uses.

its actually weirdly made me even more sure hes not cheating as it just isn’t language he’d use if that makes sense?

Does anyone know if you can save a name and number in WhatsApp contacts as anything? Or rename them.

i haven’t replied as I’ve been with my youngest but im not sure how to tackle this now.

i have my privacy settings upped in WhatsApp thanks to the poster who suggested it

I’m curious about this bit - was the screenshot of a conversation ie her and ‘him’ chatting? Or was it just a series of messages supposedly from him? Surely it would be effort for her to fake this, even if she had 2 phones.
You said the screenshot was from a conversation that morning… so it must have had time stamps from an earlier time - was it from much earlier or from around the time she initially messaged you? I’m just wondering how she could have faked it.
Hope it all works out for you, OP.

NeedyExpert · 31/05/2025 08:56

Proof that you can't deny, otherwise block the number. They will give up eventually. People are vile sometimes x

ThatCyanCat · 31/05/2025 08:57

mumuseli · 31/05/2025 08:53

I’m curious about this bit - was the screenshot of a conversation ie her and ‘him’ chatting? Or was it just a series of messages supposedly from him? Surely it would be effort for her to fake this, even if she had 2 phones.
You said the screenshot was from a conversation that morning… so it must have had time stamps from an earlier time - was it from much earlier or from around the time she initially messaged you? I’m just wondering how she could have faked it.
Hope it all works out for you, OP.

Show quote history

There are loads of free online tools to forge texts and WhatsApp and Messenger messages. It's very easy. Trolls on here have done it lots of times.

RedRoss86 · 31/05/2025 09:11

FabulousPharmacyst · 31/05/2025 08:00

Is this true? Christ this would have been useful to know in my life 😂😂😂

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It is! When I'd ring some customers, their phone would ring & ring... so to leave a VM, I'd hang up, do the 085 + 5 trick and I could get to their voicemail.

(Also not going to lie, handy to use when I had to ring a customer I didn't really want to speak with so I'd cut to their VM and say I couldn't get through 🤭🤭)

Jollyhockeystickss · 31/05/2025 09:44

Id want to know who it was too

4forksache · 31/05/2025 09:45

how unsettling to know someone wants to go to these lengths.

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 09:54

SeriaMau · 31/05/2025 08:12

FFS
’So sorry you have been worrying about this’. But, let’s face it, he’s probably having an affair, but just not this particular one’.
I could weep.

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Nothing like putting a positive spin on things….😨

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 09:55

ThatCyanCat · 31/05/2025 08:57

There are loads of free online tools to forge texts and WhatsApp and Messenger messages. It's very easy. Trolls on here have done it lots of times.

Show quote history

I believe you but still curious as to why trolls do this, any ideas?

NoisyLemonDog · 31/05/2025 09:56

It sounds like a work colleague to me too. Or possibly your old friend is less stable than you thought. I'd want to know who it is.

Alondra · 31/05/2025 09:56

OP, I've read all your posts and I have the gut feeling that the person messaging you is a young male. Why? The "hahaha", the insults with the word "slut", the absence of any kind of serious language a woman will use if she was having an affair with your DH and wanted to blow up your marriage. I

These days, we share so much information on s/m that any person wanting to have "fun" can create a lot of havoc if they go after you for whatever reason. Don't engage further, it'll enable them to continue the harassment.

Good on you for talking to your husband and listening to your gut from the beginning.

babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 10:02

I have teenagers. They are far too too busy with their only group chat drama to message grown adults. It would never happen. The use of the word slag makes me think it’s a 40+ year old.

MsDDxx · 31/05/2025 10:03

godmum56 · 30/05/2025 13:44

If this had happened to me when my DH was alive, I would have said "You will NEVER guess what happened today" and told him.

Odd isn’t it? I’d phone mine straightaway and tell him 😂

Sorry your DH is no longer with you.

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 10:03

babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 10:02

I have teenagers. They are far too too busy with their only group chat drama to message grown adults. It would never happen. The use of the word slag makes me think it’s a 40+ year old.

“Slut”. Not slag.

babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 10:07

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 10:03

“Slut”. Not slag.

Show quote history

Fair enough but it makes little difference.

