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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
BeckhamsBalls · 30/05/2025 12:14

Wish someone had done this for me, I had what I thought was a wonderful marriage too. 22 years gone, he was showing as at work on teams but he was actually in hotel rooms wiggling his mouse now and then to look like working. He met her on holiday, would go out with his friends and I would drop him off, she would be waiting round the corner in her car. Then he would emerge from pub with said friends.

The lies can be very devious, smoke and mirrors and then gaslighting

PoliteRaven · 30/05/2025 12:15

I think the three main options are

  1. t could be someone with time on their hands and a messed up mind - randomly sending out bulk texts to random number combinations to cause mischief (saddos)
  2. someone who has a grudge against your husband & wants to cause trouble , such as someone who has been interested in your husband and he's rebuffed them or for work reasons or something similar
  3. someone who thinks infidelity should be exposed and is not connected or your husband really is having an affair and it's the OW and she's angry he's not leaving you or he's dumped her and this is her revenge

By the way, 3 is my least favoured option based on their tone and I'm generally not a 'leap to the worst conclusion' type of person.

I'll echo PP's advice to check the number against your husband's contact list when he gets back... or if you have a shared computer maybe you can see his contacts in Google or something?

PorgyandBess · 30/05/2025 12:15

i know I should reply with ‘prove it’ but I almost don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I’m even slightly bought in by the message.

You should have stuck to your instinct and not engaged with the person, who is now probably thrilled to bits.

I trust my husband and i know he’d never cheat. So I’d have shown him the message which is undoubtedly from some nutter. Normal people don’t send messages like this.

Whiteflowerscreed · 30/05/2025 12:15

I think it’s highly likely he is cheating

GranTeton4 · 30/05/2025 12:15

See if the number is in his phone.

Id wait an hour and then reply back saying something like 'thought not' or bullshit... to wind them up.

Just so if they have proof they will send it and you will know either way.

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 12:15

I know people mean well but there’s always far fetched excuses made for men in these situations that it’s almost no wonder so many get away with cheating. The simplest answer is often the real one.

tinyspiny · 30/05/2025 12:16

I would not have replied I’d have had a good nosey at his phone / tablet/ computer this weekend to see if I could glean anything and take it from there .

MayaPinion · 30/05/2025 12:16

It could be anyone - someone he has turned down, someone who fancies you, some bored schoolkids at half term…don’t click on any links and treat any info with suspicion.

Nicole621 · 30/05/2025 12:16

If this was a scam I'd have thought the link to the evidence would have been in the first email, I wouldn't have thought they'd be sat around waiting for a reply, reply back and then later send the link. They'd just spam the original message out to everyone with the amount of money they want for evidence just like they do with the 'I've got naked pictures of you watching porn' ones that come through frequently.

They'd also have had to get you and your husbands names from somewhere, a lot of people on the link put up by a PP had been on a newly married website called 'The Knot' and I guess their dated had been sold or hacked.

Definitely don't click on any links though, this is a pretty elaborate scam if that's what it is though.

BeckhamsBalls · 30/05/2025 12:16

Oh and secret hidden Snapchat account, different name even different skin colour on pic. I had suspected him and was watching what’s app and messenger activity, he outsmarted me.

i know all this as it went tits up and the OW provided me with all info when he dumped her

TourangaLeila · 30/05/2025 12:16

ARichtGoodDram · 30/05/2025 12:13

They'd be an incredibly lucky scammer to message a number and it belong to a woman married to the man whose name they used as her husband.

Show quote history

They send out thousands at a time. No luck required.

MounjaroMounjaro · 30/05/2025 12:17

Have you tried putting the number into Facebook?

Apologies, I realise they had used his name.

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 12:17

GranTeton4 · 30/05/2025 12:15

See if the number is in his phone.

Id wait an hour and then reply back saying something like 'thought not' or bullshit... to wind them up.

Just so if they have proof they will send it and you will know either way.

That’s a good point actually. Check his contacts and look under men’s names.

