DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Absolutely, yes you can rehome your cat.

However this issue isn't really about rehoming the cat, it's about having a solution that works for you and your husband (who obviously wants to keep the cat). With that in mind, he needs to help find a solution that works for both of you.

Our cat was right on my tipping point post birth and here are somethings that helped:

• mosquito net on the pram when empty
• water hopper
• dry food hopper with timer
• buy more food bowls so don't have to wash and reuse immediately.
• shutting the cat in a smaller space when needed (e.g. at night). You could also think about where the bottle warmer is located too.
• We considered one of those fancy litter trays that separates the solids out. In the end we bought whatever made this job quicker/easier (litter box liners, better clumping litter, emptying the whole lot rather than scooping if I couldn't be arsed).
• robot vacuum??

@FelizNavidadAmiga

so everyone gets sympathy from you besides OP…bit misogynistic of you.
p.s I bet the baby won’t miss having cat hair in their bottle so not sure why you’d feel sorry for them…

I'm a massive cat lover and wouldn't dream of rehoming one due to having a baby. However, I can appreciate the worry that a cat can bring around a baby. You're also most likely feeling hormonal and protective of your baby. In fairness your cat does sound extremely needy and I would look at alternatives such as creating a room for it if you have space. If you have a TV, go to YouTube and google 'cats tv'. They have lots of channels devoted to entertaining cats with wildlife and bird videos set to relaxation music. I bet that your baby would enjoy watching it too.
You've got through the worst parts of having a baby and it does get a bit easier. There will be different challenges ahead though such as the baby/toddler trying to maul the cat. As long as your cat seems to cope with that and is not unhappy, then i would persevere. Once your baby is past 2 years old they will likely develop a really lovely relationship with your cat.
I would make your DH wholly responsible for feeding, bowl washing and litter training. I would also consider letting the cat have outdoor access if you are not close to a busy road.
I'm sorry that you have received so many unpleasant responses on here. You are a new mother and women should be trying to support you, even if they might have differing opinions.
Come on ladies, give the OP a bit of a break and not be so unkind in your responses.

People need to get over this idea that pets getting re-homed means 'shelters' rarely does it ever mean that.

Most shelter cats are feral kittens, rural/strays cats, lost pets, elderly cats whose owners died or animals removed due to neglect. People don't just take cats they 'no longer want' to shelters. Most re-homings are to family, friends, family friends or personal recommendations.

Re-homing and abandoning are not the same thing.

@FelizNavidadAmiga What an unpleasant thing to say. There is a real person on the other end of this thread. Your comment could push someone over the edge. At the very least it is likely to be very upsetting. How do you feel about that knowing that your flippant comment could cause someone to feel very low for a long time? Does that somehow make you feel better about yourself?

I am 100% with your DH. The cat is part of the family, and you agreed to look after him when you got him. If your baby ends up clingy and you have another one, what will you do then???

I would rehome the cat ,I would feel guilty but I would do it and you and the cat will be happier :)

This. It's unnatural and cruel to have indoor cats and people who have them were thinking about themselves, not the animal, when they got them. If it's too dangerous outside or you are concerned about birdlife then sorry, you can't have a cat. Them's the breaks.

I am a birth and post natalp doula and I see this often, during pregnancy and post pregnancy. And no.. she does not need anti depressants, well she may do, but first of all she needs support and the removal of sources of stress. She is biologically programmed to put her baby first and many women find this all consuming and overwhelming. Find a new home for the cat.

I’m going to go against the grain and say yes you should rehome the cat. But not for your benefit but for the poor cats benefit. I hate the idea of a poor helpless animal living somewhere it’s not wanted or loved just because it’s an inconvenience.

One of the reasons I ended things with my ex is that he kept his dogs caged 23 hrs a day in the garage because he felt they were too large to be in the house, however the conveniently small dog was in the house all day.

unless the cat is violent or aggressive then to me there’s no reason to rehome

A baby is not a pet. Sometimes animals are actually better off being rehomed than being in a household which cannot provide the environment needed. DH also signed up to cat care but is leaving the work and the problems to the OP.

OP what did such a clingy cat do all day when you were both at work rather than you being home on mat leave?

I know a baby is not a pet, but I do not think it is right just to get rid of a living thing because it's causing too much work. There is no guarantee this cat will be rehomed from a shelter and just giving it anyone would be cruel as you would not really know where it was going!

I don’t see the big issue if a cat is rejoined to a new permanent loving home, but on Mumsnet it’s the equivalent of throwing it under a train.

I agree -find it a new home with no baby/ toddlers

No there isn’t a guarantee of a rehome but that doesn’t negate my point that it can be in the best interest of the animal to find it a more suitable home. Nor does it negate the point that if DH is so keen to keep the cat he needs to step up the cat care.
Its all very well to say “I’d never get rid of my fur baby” but most of the posts here saying that are offering zero actual advice on how to manage the cat’s behaviour which is plainly causing an issue for the OP.

IME a cat or dog which is this clingy post baby will have been pretty clingy beforehand so I’m wondering how it managed before the baby and having the OP at home all day. Some animals simply thrive better as solo animals in a quiet adult home.

How horrible and selfish of you. Your poor cat was obviously never really part of your family.

@cinnamongirl123

for goodness sake! Humans trump cats. Alway. Get over it.

@Ihopeyouhavent

part of the family in a way… but not on a par with the humans in the family. Their needs matter most, that’s includes OP’s who right now needs this cat gone for the sake of her mental health.

precisely.

but I do believe the we should differentiate between rehoming and abandoning at a shelter!

when I was a girl my father decided to rehome his / our two cats (because his new girlfriend had two older cats already) he found them a really nice home with a middle aged (?) couple. We visited the home, the new owners showed me (I was maybe 12?) pictures of their old cat (that unfortunately died), the fenced-in/cat secured backyard etc.

Rehoming isn’t the same as dropping the cat off at a shelter ans hoping for the best. and it can be the right decision. (Although I wouldn’t be so sure if it is the right decision in this case. The husband stepping up and OP giving it some time would be better…)

This.

Babies grow up fairly quickly. I had three cats when I had a baby. My baby was always on me. My cats got used to the idea.

Child is now 9 and I still have the cats. Pets are for life and if you cannot guarantee that as much as you can for an animal, don’t get one. Sometimes pets do need to be rehomed, but your excuse is pathetic.

At no point did I use the word "abandon" in the post of mine that you quoted. I was simply listing scenarios in which it's never a guarantee that a rehomed pet will find a utopia in some other home.

However, in response to your point and based on my experience, I've adopted 4 shelter dogs in my lifetime and only 1 was a stray. The rest were given up by owners and handed in to the centre directly. The majority of dogs at our local Dogs Trust are not picked up as strays. People give their pets to shelters daily because they want them to be rehomed; I believe this to be significantly more common than just turfing a pet out into the street, which is very rare in the UK (thank goodness). And I don't think anyone has suggested that that was what the OP was considering doing (though some posters have admittedly been harsh).

when i was kid we had a cat that turned out my sister was allergic too. It 'ran' away shortly after! Suddenly dawned on me years later. You do what's right for you, if the cat needs to be rehomed so be it.

Gosh I think people are being so harsh and forgetting what post partum feels like. You are overwhelmed and touched out - which is completely normal. But it will pass. I think you will regret getting rid of your cat based on how you feel in this moment. You won’t always feel like this. I’d ride it out and keep the cat out of certain areas for now to keep your sanity. You aren’t a bad person you are just a new mum who’s exhausted and touched out. Be kind to yourself xxx