DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Also, if any partner of mine insisted on giving away a family pet, I would resent them, baby or not.

But that doesn't mean the cat should be chucked out of the only home it's ever known - especially when it's done nothing wrong and is just behaving the way it always has.

Four months post-partum is not the time to be making permanent decisions about whether to keep a cat - especially as the cat isn't triggering any health issues like asthma or allergies.

I think OP needs to give it until her baby is at least a year old - give things a chance to settle down and for everyone to establish a new routine first.

Your DH needs to step up and help more - if the baby is bottle fed why isn’t he doing feeds? If your DH can’t contribute more then he doesn’t get to have a say on rehoming the cat.

I have always had cats except when DS was small and had severe asthma which turned out to be an allergy to leaf mould and physically narrow bronchioles.

For a period we had three and now have two. My home has never been covered in hair. The cat never went in the pram or cot because they were netted.

This would be my view too if s friend of mine did this. I personally would only ever re-home if absolutely necessary, I’m talking me going into assisted living where no animals are allowed and even then I’d probably ask a family member to step in if possible. We have two cats, one of which is an absolute dickhead and is so time consuming with his constant shenanigans, but we also love him and we’re all he’s ever known.

I understand the clingyness being not ideal when you’ve got a baby, I’ve got a 5 month old and one of our cats is very much a lap cat. It can make me feel a little touched out, but I just pick him up off me and move him repeatedly if I’m not in the mood, he gets it eventually. As for the hair, are you brushing the cat? Regular brushing helps remove the extra hair.

The final thing I did, which helped with extra cat hair and litter that he’s trodden everywhere was get a robot hoover. I know not affordable for everyone but I got a refurbished one that works well on carpet and empties itself and it’s been a HUGE help and so worth the money and means I don’t have to hoover constantly.

Oh absolutely! I am fine with giving short bursts of attention to friends pets but would be a pretty resentful pet owner. So I would never get one. My eldest understands she has to be an adult with her own place before she will have a cat. But my response is in the context of people giving a hard time to a new mum who is struggling. I simply present an alternative POV.

Is there any chance a family member would be willing to adopt the cat?
Perhaps that’s a compromise so your DH can still see him.
You don’t mention how old he is but adult cats are tougher than kittens to rehome.

This thread is just making me so upset. All these perfect judgy people hating on a 4 month post partum new mother who is asking for help because she's struggling to cope.
"Your DH is right" No! He is not right, unless he is doing all those things with the cat that might make a difference. The things one pp has suggested the strugggling new mum cba to do! Where a poster must be in their head to suggest this is about OP cba!
It must be lovely to be the boss and make the virtue signal decision, and leave the person in the mire to sink deeper on her own. DH made a commitment to OP and has a responsibility to their baby, but you know who's fault it will be now and for ever? Not the one dropping the decisions from the lofty heights of fatherhood.

Tell DH to do ALL the cleaning, & keep the cat outdoors when DH is not around.

Sorry, posted before finished.
OP, please make your DH's decision also his problem. It's easy to hand down orders if you're not the one suffering.

Don't change the litter, tell him it needs changed as he walks in the door.
Tell him the cat needs attention whenever he is not holding the baby or doing something else useful.
Explain he needs to brush the cat am and pm until it has finished moulting (or forever).
And the genius move some have suggested, when you get up in the night to feed the baby, insist he gets up to pet his cat. Every Time. Even if he doesn't do it, the point will be made.

Also I second the catflap or catio, and limiting access to rooms the baby uses to only when your DH is home.

Did your DH get the cat? If yes, tell him that he either finds a way to take care of the cat or that the cat has to go.

If you got the cat, I think you have been very careless to bring an animal in to your home without understanding how attached they can get to you.

It sounds like it suited you to treat the cat like a baby until you got an actual baby.

In any case, the cat deserves a loving home, not a home where it is just tolerated, so I would put feelers out for a loving home who needs a cat.

I have 3 cats. I struggled with the litter trays smells, trying to curl up on my lap when I was holding the baby and hair everywhere when DD was a newborn, they were indoor mostly with access to a catioed back yard. They started peeing outside the litter tray when DD was crawling (she was always trying to grab them, so they became stressed I think as they couldnt relax in the sitting room anymore). We made the decision to have them outdoors. They sleep in a nice warm shed with litter trays, toys etc(DD is 2 and still tries to grab them so they haven't been brought back in yet as it stresses them out) Is that an option for you rather than rehoming? It would be less stressful for them, and you.

