Posting for traffic and hopefully some past experiences. My husband and I separated at the end of last year - our 8 year relationship (6 year marriage) was pretty rocky, and a lot of our arguments revolved around the way he treated my dd who he first met when she was 3. He has always been shouty, strict and also childish with her - bickering like he's her age, but then being overly disciplinarian at other times, which has led to huge rows between us as I felt he didn't let me parent her as I would have liked. This drove a rift between us, I stopped loving him really as I also felt his selfishness and lack of empathy applied to other areas and he was just not a very nice person to live with. We separated temporarily a few times but then permanently. Anyway, dd has been ambivalent about contact with him, even though she has never known her bio dad she has a conflicting feeling about ex-h and the other thing is that he has now moved abroad. So apart from a call on her birthday, they haven't spoken and she hasn't asked to. She does love him but she genuinely doesnt remember how bad things were for most of the relationship as she was too young. It was like, when I went away for work for a week 2 years ago, I had to get my mum to come look after dd because I felt like exH would just be mean with her, or ignore her - he would just let her watch tv for hours while he gamed. It wasn't the father figure I wanted modelled for her. I should have left long ago.
I have just received a strongly worded letter from my ex-h's solicitor saying that he wants to have weekly calls with her and have her for 3 weeks every year, 'either in the UK or (country where he now lives)'. The letter is not offering any kind of financial support towards her. He never adopted her or took on legal parental responsibility, so that doesnt surprise me and I haven't asked for it. However they are basically saying they will take this to court if I don't start facilitating these zoom calls and visits, with the first step being mediation.
I have zero idea of ex-h's current living situation, relationship status, anything. I cant imagine agreeing to send dd off with him when things are so frayed between us and he is acting like he has the legal right here.
The past year (and tbh previous years) have been traumatic. I am so upset to get this formal email today, in the midst of trying to pull things together financially for me and dd and start over again. I have also just had a huge health scare which landed me in hospital for 3 days. And now this.
Please help me. Is this normal for step parents to do this? What do I do? Im worried about affording a lawyer myself but he earns 6 figures and so the disparity between ys is so big. I dont want my dd to be brought into this, she has been through enough.