I wouldn’t be so content that he is innocent.

Schweden · 31/05/2025 10:08

EdithBond · 31/05/2025 07:43

Shame this filled your head and time when you have a precious weekend evening alone together. But understand why. V unsettling they clearly know stuff about you.

So, seems the person is vindictive, unwell or immature and having a laugh. Certainly not telling you out of concern for you or guilt. Sounds like a teenager to me. Teenage family members or friends’ kids dicking about?

But doesn’t mean he hasn’t cheated. With cold reasoning, in terms of motive, you’ve been together a long time, you’ve more recently had kids (always adds strain). He’s recently got fitter and probably feels more attractive. So, the sort of point in a relationship when someone could be tempted to cheat.

In terms of opportunity, he’s had chance to meet someone (work, gym) and timing coincided with his trip away, which is odd. Could be someone he slept with at the conference hotel (so he was deffo there, location wise). Maybe met at gym followed by an emotional affair over 6 months (via messages or phone sex). Or did he suggest they stay at his hotel during his work conference, but got cold feet and said he loved you too much - hence their vindictiveness to you? You say he WFH. Do you as well? Or is he at home on his own a lot?

He could have also told them about the baby shower, whether he met them during it or not. Could he have conceivably sloped off for an hour or so that day?Given you dropped the kids at PILs before telling him yesterday, I’d have wanted to surreptitiously ask them. Say someone (not a total lie: the messenger) is adamant they saw him in a different part of town that day, which is a bit freaky, as you know he was with them. So maybe he has a doppleganger. They might say: “Well, he did have to shoot off for a while”.

I know he was up-front when you told him, let you check his phone etc. But if he’s ended it with someone, they may have threatened to tell you, so bear in mind he could’ve been forewarned, deleted messages etc. It may not have been the blindside you think.

He’s not been using Only Fans and a sex chat line or something and it’s someone from that? Trying to bribe him for more money? Could fit with the apparent immaturity/language used.

If someone’s making it up, most likely sounds like a disgruntled work colleague or someone messing about (teenage kid of a friend?). I can’t see an old friend on social media doing it to be nasty, unless they’re not well. What would be the point?

Why are you so determined to believe that this man must have cheated somehow, some way? What made you so bitter?

rainbowstardrops · 31/05/2025 10:08

For what it’s worth, I don’t think your husband has cheated but in the unlikely event that he has, surely the ‘OW’ would have told him she’d messaged you and he’d have had a chance to delete any messages on his way home?
Like I said, I don’t actually think that he has but I’d be bloody unnerved that someone could be so nasty and vindictive towards you.
It has to be connected to the baby shower in some way if you didn’t post any photos online and you wasn’t tagged in any either. Some scary people around!

Pinkypup · 31/05/2025 10:09

basilbush · 30/05/2025 23:33

Thanks all for the messages. We stopped looking into it a couple of hours ago as the WhatsApps stopped coming through and we still wanted to have an evening so caught up on Mobland instead.

We’re going to log it tomorrow on the non emergency police number and wait and watch. We have decided to contact my college friend tomorrow as although I don’t think it’s her, we are pretty sure she’s the link. Depending on what she says we’ll either give that info to the police too or just block and leave it.

Sorry no more updates but I’m pleased I only got a few nasty messages before they stopped

Glad you had a good evening.

if you haven’t already, put the number into the search bar of your work emails in case it’s someone from there.

MyKingdomForACat · 31/05/2025 10:10

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/05/2025 19:20

It seems very specific to be a scam, knowing about the baby shower of a named friend (rather than a generic “ask him where he was the other month when you were out with friends” and banking on that occasion existing).

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But all this info could be taken from OP’s Instagram account. Names. Screenshots taken and manipulated to make a fake account for the husband showing his picture. Don’t think he’s cheating. Don’t think it’s a scam. I think it’s kids fucking about. Stupid bastards

SpunkySquid · 31/05/2025 10:15

I don’t think I’m being naive in saying that, unless you’re buying all the details off the dark web, then I don’t believe it’s as easy as people keep claiming to just magic up someone’s mobile number from their Facebook profile.

PeapodMcgee · 31/05/2025 10:15

Someone newish at work who has taken a dislike to OP, would be my bet.

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