OP, my brother & sil had to do exactly this for the same reasons. The final straw was when the cat started finding jumping into the pram a constant game. They found someone who was a cat lover & it settled perfectly within a few days.

Please don't feel guilty for this decision. I think your DH is being extremely unreasonable. As long as the cat is being well looked after that's all that's important.

I agree with all of this - if DH wants to keep the cat, he needs to make more of an effort to make it easier for OP who is caring for a new baby.

Once you baby is a toddler and into everything and clingy will you be looking to rehome them too? What if you have another baby and toddler is insecure, clingy and constantly under your feet?

What an utterly ridiculous comparison.

And what an utterly ridiculous post

Re the cat hair, some are much easier than others to manage. I’ve always had cats, including before, during and after DC. I’m fairly picky about cleaning.

I have always had rescues, most of these are DSH and its not difficult to keep the cat hairs cleaned away. One grew up to be much fluffier and was a nightmare for cat hairs. Same cleaning regime, just very different cats. I’m between cats atm but regularly look after one of the DC’s pairs. One of those is a “fluffer” as well, whilst the other is not despite both being fluffy looking.

Cats, like every other animal, vary hugely in maintenance needed and temperament and some are much easier than others. Solo indoor cats need a lot more time and attention than outdoor cats or cats in pairs. Is this cat too old to train to outdoor life or to have a companion?

My cats are my family. Ok they aren’t the same as my children but they are still mine. No way would they be going anywhere unless they looked like they were going to hurt the baby. Just being annoying would not be a reason to get rid. You baby will grow up loving it.

@ThisCleverAmberEagle im with you that if it’s all on you it’s up to you. If your DH won’t help then it’s all on you. Cat hair on the pram and bottle is gross, you should be able to keep things sterile and lock the cat out the kitchen and bedroom etc

Mumsnet thinks rehoming a pet is the worst sin a human could ever possibly commit and anyone who does it must be evil. We rehomed our cat after it scratched our baby near his eye and she moved to be with an elderly single lady and was much happier. She wasn’t happy in a busy family home.

How old is the cat?

I agree with you, but people increasingly think like that about cats and dogs. The world’s gone mad.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered

you cannot compare a baby and a cat. A baby is infinitely more important. So your point is invalid.

I'm different, had cats and other pets all my life and have 2 cats now and yes I have rehomed two pet before.

First was given to me and HATED me from day one, I have NEVER clashed with an animal like that before or since. It was miserable and turning violent, I was miserable and sick of being attacked, I literally couldn't afford the damage it was causing and it kept escaping (it would literally chew threw walls, fences, destroyed the house and everything, couldn't be calmed or contained. frankly if it was a dog it would have been put down under the danger act). It was no life for either of us. I stuck it out for a year (far too long with hindsight) then saw someone else want that specific pedigree bread (they had had several before, they where experienced in the diva temperament and for some inexplicable reason it didn't attack them like everyone else) popped up and not going to lie was not sad as they drove off with him.

The other I genuinely loved, one of the most wonderful pet I ever had and was a shining light in one of the darkest part of of my life. I was homeless and struggling to look after them so gave them up. It was sad and I lost the only thing I had at that time in my life and was left alone.

People are like a pet is forever you cannot EVER give them away... no a responsible owner does whats best for the ANIMAL which can often be re-homing.

Most people considering rehoming are struggling to cope which means animal care will suffer. It's FAR better to re-home somewhere more suitable before neglect becomes and issue (in which the animal will be taken and end up in a shelter later) and the animal suffers.

People rehome because they can't physically, mentally or emotionally cope anymore and thats fine, you are allowed to have health problems and life changes. There are over 83,000 CHILDREN in care (some remove some voluntarily surrendered) due to these issues effecting the parents ability to care so why people think pets don't end up the same is insane.

Also shelters have nothing to do with it if you are responsible, I have never given an animal to a shelter nor gotten one from a shelter. Shelters are where animals that weren't carefully re-homed when they needed to be end up when its far too late.