Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

No, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction either but they’ve got your number from somewhere and know he is your husband so it’s not going to be a person plucked out of thin air.

Reply asking for evidence.You’ve got nothing to loose - you’re not showing you believe them, or are buying into anything. Can you really just ignore it?
Do some digging yourself, look for the number on your husband’s phone when he’s home.
Don’t tell him - he’ll deny if it’s true, he’ll deny if it’s not true. You’ll never know.
You followed the ‘he never has the opportunity’ with:

• he’s away for work
• he goes to the gym - who else is he meeting there?
• he goes to work on a weekly basis.

Ample opportunity tbh.
Free with his phone means nothing. Is he open with his work phone as his personal phone?
Really hope it’s a scam my love, but save yourself your sanity and ask them to prove it x

I had one of these texts, but it actually named the woman. I didn’t believe it for a second - like you I thought I had a strong marriage and he’d never have had the opportunity. I also thought it was hilarious because the woman named was as rough as a badger’s arse and looked like she’d been to Turkey and asked for Austin Power’s teeth.

A few months later I discovered it was true. Not only was he sleeping with the named OW, he was also sleeping with the evil old munter who sent the text. I really hope it’s not the same in your case. I’d advise you to do some digging of your own before confronting your DH. He’ll only deny it, and we have a tendency to believe what we want to believe until we have proof of something to the contrary.

I think ‘prove it!’ can also be read as NOT believing it so I’d say it’s a great reply either way.

It could be if it’s people playing a prank.

Maybe respond with, ‘and which husband is that?’!

I would be searching for evidence. Random women you don't know liking his posts online. Asking the sender to send proof. Etc. Equally if I was a woman sleeping with another woman's husband, I don't know that I would send a message like that, especially if I wanted it to continue (of course I would never entertain doing this!). Sorry you're going through this OP.

Perhaps reply ‘I’ll only believe it if you can prove it’
then you’ve got a free private investigator.

I am another one who would reply with prove it. I would also check his phone and see if the number is in his contacts.

I wish I had the balls for this.

Definitely send the prove it message. If it’s true they will send screen shots of messages or photos or a when and where it happened!

Ok, I’ve gone with the masses and sent ‘prove it’. The person isn’t sharing when they are online so no idea when they’ll see it. I am literally shaking in spite of not believing it

and I was naive to think my marriage was happy

The one thing you can be sure of is that this isn't someone telling you with good intentions OR some unrelated bystander. That message was sent with spite, with the intention to cause distress imo and rain on your parade.

It could be an affair partner annoyed he won't leave you. OR one he's just dumped.

Or it could be a woman scorned, who's come onto him and been knocked back. Or a psycho ex. Or someone YOU know who you've pissed off.

I'd 100% be searching that number everywhere (remember Facebook search too, you'd be surprised what comes up). And I'd message back prove it. But I wouldn't say anything to dh, I'd just keep it to myself and watch and wait.

I'd be taking it seriously I think. The fact they have watsapped you means they have your phone number, so this is either someone you already know but then I'd expect if they have your number you would have theirs. Or the other option that comes to mind is this is someone who has had access to your husbands phone to get your number.
If this message has come at a time when he's away for work, could it be possible he's been in a room with another woman, hopped in the shower or something and left his phone lying around and she's took her chance to grab your number quickly

I’d say that while I hope it’s a scam, don’t put too much faith in location sharing as it shows the location of the phone not the person. My colleague who eventually got caught was cheating by leaving her phone in the car in the gym car park and being collected there by the other man who lived a few streets from the gym.

I’ve got a message straight back that just says ‘hahaha ok, you asked for it’

But then nothing. This is definitely done with malice and not someone thinking they are doing a good deed. Oh god

Don't reply to the text FFS! This is a fairly well-known WhatsApp scam.

They want you to reply to the message to confirm your number's active. Eventually they usually ask for money to provide you with 'proof'. Just block and ignore.

That's a good shout to check if the number is in his phone!

It could be someone jealous trying to cause trouble. Can you think of anyone who would want to do this?

Hope you get the the bottom of this soon.

@MmeChoufleuroh my god, that’s a shocking story!! Good riddance to him.

Hope he hasnt cheated OP

Believe them, OP.

I do hope it’s this. I’ve got everything crossed for you OP x

How do the scammers know the DHs name?

He obviously has cheated, she’s not replied back yet as she is getting the evidence together to send it to you.

Sorry Op, life is probably going to take a shit turn for you.

What an awful situation.

I agree that anyone, male or female, is capable of cheating, no matter how much it seems that they 'would never do that'.

But a random message on WhatsApp isn't 'proof' of any sort. I wonder if the poster above is right that this is a well-known scam? In any case, true or false, the seed of doubt has been planted in your mind now, so it's a really nasty thing to do whatever the motivation.