Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

The schools are obviously still off.

The swallow flies south in Autumn and the yoghurt is increasingly Greek.

Enough of this coded language.

£2k is a handsome price for two highlighter pens and a spider plant.

Leave it in the green bin outside number 34 - as arranged.

Then scraper before the fuzz gets on your tail.

I see Bob Mortimer has joined the chat

Night op.

I think the swallows and yoghurt are driving me to bed but I await an update thread telling us who it was when the police do their “ two or three clicks!”

Stoners gonna stone?

Looks like the thread will fill up with nonsense posts by the morning. If you don't start a new one OP, I hope one day you find who it is, solve the mystery and come back to share it with us.

OP I once had someone phone me up and tell me I'd won a free holiday in a competition. I don't enter competitions and told her so.. I then realised the voice sounded young and at a bit of a loss but they still kept going on about this win trying to get me to talk about it.
I ended the conversation and about half an hour later her older sister rang up and apologised and said her sister had been messing around.
It turned out to be someone my DC knew from school, who didn't like them and was trying to wind us up.

Could this be something similar.. easier to disguise as its by text. It sounds equally pathetic and not very well thought out.

Tough one, OP, because you don’t know who it is and even if they have no real proof it will be niggling at you regardless! I’d ask ‘Do you have evidence?’ and see what the person says, but if nothing definitive, I’d be watching your husband like a hawk for the foreseeable. If he’s cheating you’ll likely notice little clues that you maybe hadn’t previously, such as him acting strangely around his phone etc. Don’t ask as he will deny it.

As my grandmother would say “there’s nowt as queer as folk”

My mum said this 😊

There are some people who just like to drag others down and upset them. Why? Boredom, jealousy-who knows why people do anything nasty, legal or not? Sometimes it's the person doing it to wind up the wife, sometimes it's 'friends' of the victim who get her to turn on her husband-and it's not just the adults who suffer, but the kids, if it gets that far-I'd have hoped my mum would have trusted my dad, not a random stirrer. Now, if he'd cheated before, that would be different...

I agree.

I know someone who drive three hours one way, had sex for three hours and then drove another three hours home when he was meant to be working from home. Wife out for the day.

They FIND the time, if they’re keen enough.

I’ve RTT and OP you are being taken for a fool. Of course your hubby is not being totally straight with you on this. He knows more than he is letting on.

You do know what to do but understandably you do not want to do it.

Stay silent, check his phones, finances, laptop and absolutely everything else. Doing otherwise makes you a target and a doormat.

If he's not fucking someone else, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You CANNOT check with him first because there is a better than even chance he is cheating - source, the whole of human history.

If it turn out not to be true, it won't matter and you can put it from your mind.

If it turns out to be true you can see a lawyer and start protecting yourself.

Edit - Oh dear, I see you'e already alerted him and now he can delete everything and cover his tracks.

Oh well, good luck anyway.

I really don’t know what to make of this but if the OW had told him that she’d told you then bear in mind he would have had the chance to clean his work phone.

@youredreaming hsve you read the thread?

There’s nasty people out there . If someone’s jealous they’d make anything up.

I’d not reply , you’re giving it the light of day. See if you get another message. I’d definitely mention it to your husband but in a jokey way . Like hey guess what I had the most ridiculous message today accusing you of having an affair. I think you’d know by his response. I wish you all the best.

It’s quite possible someone has a thing for her husband and has tried he’s rejected so this is the payback. People are evil and do self obsessed they don’t care what they do to others.

This sounds very personal. With all the information you have given then I would believe your husband. I also could never imagine my husband cheating, he is just so dedicated to me and his kids, he makes us his entire world and i just would not belive it. It sounds like someone is trying to personally destroy your life that you have made. I hope you can get to the bottom of it and who could be doing this to you.

I’d put money on this being a teenager/kid. Do you know any disgruntled or just mindless ones? Either that or a very jealous best mate or sister. It sounds ridiculous anyway. I’d block them, and consider at the end of the day the truth will eventually out if there was anything going on.

OP,

Have you ruled out the woman who made the unproven allegations at your work, whose version of events you didn't support? Seems she has form for making things up and if she knows you didn't agree with her, she could be acting out of resentment?

I still think it’s a scam. Admittedly a targeted scam.

I don’t really see the connection to the college friend though.

I think it’s just somebody who has scoured social media and cobbled together what they can - an old pic, the date of a baby shower etc.

I think there will be some mention of the baby shower online that you’re just not aware of.

i suspect at some point they will somehow start asking for cash, cash to leave your husband alone or something.

Not quite understanding the posters who are still saying her husband is up to something. If we was, surely this person would have a better comeback than an afternoon that OP was out, where she knows. he was with his parents and kids?

The reason I think scam, is that I find it hard to believe that somebody you know in real life could/would do such a stupid, pointless thing.

Also, if it’s someone you know in real life, they’d know your husband doesn’t use text speak and “bae” etc.

it can’t be anyone close to you or they would know much more about you and your husbands schedule etc and be able to come up with soemthing much more convincing.

if it is someone you know in real life, and not a random scammer, they must be really unhinged.

However, last year I was involved in a situation where a woman accused someone I work with of sexism and aggressive behaviour. I was named as a witness and actually backed the person accused (it was an absolute load of rubbish). I believe she tried to sue and that was all concluded (not in her favour) earlier this year.
This woman would have a motive to get revenge.

See, that would flag strange behaviour for me because he'd be quiet for 9 solid hours. Likely uncontactable, because I'd know he was driving if he answered the phone /rang and therefore not WFH like he said. DH never goes that long without a message or a call.

It'd also mean he'd miss nursery pick up, etc. and that would raise questions.

Not all men are sneaky, either. Mines the worst liar you've ever met and he can't remember things he's told me that morning about where he'll be never mind carry on an entire double life without forgetting his cover story.

OP clearly has reason to trust her DH enough that these messages haven't flagged any other strange behaviour from him and she feels comfortable enough that she can actually just ask him the question. Seems like a fairly solid and healthy relationship to me.

Girl he’s cheating, sorry