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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 30/05/2025 12:05

basilbush · 30/05/2025 12:02

I’ve got a message straight back that just says ‘hahaha ok, you asked for it’

But then nothing. This is definitely done with malice and not someone thinking they are doing a good deed. Oh god

Well, just wait and see what's happened.

I disagree with the pp saying this a well-known scam and they will ask you for money, because if they do, you'll know it's a financial scam and won't give them any money 😂

AnxiousOCDMum · 30/05/2025 12:05

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/05/2025 11:31

I think I'd have to reply to the message and just say "prove it".

This

DeepfriedPizza · 30/05/2025 12:05

DontTouchRoach · 30/05/2025 12:02

Don't reply to the text FFS! This is a fairly well-known WhatsApp scam.

They want you to reply to the message to confirm your number's active. Eventually they usually ask for money to provide you with 'proof'. Just block and ignore.

What exactly does the scammer get by doing this?

MounjaroMounjaro · 30/05/2025 12:06

I think you sent the right response there. Someone is out to cause trouble, either for you or for him. I'll be surprised if you get an answer, tbh, but I would raise it with him face to face when you see him.

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 12:06

Rtato · 30/05/2025 11:57

It could be if it’s people playing a prank.

Maybe respond with, ‘and which husband is that?’!

Show quote history

What adult would play a prank like that? It would be very strange.

Mama1980 · 30/05/2025 12:07

Oh op what a shock. Whoever this is is just being cruel now. I hope you can get a definitive answer.

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 12:07

May well be a phishing scam. They’ll send you a link of ‘evidence’ to hack your phone. Relatively common method. Don’t click on any links!!

PoliteRaven · 30/05/2025 12:08

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 12:06

What adult would play a prank like that? It would be very strange.

Show quote history

There are plenty of weird, childish, messed up people out there.

Changedusernameforthis2 · 30/05/2025 12:08

Don't click any links OP .

DontTouchRoach · 30/05/2025 12:08

DeepfriedPizza · 30/05/2025 12:05

What exactly does the scammer get by doing this?

Show quote history

Sometimes money - because they will ask for money to provide proof of the infidelity. Other times it's just about gathering personal info. Or they will send a link to the 'evidence' which the recipient clicks on, which they use to hack your phone.

Injectingalittleluxury · 30/05/2025 12:08

TheRealMrsFeltz · 30/05/2025 11:56

Reply asking for evidence.You’ve got nothing to loose - you’re not showing you believe them, or are buying into anything. Can you really just ignore it?
Do some digging yourself, look for the number on your husband’s phone when he’s home.
Don’t tell him - he’ll deny if it’s true, he’ll deny if it’s not true. You’ll never know.
You followed the ‘he never has the opportunity’ with:

  • he’s away for work
  • he goes to the gym - who else is he meeting there?
  • he goes to work on a weekly basis.

Ample opportunity tbh.
Free with his phone means nothing. Is he open with his work phone as his personal phone?
Really hope it’s a scam my love, but save yourself your sanity and ask them to prove it x

Edited

This is so true. He could easily have a burner phone. Op he has plenty of opportunities and the fact that everything seems happy at home is irrelevant. It’s clearly someone who knows his name. I would do a hell of a lot more digging before I confronted him in any way. Hopefully it’s just some idiot and everything is fine at home.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/05/2025 12:08

Oh this is horrible. Poor OP, the seeds have now been sown...

I am really really hoping that this is, if not a scam, then just some mischief maker trying to stir up trouble. Has anyone else had access to your DHs phone lately? Is he a teacher or similar worker with those who might think it's 'funny' to do this kind of thing?

Bonkersdogmum · 30/05/2025 12:08

Yeah I agree prove it is a good response back - anyone who is prepared to send a message like that should also be prepared to supply evidence. I’m a bit like you OP - I know or indeed think I know where DP is at all times and any ‘affair’ just wouldn’t be possible if he is indeed as honest as I believe him to be

Also - please remember that if such evidence is supplied, it takes 2 to tango. It’s so easy to blame the OW.

Vibgyor · 30/05/2025 12:10

OP I’m hoping for the best that this is a cruel prank but I suspect it is true. I hope I’m wrong.

TokyoSushi · 30/05/2025 12:10

I feel a bit sick for you now OP, agree don't click on anything, don't send any money obvs.

treesandsun · 30/05/2025 12:11

"I’ve got a message straight back that just says ‘hahaha ok, you asked for it’" How nasty - you can rule out a friend wanting to let you know anonymously. I don't think I would be able to keep from saying anything to him but if you can - I would try and see if you can find the number in his contacts.

D you have an ld phone ? I would try a throway sim and in a day or so message and say Hi it is Karen or some generic name - new number - lost all my contacts - please re send names and numbers and see if you get a reply.

WombForTwo · 30/05/2025 12:12

DeepfriedPizza · 30/05/2025 12:05

What exactly does the scammer get by doing this?

Show quote history

Confirmation the number is active, a woman with a husband etc.

ARichtGoodDram · 30/05/2025 12:12

Also keep in mind that location shows where his phone is. Not where he is.

My ex's last marriage ended when his wife realised that while his phone was in a locker at the gym, where he said he'd be, he was down the road in the Premier Inn.

There were no messages to find on his phone because he and the woman worked together every single day. So they made their plans in person.

TourangaLeila · 30/05/2025 12:12

adviceneeded1990 · 30/05/2025 12:04

How do the scammers know the DHs name?

Show quote history

They send out mass messages with different names to hook people in.

My dad had a text once with my real name saying I was in hospital and needed money. He thankfully called me to check what was going on.

Then a few weeks later I got the exact same message.

It's very possible it's a scam designed to hook you in with panic.

I really hope it is op x

Nearly50omg · 30/05/2025 12:12

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:53

I’ve googled and searched the number and nothing.

the work event is in the Uk a couple of hours away. I guess when I say he hasn’t had the opportunity, it’s because he works from home most of the time, only going in once a week, doesn’t have an outing hobby and when he says he’s at the gym, he is! We share our location for really mundane things like knowing when to put dinner on so when he says he’s somewhere, he is always there.

I agree, anything is possible but it just doesn’t add up.

i know I should reply with ‘prove it’ but I almost don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I’m even slightly bought in by the message.

My husband worked from home and barely left the house without me apart from to go running and on work trips every now and then. He managed to have an affair with a colleague in America and he only met her once at a work thing in USA and then they seem to have stayed in touch and despite me checking his phone and pc etc there’s absolutely nothing on either with anything about her or even her name!

he suddenly left me with no warning after 25 years together and 2 children and 2 days later had booked flights to the USA to be with her 🙄 so yes unfortunately if they are going to cheat they will find a way and cover it up very carefully too

ARichtGoodDram · 30/05/2025 12:13

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 12:07

May well be a phishing scam. They’ll send you a link of ‘evidence’ to hack your phone. Relatively common method. Don’t click on any links!!

They'd be an incredibly lucky scammer to message a number and it belong to a woman married to the man whose name they used as her husband.

Wheredidthetidego · 30/05/2025 12:13

This is someone spiteful, what a nasty response from them. You have “asked” for nothing.
I would block and discuss with your DH when he gets back. You know him, you will know if he’s lying.

Guavafish1 · 30/05/2025 12:13

Men need 15 mins for an opportunity

cannynotsay · 30/05/2025 12:14

OP this is awful, sounds like the OW be so careful

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