New man masturbation anxiety

[Twoseasonsleeper]

Not sure whether to be annoyed at him, or myself, or just slightly disappointed.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We get on fine. We’re at the stage now where I am thinking that maybe this could go somewhere, and I have zero desire to be anything but honest with him about everything in my life. Secrets and lies are for other people’s relationships.

I work from home most days and we were chatting last night about how boring it is sometimes. He asked how I fill my days and I joked that the W in WFH meant walking, washing and wanking (ie sometimes I go for a walk, do the laundry or masturbate).

He seemed genuinely surprised that I would, in his words, ‘need to’ masturbate now that I am in a relationship and that he felt a bit anxious that he wasn’t good enough. I laughed it off and said that it’s no reflection on him at all, that I do it cos it feels good not cos I ‘need to’ and that it’s just a nice way to pass the time on occasion when I’m bored and work’s a bit light (when there’s no washing and it’s too rainy to walk!).

He seemed subdued like I’d broken some bad news to him. Not sure what else I could’ve said really. It’s no big deal to me if he does it. I don’t care either way and wish I’d never mentioned it about myself now. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill and I’m not sure what, if anything, to do.

5 minutes says it all 🤣

I think that sexual activity is a bit 'the more you have the more you want', for me anyway. So wanking while working from home would be a sign my sex-life was going pretty well, rather than unsatisfactory.

This is a fascinating thread. I’ve never had a wank while wfh, and it’s honestly never occurred to me that anyone did. If someone I was dating had made the ‘w’ joke/comment, I’d be quite weirded out. Firstly, because I don’t really do sexual humour. And secondly because (I’m being honest here), I’d be grossed out. I recognise that this is very much due to prudishness that I was wholly unaware that I possessed, but I’m pretty okay with that.

However, his response of essentially ‘why would you need to wank now that you have regular access to my wondrous cock?’ is also really offputting, and indicates he either has issues with or simply doesn’t understand female sexuality. It also speaks to massive insecurity. You wanking has literally nothing to do with him.

Dumpity dump dump dump.

Inappropriate is the word you are looking for.

Is this what I should have been doing during my WFH period?! I had no idea!

Instead I did my actual job. Silly me.

Either stroke his ego or dump him.

Well it didn't come across as a joke to us, and it clearly didn't come across (pun not intended) as a joke to him either.

Perhaps you two aren't suited, OP. Best to find someone who appreciates your "humour" better.

I cannot believe there are grown adults who think having a wank in private - regardless of the time of day - is something that warrants the word 'Yuk'. It's not like they're doing it in the middle of a Teams call.

Everyone has breaks during their working day. Can't really see why (if you're at home) that spending that break having a wank is any different from spending it doing anything else. Why is a wank on a Tuesday lunchtime somehow worse than having a wank on a Sunday morning?

Or do you thinking wanking in general is unacceptable?!

It shows he is quite insecure and have a bit of a limited view of women’s sexuality IMO.

See if he brings it up again or how he is next time you have a shag. Be prepared to dump- CBA to reassure an insecure person!

Also if a wank is happening in a scheduled break then who cares.

Delighted to see I’m not the only one WFH (Wanking From Home)

Are long wanks a thing?

I think masturbation is something a lady may partake in but never mentions as it's most private. She should never speak saucy thoughts to her beau as that's over sharing and he'd get the wrong impression of her.

It's so fucking unnecessary to think it's 'normal' to share that information!? Fiddling about in your knickers whilst most people stop for a cuppa and a sandwich is odd behaviour. Yeh everyone masturbates , or most people do, but most people scratch their backsides or trim their overgrown hair - all perfectly natural. But appropriate to share when they should be at work ? No! It's inappropriate. Totally inappropriate. Grow up !

Especially when he was supposed to be working.

Yeh everyone masturbates , or most people do, but most people scratch their backsides or trim their overgrown hair - all perfectly natural. But appropriate to share when they should be at work ?

I bet you, that you've scratched your backside when working from home.

Some genuine advice. It seems your joke hit a nerve. Personally, I would have another chat with him about it. I don't see why you shouldn't if you're having sex then it shouldn't be an issue to talk about having some solo time.

It does seem to me that he's either insecure or may have some boundaries around it. Like some women have a no porn boundary. It's worth settling it before deciding if you can continue in a relationship with him or not.

If he doesn't like the fact that you masturbate at all, I'd be chucking him over. It's natural and healthy. Find out if he's happy to share whether or not he is still partaking. Hell I'd even go a step further if he wfh as well and get him to join you. It might open up some more interesting avenues and bring you closer together.

So, when you're working, you never take a single break, ever? You're allowed a lunch break at home, you know, and you're allowed to spend it doing whatever you want, whether that's a wank or unloading the dishwasher.

Is this satire?

Long enough to not be doing at WORK

Well I work from home a lot and in quiet periods I contemplate doing housework, life admin etc but never thought to masterbate and I think if a bloke told me he masterbated during the day at work I'd think it was a bit odd so yes, I see his point

What, exactly, is inappropriate? The fact that someone has a wank during the day, or the fact that they mention masturbation to their sexual partner?

If they're doing it at home and in private, during the break time they're entitled to, what is inappropriate about it? What's it got to do with anyone else how someone spends their break, at home? They're not 'sharing' it with their colleagues or the Amazon delivery bloke. If it's not taking up any more time than the sandwich or the coffee, it's having zero impact on anyone else, or on their work. It's not some gross violation of anyone else's boundaries to have a wank in your own home.

And how is it 'inappropriate' to discuss sexual behaviour with someone you are having a sexual relationship with? Who the hell thinks discussing masturbation with their partner is more intimate than letting them fuck you?!

I don't think I'm the one who needs to grow up here.

Would you date a man who said he spent his work days wanking?

But that wasn't his point.

His point wasn't that it was weird to have a wank during the working day. His point was that in his opinion she shouldn't have a wank EVER AT ALL, because she's dating him and she shouldn't ever want an orgasm without his direct involvement. Which is something very different. His complaint was about masturbation, full stop - not masturbation at specific times of day.

I believe his response is a reflection of the fact he thinks that sexually, you are exclusive to him now. So you don't mess around with other men, or have any private sexual exploration on your own. Old fashioned and narrow minded.

I would say this is a red flag.

You still get a break wfh