DH won’t let me rehome cat

[ThisCleverAmberEagle]

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

Cats are actually social creatures and are quite emotionally attached to people, the cat is probably bored silly being stuck inside with just you when you are no longer giving it the same level of attention.

Could you potentially build a catio and give it some access to outside? I would also cat proof the house - if you don’t want it charging you in the night maybe keep it in a specific area at night time with doors closed so it can’t ambush you. I had to stop my cat going up to bedrooms when I was pregnant which she did not like but it’s obviously not safe having cats near babies in case they lie on their heads.

Exactly. My brother tried his best to introduce the cat to the new baby. All went well initially until it started jumping into the pram. There was also an incident where it scratched the babies face after jumping on mum's lap during breast feeding. The new owner kept in touch with photos & updates & it was perfectly happy.

Oh god the OP is getting eaten alive on here. I'm not a cat person so the hairs would totally to me, I feel for you OP.

@Rosecoffeecup

you're not coming across the best yourself, hun

I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too.

This is not good for the baby. I think the OP is justified in thinking the cat would be better somewhere else - it isn't simply that the OP now finds the cat "inconvenient". The baby should come first.

Going to go against the grain here but I completely see where your coming from, it sounds like you are overwhelmed & previous posters that are lavishing shame onto you are not helpful in this situation.
there has been some really helpful advice around the potential use of a catio, for DH taking over some of the responsibilities for the cat and the fact that the dynamic will change as your child gets older. The cat could and more then likely will become an asset for your child as they grow and I say that with experience of juggling multiple animals and a baby (hard work indeed)
But and this is a big but, if you ride out some solutions and genuinely don’t feel that it’s in your cats best interest to remain with you, you can rehome in a responsible way knowing that you tried your best and it’s coming from a place of love, there is no shame in that op ❤️

also take into consideration that it can take a long time for hormones to settle after birth so try not to make any rash decisions but also you are human feelings change and so do priorities. Sending hugs 💐

People are deluded if they believe a cat wouldn't be content with a new owner. All they require is food and general care. Where this comes from doesn't matter. Please don't feel guilty OP. The cat will be fine if given with love to a person who has the time & resources to cope. You have admitted its too much for you. There is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Except you can absolutely get rid of a fucking cat you don't want for any reason whatsoever.

Can you lock the cat out of your room and have all baby bottle supplies in your bedroom for night feeds.

night feeds won’t last forever anyway, the guilt of abandoning your cat will.

mine get in the way when I get up to use the toilet in the night, the torch on your phone is your friend.

and I’ve said all of this whilst in my mind thinking that it is AWFUL to rehome your pet when he isn’t doing anything wrong and actually you just don’t need a fur baby now you have a real one 🤷‍♀️

It will get better/easier/more manageable as baby gets older. Maybe think of what would make it easier for now for you, I felt the same about my dog early days even though I adore her and now baby is 18 months it’s fine

But nobody is suggesting that the OP do anything for the cat that isn't basic care. It's really not that difficult to brush a pet every so often, clean up after them and provide them with basic stimulation. Their needs don't stop just because you've had a baby. If you're going to get overwhelmed providing these things, child or no child, then you have no business making a pet part of your family. They aren't humans but they're living creatures that think and feel. It's not difficult to find out a pet's basic needs, financial burden and life expectancy on google. You have the responsibility to research this before you commit.

Yeah I think the posts on here are harsh. Its an adjustment for everyone in the hoisehold including pets. And you aren't horrible for wanting to rehome your pet...you are finding it hard and that's okay I would say give it a few more months as it should get easier.

i got a puppy about 3 months before falling pregnant with DC2 (complete surprise) there is no way I would have got a dog if I knew that I'd have a baby.

At times I've resented the dog as I've had toys, dummy's chewed. Dog was ill one day and made a mess all over my living room and my house just felt dirty for ages because of the dog.

I'm 9 months down the road and as much as I still regret getting the dog it's easier. I still have days where I want to rehome but not as many. Ds love the dog. When I go back to work we will see where we stand and cross that bridge

hang in there it does get easier.

True (usually). but OP is clearly overwhelmed and has explicitly told her DH that she can’t continue to do the basic pet care.

Which is why her DH should do these basic tasks.
Her DH should empty the litter box, feed the cat, brush it etc.

Yep I'm totally not disagreeing with that. He can't preach to her about not wanting to give the cat up then do f all to help.