GranTeton4 · 30/05/2025 12:17

PorgyandBess · 30/05/2025 12:15

i know I should reply with ‘prove it’ but I almost don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I’m even slightly bought in by the message.

You should have stuck to your instinct and not engaged with the person, who is now probably thrilled to bits.

I trust my husband and i know he’d never cheat. So I’d have shown him the message which is undoubtedly from some nutter. Normal people don’t send messages like this.

Edited

thousands of women post on here every year saying how their husband is cheating and they never would have believed it.

No ones relationship is beyond a cheating spouse.

IcedPurple · 30/05/2025 12:17

PorgyandBess · 30/05/2025 12:15

i know I should reply with ‘prove it’ but I almost don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I’m even slightly bought in by the message.

You should have stuck to your instinct and not engaged with the person, who is now probably thrilled to bits.

I trust my husband and i know he’d never cheat. So I’d have shown him the message which is undoubtedly from some nutter. Normal people don’t send messages like this.

Edited

You can't possibly know that he would never cheat. Just as he can't know that you would never cheat. Anyone is capable of cheating in the right circumstances. Of course, anyone is also capable of being faithful.

Breadcat24 · 30/05/2025 12:17

@BeckhamsBalls Is wiggling his mouse a euphemism?

GranTeton4 · 30/05/2025 12:18

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 12:17

That’s a good point actually. Check his contacts and look under men’s names.

Show quote history

On a iphone you can just attempt to call the number and if its saved it will pop up with the name its under.

ItsSoFoggy · 30/05/2025 12:18

Wheredidthetidego · 30/05/2025 12:13

This is someone spiteful, what a nasty response from them. You have “asked” for nothing.
I would block and discuss with your DH when he gets back. You know him, you will know if he’s lying.

I don’t agree with this. I wouldnt block and would wait for the evidence. If you don’t receive any you know you are dealing with a scammer/liar. This person with their shitty “hahahaha” response are implying they have some, so wait for it and see if they are lying.

Ive heard of too many women lied to by their husbands to know asking the DH outright won’t work. They lie as easy as breathing. If he is having an affair he is already lying to her without her noticing it in his face. Cheating men are devious.

IcedPurple · 30/05/2025 12:19

TourangaLeila · 30/05/2025 12:16

They send out thousands at a time. No luck required.

Show quote history

How though?

If the message says 'Your husband Dave has been cheating' then what happens if the woman's husband's name is Joe? How do they even know she's a woman, and a woman married to a man?

LushLemonTart · 30/05/2025 12:19

Bloody hell what a shock. I hope for your sake it is a scam.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 30/05/2025 12:19

2 scenarios hit our family. Dd had a note posted through her door with accusations of her dp cheating. Detailed.. He confessed immediately.. She left him.
Ds was kissed in public by a known woman. Her mate took pics. Sent them to his gf. Caused him to nearly take his own life. Police discovered it was all a scam. They had form.. For the laughs apparently..
Recent scams are coming via WhatsApp I hear. Delete and ignore is my advice. Or tell your dh and likely his reaction will tell you all you need to know..

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 12:19

adviceneeded1990 · 30/05/2025 12:04

How do the scammers know the DHs name?

Show quote history

It’s a probability game. Thousands of the same text sent in the hope it reaches somebody who is a ‘fit’. If it says ‘Your husband Dave’s having an affair’ someone receiving it will likely have a husband called Dave.

Obviously if they use a full name, unless it’s something like ‘Dave Smith’ less likely to be a phishing campaign.

if your husband has a very unusual name it could still be a phishing message, but an informed one gleaning information from social media, public records etc.

Mareleine · 30/05/2025 12:20

The hahaha response says to me that it's just someone trying to shit stir, maybe your DH has upset someone and they're trying to throw a grenade into his relationship as "payback". Some adults are not above this.

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 12:20

IcedPurple · 30/05/2025 12:19

How though?

If the message says 'Your husband Dave has been cheating' then what happens if the woman's husband's name is Joe? How do they even know she's a woman, and a woman married to a man?

Show quote history

Everyone who doesn’t have a husband called Dave ignores and deletes.

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