DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

I'm sticking by this thread OP to emphasise this may be the opinion of many,it's not the opinion of posters who understand how you feel.

You will not be abandoning the cat. You will not be being cruel to the cat. You are a good person & a loving parent who is stressed to the core having to take full responsibility of an indoor cat along with a new baby. You couldn't predict how this would affect you.

Please persuade your DH for the sake of your mental health to agree to give this animal up to a safe & loving home who has the time & ability to give it the attention it requires. You are not a bad person for feeling like this. You are considering what's right for you & your baby & indeed the cat. Please show your DH the posts from people who support you 💯

Oh and I will add that if some time and distancing d from the cat doesn’t work then you absolutely must put your mental health and well-being first. You are a new mum and you are important. More important than a cat (will get flamed for that but I don’t care). And I’m a massive cat lover with one at my feet right now.

I think people telling OP shes horrible and selfish should remember this is a mum who only recently had her first baby and is in overwhelm. What you are saying to her could be extremely damaging. Shame on you all.

I've volunteered at cat shelters. The cats are fed, cleaned and given a quick stroke, but it's nothing like a loving home. Please don't put your cat in one. It's a massive, horrible shock for them.

@Cinnamon123 your response makes me think the same of you.
Her baby and her mental health must come before the cat.

cinnamon123. A decent human wouldn’t talk to an overwhelmed new mum like this. Where is YOUR humanity!

I absolutely love cats but the responses on here are ridiculous.

OP your mental wellbeing is more important than a cat. Of course it is!

100% this. I really hope these ridiculous responses haven’t upset OP. Her mental wellbeing as a new mum takes priority over the cat’s.

i rehomed and don’t regret it- I got a new job so had less time at home and the constant litter changes, fur everywhere, their constant need for attention, then they caught fleas which was a nightmare. I contacted a charity, Ginger Cat something, they posted them on their social media and a lovely family contacted the charity to be put in touch to rehome. Cat rehomed within week. Best outcome for everyone.

Your comment is wildly disproportionate 😂

My previous friend made numerous comments about how getting her pet had been “good training” for having children; looked into having a perfectly healthy, young pet put to sleep while she was pregnant - before the baby had arrived; and then rehomed when numerous people were horrified that they were planning to kill their pet for convenience. It became abundantly clear that we didn’t share the same values.

I don’t have time for anyone who gets rid of a pet for the sake of convenience. If a pet is aggressive towards a child / baby that is obviously a different matter.

@mintandpistachio

more fool you at the end of the day for losing a good friend over a cat 🤷‍♀️

I'd rethink your husband too.
Of course your mental health is more important than the cat.
It will be better for the cat to go to a home where they are welcome.
You need to put yourself first.
Nothing wrong with that.

Your husband is a twat.

Keep the cat. Make DH take care of it and keep the home clear of cat hair (grooming, cleaning more, whatever he has to do.) Maybe shut it away in some part of the house you’re not using with some toys and a nice cat climbing thingy for a few hours a day, or at night, so you can have some cat-free time/trips to the fridge.

No point asking on mumsnet. They think if anyone ever dares to rehome a pet no matter what the circumstances you are the devil incarnate. You could be have a full blown asthma attack every day and they would just say to up your meds.
As long as you find the cat a loving home do what is best for you and your family. As a child when we moved countries we had to rehome pets. I have also taken on an older cat before. He sulked for about a day and then settled in and became a much loved happy pet.
Cats are not humans. The need shelter food water and maybe some cuddles. He will forget you in a flash.
Do what you have to do.

Do all those slating the OP think they are helping animals? You are not!

All you will do is cause people like the OP to not step forward and ask for help, talk about thier feelings or seek guidance on rehoming appropriately. Instead a new mum may quietly struggle on until she can't anymore. The cat might be abandoned or put on a dodgy site like pets 4 homes.

Many, many women have feelings like the OPs, it's instinctive to protect our babies, even from pets we love. We need to discuss it openly so that it doesn't take women by surprise, so they know it will pass. Shaming a mother for feelings that come from instinct isn't going to help anybody!

In cases like these we need to help the human to help the animal.

And at the end of the day, if the mother needs to find somewhere else for an animal to live in order for her mental health to recover, then her human family must come first

PPs are right that people need to think about the full implications before getting a pet, but this is a very good point. Seismic life changes like becoming a parent can sometimes change people in ways they couldn’t possibly have predicted, and we need to be able to talk about this. Of course it’s not ideal, but the cat would be much better off in a household where it isn’t treated like an inconvenience - if that can be arranged then it’s a win all round.

I also find the judgemental attitude of some cat-lovers a little 🧐 considering that a) keeping a cat indoors is cruel AF and b) letting a cat go outside wreaks havoc with wildlife, especially birds. And I say this as a lifelong cat fanatic!

My indoor cats literally will not go outside. They cry if you try to take them in the garden. I could sit out there with the door wide open and they’ll go upstairs to watch me from the bedroom window to make sure I’m safe.

Then you’re not one the owners I’m talking about!

I definitely am, my cats were only ever intended to be indoor cats. And I disagree firmly with everything you are saying!

Well you would, wouldn’t you (to misquote Christine Keeler)

No wonder there are so many animals needing homes. It’s irresponsible people like you who contribute greatly to the problem. Did you really think you'd get support for dumping the family pet because you have a baby now? Disgusting.

Ugh. You are the worst type of pet owner. Yes you are supposed to “suck it up” and look after the cat that is supposed to be part of your family. 🙄🤬

I disagree with most of the PPs. It’s a cat not a person. It’ll settle in very quickly to someone else’s house and a loved cat will be happier than an unloved cat. Rehoming it if you can’t give it the attention it needs would be kinder in the long run. (And No longer being friends with someone because they rehomed a pet is ludicrous). Having said all that you obviously can’t rehome the cat without your DH’s consent but he needs to step up to give the cat lots of attention when he’s at home, change the litter tray, hoover cat fur and help build a catio etc etc. I’d be giving him those options (ie step up or we need to rehome) and also getting a net for the pram and cat proofing anywhere else you didn’t want him to go.

I totally agree and would see if someone could look after your cat for a short time so you can have some breathing space. Your life and mental health are more important than this.

Take your time x