My divorced Mum bought a kitten ‘Charlie’ for my little DSis. After 8 years Mum moved in with new partner who already had an elderly unsociable cat.
Charlie went to live with my Dad. Another 4 years on my DSis went to uni and Dad moved in with a new partner who also had an elderly unsociable cat. Charlie went to live with my Mums friend Tricia and he lived happily with her for another 10 years where my Mum was able to visit him.

Cats are able to move homes, you just need to find the right way to do this.

At last common sense prevails.

It's not a guarantee the cat will get a new owner, or end up in a loving home. It could end up stuck in a shelter and euthanised because nobody wants it. It's clearly attached to its current owners and could struggle to adapt to somewhere new, so the next people give up on it too and pass it on to someone else. Or it could be adopted by someone who can't look after it properly (my first rescue dog was aggressive towards my DH at first, because he'd been mistreated by a previous male owner - he got rehomed two more times before coming to us, who were the only ones willing to persevere and rehabilitate him).

You say people are deluded for thinking the cat won't be happier elsewhere (when it's already in a suitable home with one owner who definitely wants it to stay); to counter, you're naive for assuming it will be.

Don't make any decisions now. This is often one of the most difficult stages of parenting when you haven't yet developed some of the strategies you'll need to make life work well and you are probably sleep deprived. Try some of the ideas suggested on here, make a 5 min time twice a day when your DC is asleep when you fuss, play with, enjoy your cat. Review in three months. It's not good to move a cat out of their home, but you have to weigh others' interests too.

We adopted our lovely girl in similar circumstances - the family had a toddler who was quite boisterous, and stressing her out, and they had another baby on the way. She thrived in an adult home with a lovely big garden to play in, and I kept in touch with her former mum until she tragically got cancer last year and had to be pts aged ten. We adopted her direct from the family which possibly made the transition easier as she was never in rescue.

We now have a little orange boy who was a stray kitten. He just turned two and is a complete thug, but also an absolute joy who helped me so much when I was truly heartbroken after having our girl PTS.

I hope there are things you can do to mitigate this, OP - eg we shut our boy (and did the same with our girl) in the kitchen overnight for bed as otherwise he's a total pest, and while we don't have free outdoor access 24/7 (always in overnight), he's currently sitting up on the shed roof surveying his kingdom. I do believe pets are for life, but also believe you can't have them making your life a misery.

Poor cat. So sad.

In a previous post I did mention the cat being knowingly sent to a cat lovers home. If proper care is in place before letting the cat go I see absolutely nothing wrong with the OP feeling she can then devote her attention to the new baby without the added stress. This is especially true given she appears to have to deal with the majority of the work involved. The scenario you are highlighting isn't relevant where the care of the animal is prioritised.

Ridiculous comment. I had an 8 week old kitten when I was 7 months pregnant and I never tripped over him and I couldn't see my bloody feet let alone a little scrap of a kitten.

@ThisCleverAmberEagle DH should be cleaning out the dirt tray even though your cat is an indoor cat. Your cat should also be locked away at night so that you can access the kitchen freely. I don't know why anyone lets their cats roam at night, ours sleep in the utility room.

Edited to add and no you are not sucking it up for DH's sake, you made a commitment to the cat and you need to honour it

As others have said, cats are not disposable just because you changed your lifestyle. They or any pet, are a lifelong (their life) commitment. I recently had a baby so I really know what I'm talking about.

Before my baby, the cat was out baby, treated like a king. We would even walk around with him on our arms like a baby because he loved it (the cat,). Fully indoors. Everything takes a bit more time with a cat but it is completely possible. Baby has his playpen and the cat is not allowed inside, we cover it when nobody is in that room. All toys are inside the playpen and cat is locked out of our bedroom.

I cut the cats nails and DH cleans the litter. We both feed him, we don't pick him up anymore like a baby, but pet him, talk to him, give him extra snacks and so. Whenever I'm on the floor playing with the baby or feeding the baby, the cat goes and lays down next to us, he wants to be included which is so cute and noble from him considering the baby took most of the attention.

I'm planning on allowing the baby and the cat to play together supervised when he's one year old. I'm sure they'll be best friends. Hang in there!

Just let the cat outside? It’s cruel to coop them up inside, how shit must it be to be imprisoned 24/7, no wonder it’s going mad. We have cats and a newborn and no issues whatsoever.