New man masturbation anxiety

[Twoseasonsleeper]

Not sure whether to be annoyed at him, or myself, or just slightly disappointed.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We get on fine. We’re at the stage now where I am thinking that maybe this could go somewhere, and I have zero desire to be anything but honest with him about everything in my life. Secrets and lies are for other people’s relationships.

I work from home most days and we were chatting last night about how boring it is sometimes. He asked how I fill my days and I joked that the W in WFH meant walking, washing and wanking (ie sometimes I go for a walk, do the laundry or masturbate).

He seemed genuinely surprised that I would, in his words, ‘need to’ masturbate now that I am in a relationship and that he felt a bit anxious that he wasn’t good enough. I laughed it off and said that it’s no reflection on him at all, that I do it cos it feels good not cos I ‘need to’ and that it’s just a nice way to pass the time on occasion when I’m bored and work’s a bit light (when there’s no washing and it’s too rainy to walk!).

He seemed subdued like I’d broken some bad news to him. Not sure what else I could’ve said really. It’s no big deal to me if he does it. I don’t care either way and wish I’d never mentioned it about myself now. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill and I’m not sure what, if anything, to do.

To the people that are using those to bash WFH, please be assured I have had plenty of work wanks too.

@Twoseasonsleeper I would definitely be cautious, it’s a small thing that could mean absolutely nothing but could also be indicative of several flags of the red variety.

Should he?

Wouldn't bother me. Its totally normal

I'd be pissed off that you didn't call me so I could join you :)

maybe you’re just not well matched. If a man said that to me I’d get the major ick.

Erm? Is he saying there are ham shandies going on his end? I find that a likely tale.

Hand, though I suppose he could be using ham. 🤔

and he’s used it to sulk and turn petulant about instead of responding in a kind or loving manner

To be fair to him, she didn't describe him sulking, she said he went a bit subdued.

Despite my silly comment earlier it's not outside the realms of possibility that OP has managed to find herself one of the rare, non-pornsick men who -shock horror- are actually satisfied with sex with one woman!

I think it's quite sweet actually.

OP, assuming there isn't any sulking and petulance, just tell him you love fucking him and it's great, but you also like masturbating and they're two different things. And he can join in if he wants, next time you're WFH together.

I wonder what he’d say if I offered him some ham and a shandy.

I'm sure he'd be delighted.

I don't think I could date a man who was this insecure and/or naive to think that it's not normal to have a wank when you're in a relationship with someone. Each to their own and I can see from this thread that some people obviously feel that it's something not to be discussed with a partner, but the kind of man I've always found attractive would not only be intrigued but would also want a detailed description and a live demonstration.

I would honestly find it quite off-putting if a man told me he never masturbated.

What does he expect you to do if you feel a bit frisky at a time when he's not actually around? Is he expecting you to pop your chastity belt on and suppress your libido until your next date?!

it's not outside the realms of possibility that OP has managed to find herself one of the rare, non-pornsick men

I don't think 'understanding that masturbation is normal within a relationship' equates to 'pornsick'. I'd call that basic knowledge.

Agree with this. If his fragile ego can't cope with you not being entirely reliant upon him for sexual gratification, what else can't it cope with? Definitely a red flag for me

Another work wanker reporting for duty 🙋🏽‍♀️

If you’re the kind of person who would say something like that within your relationship (I am) then you need to be with someone who’s on the same wavelength otherwise it all gets pretty stifling, pretty quickly.

@treetopsgreen Can I ask why? (Not trying to be facetious or anything; I'm just genuinely interested to know why it would be a issue for someone.)

Unless he's your boss then it's zero business of his!

I would totally get the ick if a man I was seeing said that to me.

Being honest, I think it's a bit of an odd thing to say in a new relationship. Bit, I dunno, 'crass'. I expect if you're relationship is all new , he likes to think the only sexual activity you want is with him. I kind of get that. It sort of reduces sexual pleasure to a 'function' whereas when you're 'in love' I think sexual pleasure is tied in with them not about scratching an itch. Nothing wrong with masturbating, but I don't think I'd have said that really, not so early on. But everyone will say he's abusive, so I guess that'll be the end of your budding romance 🙄

Exactly. Crass, is what it is. I wouldn't want a man telling me about wanking when WFH, any more than I would want him telling me about doing a huge dump, or picking his nose.

I don't think 'understanding that masturbation is normal within a relationship' equates to 'pornsick'

Sure but on balance I'd probably rather have a man that didn't wank, that one who wanked to porn regularly.

What I'd actually rather have is a man who wanked without porn. I'm not sure how common that is though.

I don't think 'understanding that masturbation is normal within a relationship' equates to 'pornsick'

Sure but on balance I'd probably rather have a man that didn't wank, than one who wanked to porn regularly.

What I'd actually rather have is a man who wanked without porn. I'm not sure how common that is though.

You never discuss sex with your sexual partner?

Mumsnet must think my post is that good, it needs to be shown twice.

Maybe offer to give him a demo?

Not in such terms, no.

And, as I said, if my DH had come out with something like that after two months I would have been put off him.

That's a shame, it's great fun.