New man masturbation anxiety

[Twoseasonsleeper]

Not sure whether to be annoyed at him, or myself, or just slightly disappointed.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We get on fine. We’re at the stage now where I am thinking that maybe this could go somewhere, and I have zero desire to be anything but honest with him about everything in my life. Secrets and lies are for other people’s relationships.

I work from home most days and we were chatting last night about how boring it is sometimes. He asked how I fill my days and I joked that the W in WFH meant walking, washing and wanking (ie sometimes I go for a walk, do the laundry or masturbate).

He seemed genuinely surprised that I would, in his words, ‘need to’ masturbate now that I am in a relationship and that he felt a bit anxious that he wasn’t good enough. I laughed it off and said that it’s no reflection on him at all, that I do it cos it feels good not cos I ‘need to’ and that it’s just a nice way to pass the time on occasion when I’m bored and work’s a bit light (when there’s no washing and it’s too rainy to walk!).

He seemed subdued like I’d broken some bad news to him. Not sure what else I could’ve said really. It’s no big deal to me if he does it. I don’t care either way and wish I’d never mentioned it about myself now. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill and I’m not sure what, if anything, to do.

Thanks for pointing out yet another double standard on this site

Agree. It’s a bit Jay from the Inbetweeners for me and I’d cringe if someone if only known a few months said that to me

Neither is wrong it’s just they’re on very different wavelength imo.

And I’m another one who doesn’t think having a wank at work is something most people do

She said nothing about breaks. Weird how many people are getting off midday whilst WFH. Issues much. Taking advantage much.

Excellent point. I'd never date a man who was wanking at work! Red flag!

It’s a bit of a strange thing to say, so early in the relationship, and I’m pretty sure if it was the other way around, most partners would get the ick and feel a bit inadequate themselves, although it does depend to a certain degree how often you see each other.

my ex was very much of the opinion that I shouldn’t ever wank and I should save myself for her, although im pretty sure she did when we weren’t together. My current partner actually encourages it and sees nothing wrong with it at all, and she is open about it and her solo activities.

everyone is different and everyone has different views on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in a relationship. There is no right or wrong imo.

i think the only way I would see myself being put out by it would be if we had sex that morning and I found out/was told she had a bit of solo play an hour or two later. I think I’d feel as though I didn’t satisfy her.

I can guarantee that he wanks when he’s not with you so I’d suggest keep on doing what makes you happy but maybe keep it to yourself and don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Taking advantage of what?

I make a cup of tea sometimes mid morning. If I get 5mins I might throw the washing machine on, hang it out, chop some veg, do something house related for 5mins here or there during the day.

Is the issue that someone’s taking time out of work for a ‘personal matter,’ or what it is?

Is that speaking as the OPs partner or literally you want her to call you so you can join in😧

The issue is you are within work hours and should be WORKING! None of those tasks are job related, go to the office!

Brilliant answer

Great thread, OP. I’d say it’s a bit of a red flag. Seems to me like he’s « othering » you, but you know him, and we don’t.

It doesn't look like that stops people if you read previous posts

Mate it takes me about three minutes, it’s fine.

It was said in a lighthearted joking way. I think it’s funny! If he didn’t he’s not your person.

Someone who is so insecure they can’t take a joke (and the fact you wank on occasion) is not your person. If he makes an issue of it, be glad you found out who he is now.

What? 😂

My nearest office is 150 miles away, so thank you for the recommendation but I’ll pass out that daily commute that isn’t necessary because I have a remote contract.

People don’t sit at their desks relentlessly working away in the office either - they chat, have a cuppa, speak to their colleagues, whatever. I’d imagine my staff would be fairly miserable if I just tied them to their desks and told them to ONLY work for 10hrs a day.

I don't work from home, but if I did, yes I absolutely probably would! Not likely to announce it though.I can't guarantee I'd sneak off to fiddle about with my fanny though in my break. Funnily enough, as a grown adult, I think I could restrain myself.

😂😂😂

Honestly, what are you on about? I know you are aware that lunch breaks exist, and are, in fact, legally mandatory.

I might spend mine doing something different to you if I’m in the mood, why do you give a fuck 🤷‍♀️

I think you’re both being unreasonable. His response is but for you to throw masturbation into the context of that conversation is also pretty weird.

A red flag for what?

Being abnormally Human?

So, in this parallel universe:

You feel it is perfectly acceptable to "wank" when you're supposed to be working. And then go and tell your beau of two months that you're "wanking from home " and that's not remotedly crass. Definitely not.

I think it's unnecessary to announce you can't keep your hands off your own minge in a working day and then advertise it to someone you're seeing for a short period.

Once upon a time , people pooed, peed, masturbated, menstruated and more without needing announcements.

A grown adult that's not in the throws of late teenage /early adult hormones that can't do a day's work without fiddling about in their own crotch does need to grow up ! So bloody crass the lot of it.

@Twoseasonsleeper is this you?!!!

strange how this has appeared in my feed after this thread!

'Can't keep your hands off your own minge'

😂sorry that cracked me up

There seem to be a lot of people posting that are not understanding the concept of a work break.

My DH encourages me to masturbate in front of him - finds it a big turn on & it often features in our sex life. However, he's hinted that he would have a problem if I decided to go solo - nothing actually said, but I get that he may have an issue; so I make sure that he doesn't know on the odd occasion when I do. 😉

You've clearly never had a real job love