UPDATE
Right I’ve had it out with him. DD is out all day, so this morning I said to him “Can I have your phone a minute?” he handed it over willingly, I opened up WhatsApp and said “Who is ‘Tesco Dave’?” He admitted straight away it was Steph in a “Shit, you’ve got me” kind of way, nothing cocky or like there was no problem.
I’ll try and just give you a round-up, but basically I asked him to explain himself and he said he can’t, he said he thought she would be helpful for some stuff at work and he saved her name as a different name because he knew I’d be pissed off. I asked why would he think I’d be pissed off and he said because I didn’t like the way SHE behaved at the wedding in question and I’d told him to stop talking to her after that. I said no, it was the way HE behaved at the wedding and he knew fine well that was the reason: he had a tantrum because the girl he fancied slept with some random man. He pulled a face like that wasn’t what happened.
Sorry this is all just word vomit that I’m trying to get out so it’s badly written and may not make sense.
I said I never told him to stop contact with her, but it been my understanding that he’d seen her for what she was that night and then also been embarrassed about his own behaviour in relation/reaction to her, and therefore decided to cut contact with her himself. He said OK yes maybe that’s true. He never at any point denied having his head turned by her and was adamant that nothing ever happened between them - I said I never actually thought that it had, but it felt very much like it could’ve done if she’d wanted it to. I said I thought that he had realised that night that he was nothing special to her as she was acting the way she was with lots of men there, and therefore realised that she was not worth causing problems in his marriage for. He neither confirmed or denied.
He quickly into the conversation (might’ve been straight away tbh) admitted that he’d made her a non-executive director at his company about 12 months ago. Didn’t tell me because he knew I’d be annoyed. I said so you have prioritised having contact with her over our marriage - he said no but pretty much admitted he could see how he might be prioritising his business over our marriage.
He was very much drip feeding info during this conversation.
I asked how frequently he contacts her and he said he didn’t know, maybe twice a month (bearing in mind I have his phone in my hand and have their conversation open and am scrolling through) - I pointed out Saturday just gone, Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Monday is not just twice a month - he was all “That’s just all about the same issue though”
He later says it’s worth mentioning that he was also in contact with her before he asked her to be a non-exec director, he said maybe 3 years ago. Turns out what he actually meant by that is that they’ve been in contact constantly over those last 3 years. Why didn’t he tell me? Because he knew I wouldn’t like it. Why do it then?! Of course “I don’t know.”
He says he’ll sack her off. I said it’s not about that! She’s done nothing wrong here, it’s him who is in the wrong and he knows it otherwise it wouldn’t be such a big secret. “I know, I know” bill shit from him.
I said I can’t say for definite, but I do think if he’d have said to me 3 years ago “I think Steph would be able to help me with XYZ for starting up this company, would you have any issue with me contacting her?” I don’t think I’d have minded. But looking at the amount of contact now, I wouldn’t have been OK with that because it is a lot.
He said all their chat is work related and tbf it is, but he made out like the work she’s done for his business and it’s actually way more than that. The conversations are all above board, but they’re about his work, her work, people they used to work with etc.
I asked if they speak on the phone, he said no, just a couple of times over the last year and other people were on the calls.
About an hour has past by this point and I’m still scrolling back through the messages (which go back to 2022 on the app), not reading them all because they’re boring, just skimming a few. There are several where she’s invited him to see F1 and various other different sports things - he said they were to do with her work and she invited him as she thought they’d be good networking opportunities for him - he said no most of the time, but on a few occasions said “I’m in!” but then didn’t actually go.
At no point is he saying he’s seen her, so I eventually ask if he has. It’s like do I have to ask every fucking question possible to get the info out of him?! He said “Yes, once I think. At a conference.” You think? “Well I don’t want to say yes definitely only once and then there be another occasion I’ve forgotten about.” I said well you better think then and he reiterated he thinks just that once, he can’t remember any other occasions, but if there were others they were all work related.
I keep scrolling back and see a voice note from her, which is all “Hi mate, you ok? Don’t know if you still live near X city, but I’m around there tomorrow if you want to meet?” I asked if he went and he said no he didn’t think so. You don’t think so? No, I’ve not been on a night out with her or anything.
Few more messages, Me: “So you don’t meet her in X town near where we live?” (Nothing actually said they had, I just thought I’d try and catch him out) Him: “Oh yes actually me and ‘Tim’ (business partner) went to meet him and Derek (her work colleague) but that was in the day, not night and it was still about work” At this point I’m ready to start smashing things as I’m so enraged.
Theres a Twitter link he’s sent her so I open it - very boring work thing, but then when that’s finished his Twitter feed shows porn after porn after porn, there’s nothing else on there other than porn - nothing too horrific from what I saw, but plenty of wank fodder. He claims he watches them when he’s away with work.
I say is there anything else you want to confess to? He says no but obviously I can’t necessarily trust that because he’s not exactly been forthcoming. So I sat with his phone for a while longer and found nothing else incriminating, but Tbh I got bored after a while, because it doesn’t matter if there is because what I’ve found is bad enough.
I’ve told him I don’t want to be around him and he can think of what he’s going to say to DD because I’m not coming up with excuses for him. I can’t be near him and be nice to him and don’t want DD to think I’m at fault, so he can explain either that he’s done something wrong so I’m angry, or he can fuck off so she doesn’t see me being angry with him. I can’t pretend and I’m not having any of this on me because he is entirely at fault.
Theres plenty more I could say here I’m sure, but I think I’ve written enough for now and those are the highlights.