New man masturbation anxiety

[Twoseasonsleeper]

Not sure whether to be annoyed at him, or myself, or just slightly disappointed.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We get on fine. We’re at the stage now where I am thinking that maybe this could go somewhere, and I have zero desire to be anything but honest with him about everything in my life. Secrets and lies are for other people’s relationships.

I work from home most days and we were chatting last night about how boring it is sometimes. He asked how I fill my days and I joked that the W in WFH meant walking, washing and wanking (ie sometimes I go for a walk, do the laundry or masturbate).

He seemed genuinely surprised that I would, in his words, ‘need to’ masturbate now that I am in a relationship and that he felt a bit anxious that he wasn’t good enough. I laughed it off and said that it’s no reflection on him at all, that I do it cos it feels good not cos I ‘need to’ and that it’s just a nice way to pass the time on occasion when I’m bored and work’s a bit light (when there’s no washing and it’s too rainy to walk!).

He seemed subdued like I’d broken some bad news to him. Not sure what else I could’ve said really. It’s no big deal to me if he does it. I don’t care either way and wish I’d never mentioned it about myself now. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill and I’m not sure what, if anything, to do.

No, @squashedmallow, I'm neither. But I'm mortified that you think I might be - hate the thought of coming across as prurient. Truly wasn't intended that way but yuk, sorry, please ignore my question.

I do despair though at the inevitable righteous, moralistic, self-aggrandising responses to the OP's post. FFS! As though anyone working from home never takes a break.

Yes my thoughts exactly
Or a year 13 student bored of A level revision

I get where you are coming from OP.

That’s what I mean, you may not feel comfortable talking about Sarah’s dildos (was it Sarah?!), but you can’t tell Sarah she’s not allowed to.

If you don’t personally talk about sex, or anything related to it, fair enough. But other people are still able to, might want to, and it’s not up to you to police their tone or conversation

I’m absolutely disgusted to the core that mumsnet has removed my link to ‘ham shandy’ in the urban dictionary.

Are you OK?

But the point is that he doesn't think she should be masturbating at all. The work thing isn't actually what he was complaining about. He was complaining that she has an orgasm without him sometimes.

OP says in her last update he thinks this is evidence that she has some " unfulfilled need".
I think he has a point: if she really needs to get rid of her sexual energy during the course of a normal working day by masturbating it does smack of her having " unfulfilled " needs.

Dunno if I agree - the more I get, the more overall turned on I feel. It’s not an unfulfilled need, always.

He sounds like a man child. Red flag to his sulking. Get out of there while you can.

This thread has really annoyed me.

I know standards of behaviour are pretty low these days but that someone actually thinks it's normal behaviour to sit and masturbate while she is being paid to work really beggars belief. And that she has normalised it to the extent she goes round telling people that's what she does at work is inexplicable to me.

All the people talking about red flags because of the guys response must have some weird viewpoints about acceptable behaviour if they actually think it's him that is out of order.

Totally agree.

I WFH too, but I'd never think of doing that during working hours - even on days where work is quieter I still remain at my desk and ready to respond when I'm next needed for something. Plus, I'd be worrying I'd get a call from a colleague or boss mid act - and there'd be no greater mood killer than that. 😂

At the very least it's very disrespectful to your place of work. Nipping to the kitchen for five minutes to make a cuppa is fair enough, but that's just taking the mickey.

Would love to know what job OP has to have such a cushy arrangement - perhaps it's worth using that time to look for another job that'll keep you busier rather than digging for clams.

I completely agree. But according to @ItGhoul I'm the one sarcastically being asked if I'm ok . It's madness isn't it.

Where on earth are you getting the impression I'm unable to talk about sex ?

This is the problem with people like you. Equating extreme prudishness just because someone understands there's such thing as privacy and decency.

Perhaps my morals are different / wrong but I’ve never once felt guilty about it.

Five or ten minutes upstairs once in a while. That’s it. What’s the difference between that and a cuppa or going to the loo for the same amount of time (in terms of dedication to work)? And I do both of those other things daily whereas the controversial thing much less often.

If it was an hour a day or whatever then fair enough. But it’s not.

My job is clerical. I have reports to write and emails to answer, mainly. And Teams calls to go to. Sometimes there are gaps in the diary and I can manage my workload so I can ensure the work all gets done whilst using those gaps to do the laundry or maybe go for a walk, or have a cup of tea or maybe, very occasionally if the mood takes me, masturbate. Am I really that bad?

I didn’t say unable, I said not comfortable and don’t want to.

Which you have said, yourself, you don’t think it’s appropriate to share that information with others including your husband.

The point I was making is that your preference not to a) take 10mins out for that during if you’re WFH, or b) tell your husband when you do that at any time of day - is up to you.

You are absolutely entitled to privacy, but some people aren’t private about those subjects and don’t want to be.

I don’t really see what your problem is or why you’d be so bothered. You do you, but everyone else doesn’t have to.

“People like me” meaning…?

If I'm being honest : i think it's totally unnecessary to share that. There's no need. I find it distasteful and don't need a mental image of you foraging around in your knickers because you can't control yourself until you leave off. I've concluded I must be living in the wrong country or even world !

No, you’re not that bad.

If you’re taking 5-10mins away from your desk, the reason doesn’t matter.

Making a brew isn’t work related, neither is doing laundry. There’s no value difference in stopping to spin the washing, and stopping to take some “you time.”

Stopping is stopping, you’re not doing anything “more wrong” than spending 5mins prepping your tea during work time.

With respect. I wouldn’t share it with you. I didn’t even think I was ‘sharing it’ with my BF. I was making a joke that contained a reference to it. I didn’t sit him down for a serious chat.

Nor is it about me ‘not being able to control’ myself. I’m not a woman possessed! I’m just bored with nothing else to do, and the option of a pleasant activity to engage in for a few minutes. If the phone rang on the way upstairs I’d turn around and answer it. Nobody would die.

What? It's completely different!

Things like making a drink or seeing laundry are often essential/time critical - like you'd be dying of thirst if you didn't stop to make a drink at some point. 😂

Stopping for a wank isn't essential or time critical in the least - no matter how horny you might be. It's purely for pleasure - literally - and demonstrates an appalling work ethic/lack of respect to your employer.

If I was OP's partner I'd be getting the ick from that more than anything else. Just shows that you're putting your own pleasure above your work.

I disagree.

I don’t care if my employees spend their lunch break getting their nails done or doing an essential activity like eating or shopping.

I don’t care what activity they decide to do in the 5mins they take from their desks, whether that’s washing or “wanking.”

I don’t expect to be notified, like don’t be putting your masturbation in the diary, but if I’m okay with them taking time out (which I am), it doesn’t matter what they do with it.

Ahhh sherrrrruuuppp!!! Everyone is entitled to a lunch break 🙄

Clearly a healthier option than a smoking break!

Yeah but the one leads to the other if you’re doing it right 😉 @StarlightLady