I feel pressured but at the same time dont want to loose this guy

[PoliteEagle]

I am in a relatively new relationship (appx 6m) but we are getting along very well and moving towards building life together etc. The problem is that my bf has been married before and got divorced because his wife finally revealed that she doesn't want to have kids (before that she was saying it was too early, lets wait etc)

Now i think he has a trauma due to this and a fear that it will happen again and he will end up without a family.

So what he is saying to me is that he wants to get married and have a family, but a family should come first, ie he wont marry till a kid is in the picture. He is also in his early 40ies and he is becoming a bit pushy about it.

I am not sure here. I really like him, but i feel I am not ready for a kid just yet, though definitely want them in future, and also 6m together is a bit early to move towards kids etc. I am younger than him, but I know that time flies fast and it is getting increasingly difficult to meet someone suitable as time goes on. When I say I am not ready for that, he freaks out saying that he heard it so many times before..

Another thing, I would definitely preferred to get married first, it is unsettling for me to have a kid before a marriage, at the same time I understand his concern, that he doesn't want to repeat his mistake and marry someone incompatible in values.
Sorry for the long text, I am a bit lost, how to approach all of this??

Ditch. If he was a keeper he wouldn’t be pressuring you like this.

There are plenty more fish in the sea and you’ll know when you meet the one you really do want to start a family with.

Run away!

He needs to sort his head out. He’s not ready for a relationship. 6 months is far too early to be planning a family. And he’s being really unfair to try and push you into it.

Don’t have kids without being married, for your own financial protection.

Plus, he sounds controlling and pushy. Move on.

End it. Too much pressure and all on his terms. Does he even care what you want out of the relationship or are you just a walking womb to him?

No way would I have a child before I was married.

Well, not unless I had greater assets than the man.

Op, a kind and loving chap would both respect your wish to be married before having children, and would not be pushing you into having them anyway, especially if you are considerably younger than him. I’m sorry, but this really doesn’t have the makings of a long and happy relationship.

Why don't you want to lose him, OP?
Tell us his good qualities.

I would tell him that your really like him but you feel very pressured at his behaviour only 6 months in. That’s madness that he’s even doing this! Mention it as a shared life goal
but 6 months and pressure? Absolutely not. If it doesn’t stop, I’d run away from this quickly! You don’t even know each other, it’s the honeymoon period!

We have a lot of fun together. Lots in common, Can talk for ages. He is a really interesting person not dull or boring. Makes me laugh. And good in bed😇

No wedding, no baby. Simple.

Everyone s saying to run away. i am so shocked. I though I would be getting advice on what to say and how to mediate that, to come to compromise. I might be wearing thick pink glasses here?

Nope

If he won’t get married before ttc he isn’t committed enough to the relationship. It doesn’t matter how much trauma he has. He either trusts you as his partner in life or he does not.

You don’t need to run away, but don’t stop taking the pill until you’re married

That would make me very suspicious of his real feelings. Does he see you as the incubator of his baby, hence the urgency to get pregnant soon after only six months because he wants to have children before he feels he is too old?

You need to be married before even contemplating having children and sadly I think his true feelings will emerge and you will find that he isn’t as into you as you are to him.

He just wants your uterus!!

Not exactly after 6months, more about discussing timelines at this stage, like about getting engaged towards 1 year and getting pregnant then.
You got me worried. I want to have a proper family not just having a kid like tickbox exercise for someone.

Yeah I wonder what the whole story was with his marriage breakdown.
Maybe she realised she did not want to have children with him

Run far and fast.

This really is the bare minimum for a relationship. You say you're younger than him, how young are you?

Are you a similar age so having kids sooner rather than later is about your biological clock?

Edited as see you say you’re younger. Significantly or slightly?

A man you barely know is trying to pressure you into having a baby because his ex-wife didn’t want one, and dangling marriage before you as some kind of post-baby ‘reward’? And you thought people were going to say ‘Sounds great, what a guy!’?

Look up trauma - being played/lied too/betrayed isn't trauma.
Ffs.
Don't have kids before marriage and do t have kids with this man.
Trauma- urgh.

Late 20s, i know it is kind of age difference but i dont mind.

Agree with this. He’s pressuring you to prove yourself worthy of him by having his baby before he’ll make a commitment to you.

What an absolute Prince you’ve found but hey he makes you laugh and he’s a good shag so the rose tinted glasses are hiding the glaring red flags.