New man masturbation anxiety

[Twoseasonsleeper]

Not sure whether to be annoyed at him, or myself, or just slightly disappointed.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We get on fine. We’re at the stage now where I am thinking that maybe this could go somewhere, and I have zero desire to be anything but honest with him about everything in my life. Secrets and lies are for other people’s relationships.

I work from home most days and we were chatting last night about how boring it is sometimes. He asked how I fill my days and I joked that the W in WFH meant walking, washing and wanking (ie sometimes I go for a walk, do the laundry or masturbate).

He seemed genuinely surprised that I would, in his words, ‘need to’ masturbate now that I am in a relationship and that he felt a bit anxious that he wasn’t good enough. I laughed it off and said that it’s no reflection on him at all, that I do it cos it feels good not cos I ‘need to’ and that it’s just a nice way to pass the time on occasion when I’m bored and work’s a bit light (when there’s no washing and it’s too rainy to walk!).

He seemed subdued like I’d broken some bad news to him. Not sure what else I could’ve said really. It’s no big deal to me if he does it. I don’t care either way and wish I’d never mentioned it about myself now. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill and I’m not sure what, if anything, to do.

I despair at how many people are still so emotionally and sexually repressed that they couldn’t talk about - even mention - masturbation to their partner. A perfectly normal
thing for people to talk about. A weird thing to deliberately exclude or repress from conversation with a sexual partner.

no one has said anything about liberal bragging about BDSM or anything else, I’m not quite sure where you’ve conjured up that from.

When did the word wank become something used for women? Personally I shudder when I hear it used that way, as if women’s sexuality was like that of men, which it isn’t .

I mean , I could. but, I don't think It's necessary to be honest. I wouldn't tell him I'd scratched my back because it itched, or that I'd got a really nice juicy bogey out and it was very satisfying. I really wouldn't want to know he'd had a wank either and then hear all the "I was thinking of you" lies 😅. It's between him and his hand !

I wholeheartedly agree. But we're supposed to act like that nowadays. Like there's zero difference between men and women and sexual practices. There's a lady called "grace" on a reel I was watching (looks a bit like Jodie marsh ) being interviewed about sex and she talks like a teenage boy. Apparently she "does women" too. "Try sticking ya finger in the pie" she says to Katie price "oh yeh I 'av done girls" Katie says. "If ya let fellas stick it up ya arse, you'll get another 6 months outta the relationship" she brags (guess she still likes the cock, as all these 'blow up doll' "lesbians" always do. I thought "have we really come to this ?"

I'm not sure where you've conjured up that I'm sexually repressed. What a lack of insight that shows.

I possibly do all the same things you do. Only, it stays private. It's called decency.

When you've been married many years, your husband or wife having a "wank" just isn't that exciting. I think it's more people that aren't getting it enough that need to keep harping on about it !

Dear God…

Ps I never said I couldn't . I just wouldn't. there's a big difference. If he asked me outright (which he wouldn't ) I'd answer him ! If he didn't ask, I wouldn't tell , just like I wouldn't tell him I'd itched my back. It's non-info.

Your call is important to us. You are currently number 69 in the queue. Unfortunately, all of our operators are currently busy tossing themselves off, but please hold on the line and we will get back to you as soon as we come. Thank you.
Cue music: When I think about you, I touch myself

Well at least they’ll maybe be in a better mood when they come back!

I just thought it was a joke OP - I wouldn’t have delved further if my fella said it (may or may not have found it crass depending on the day/context etc) but your fella I think has a big ego about the satisfaction his penis supplies. I’d just keep an eye on this - his behaviour, not his dick! - he may have other ‘ideas’ and they could become rules. He could be insecure I guess, but that’s a bit unattractive if you need to stroke his ego too much.
Apart from that I don’t think I should have read the fuller thread as I’m now going to be wondering if folk don’t answer on teams as they’re busy with Mary 🙈 or Thomas 🤷🏼‍♀️ - was happy never having such images - as I’m not a prude but clearly naive enough to have thought the W may stand for wasting time, washing or whistling but not even entered my head to consider wanking.

So if calling it wanking is uncouth, what are we calling it?

And please don’t say female masturbation.

Me too!

Tending the lady garden 🤐

Oh come on... Names already exist. They may not be tasteful, but none of us specified that had to be. But you don't "wank" your afford mentioned "lady garden " do you ? You're just being obtuse and determined to prove that anyone who doesn't play with themselves on their lunch break is an uptight prude or can't bring themselves to orgasm. It's school playground shit. "Sarah is a stuck up virgin because she won't tell is if she uses a dildo "

I think what we’re saying is that Sarah shouldn’t dictate to others whether they use a dildo, or they talk about dildos?

No I’m not being obtuse, I’m asking the question, what’s the acceptable slang name for a woman masturbating? Why is wanking only the word for guys doing it? Genuine question.

F, 40s here. Regardless of 1:1 sex, l enjoy a little me time once or twice a day usually. The needs are totally different and it seems he sees this as a threat.

This

Tell us you don't work from home, without telling us you don't work from home 🤣

Even homeworkers are allowed breaks! And if ya want to wank, then wank - But, he does seem a pearl clutching.

Sorry to divert the thread but I'm so interested: work wankers...where/when??? Do you nip off to the ladies for a quick break? Aren't you worried you'll be too long/too noisy/too quiet?

Nobody is dictating that people can't masturbate! Don't be so silly. It's the vocalisations of it to others.

I think this is either from a man or a journalist

Nothing wrong with masturbation.
But the thought of someone sitting doing it whilst they are supposed to be working is gross.
I'm not surprised he was subdued because he must be reassessing who OP actually is if she sits there pleasuring herself while getting paid to do a job of work. Perhaps he was thinking she's in the wrong line of work.
I don't understand all this talk of red flags because tbh I think it was a pretty revelatory thing to spring on someone.

Amazed to wake up to this many replies! Also amazed that people seem to have e misinterpreted both what I did and what the problem is.

To be clear, I don’t ’sit at my desk pleasuring myself’ nor did I tell him anything like that! I made a crap joke about what the W stood for in WFH. It wasn’t a deep sexual revelation designed to titillate him or show off. I walk and do the washing for more often.

The problem isn’t about whether masturbating during the working day is acceptable or not (I don’t care what people do privately in their own homes so long as the work gets done). It’s about my BF’s reaction to my own behaviour which I found odd. He didn’t seem off because he’s a working from home purist, but because he thought it was evidence of some kind of unfulfilled need. My counter argument is that, no, it’s actually just something I do that feels nice, like making myself a hot chocolate.

Well actually I don't think he comes over as odd OP.
I think you masturbating while you are essentially at work is actually the one who comes over as odd.