Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

Yuck! Any man who does that isn’t a man you’d want anyway. And 28yr olds don’t want men that age.

Do you think sometimes waiting for this "spark" is what is letting you down. If someone is nice and pleasant and you have enough in common, why not spend more time with them instead of expecting "sparks" to fly when a couple of 50 year old have a coffee?

It all seems a bit too Disney for me.

I think no spark is just a polite way of saying you don’t find someone attractive and would never want to sleep with them. So there’s no maybe. It’s a definite noooo

I don't because I often hear women and some men say that they were attractive and nice enough, they're just waiting for this magical feeling of extreme lust or lite love or something that will let them know they're The One. On a first date in Costa.

I don't see the point of dragging it out.
Nice bloke but there is no way on this earth I fancy him.
Way too nervous. I dated someone like this on off for 3 years before me ex H. It never got any better.
I'm not so desperate that I want to date someone I don't fancy. Even at 49.

Bit of an over exaggeration. No one expects ‘feelings of extreme lust in costa’ but mature adults know pretty quickly if there’s absolutely no connection that makes us want to know more about that person.

Its much easier to know if there’s zero spark imo And often there’s no immediate spark but there’s enough about someone to want to see than again - if that’s not there, what’s the point of wasting both your time?

So he was super nervous .. maybe that is why there’s no spark, me personally would have given him a second chance, maybe got to know him abit better.
i do think some people dismiss people too soon without giving it a chance, life isn’t all about sparks etc maybe try getting to know someone first, ive lots of friends that’s I previously met on dating apps that weren’t relationship material for
me, but I liked them as a person.
what have u got to lose ?

I think it depends on your dating history.

Exactly.

I'm 45 and feel the exact same way. I've just started a thread about old too!! It's bloody awful. Even the attractive normal ones act weird. Glad I got my puppy. Think between the kods and the dog, I'm done now. Feel shit enough without anymore odd balls.

Don’t give up hope I threw plenty of them back into the ocean was about to give up hope at 41 with 5 children , then met my partner now fiancé old

we’ve relocated to the opposite end of the uk and getting married in October

Well that's the thing isn't it.
Given a choice between being single and forcing myself with someone I don't fancy, single will win.
It's not ideal and I don't like it but I'm not financially desperate either.
Geography is difficult because I'm very much based where I live due to kids school and their dad/extended family. Having said that it's a city so lots of men to potentially date
I have a lot of good friends, great kids and limited time as a single parent for dating.
I want to have sex again but not with anyone for the sake of it. I'm not a model but neither am I awful looking either. I'm fit and pretty good for my age.
I do need to feel at least some chemistry to go on a 2nd date.

I think you have the right attitude. You don’t have to give anyone a second chance and can reject a man for any reason. It’s funny how it’s only ever women I hear being referred to as picky.

I didn’t feel a spark when I first met the guy I’m currently dating (admittedly it wasn’t OLD and we met out in the wild), but nor was there zero attraction. I ‘gave him a chance’ because he’s good looking and his messages to me in the subsequent days piqued my interest. A spark then developed. I don’t think women should ever have to entertain dates with nice men they’re not attracted to, but instant butterflies in the stomach is not a prerequisite for dating someone either, IMO.

Good luck, and join us over in the Dating Thread! 😊

You need to make sure you don't get invested until you've actually met them (a few times). No matter how much you think you connect over text/phone (and that can obviously weed a good few out). I don't even exchange numbers until a date has been arranged as it helps to keep things a bit more detached.
I've also stepped right back from the whole online dating. I'll go on there occasionally, but not all the time like I used to. I've joined some local "singles" groups - singles as in we are all single, as opposed to dating groups and I think a lot of people are starting to do the same (ie move away from tinder et al)
There are some good single men out there, but it does seem to be slim pickings.
Don't give up!

OLD has had its day. It might still work for gen Z more because they've never known any different and a lot of the men aren't used to approaching.

It's certainly depressing at 49.
The amount of men where understate their age by around 10-15 years.
I seem to get a ridiculous amount of likes from kids in their 20s.
What I really want is 40-55 normal man but zilch.
I don't want old men either.

I’ve dated a few much younger men.

I’ve found them interesting, articulate, funny, respectful, authentic, relaxed, interested in me, polite — and hot 😂 — basically everything your average 55-year-old isn’t.

If you’re not bothered about long term, I’d recommend it.

Wouldn't say no to a hot younger guy. The last fling he was 54 and sex was err interesting...like went soft sometimes when he was already a bit small, took a while to ejaculate...wouldn't go older again I don't think.

Yeah I've had 65 year olds message me!! Seriously, like the confidence but noway. I'm mid 40s

I’m in my 50’s and had messages from men in their late 70’s most of whom resemble Dobbys more wizened older brother 🤢

I think I've figured out what's going on. I'm 49.
My profile isn't being shown on bumble to the men I want to meet
Probably because men aged 40-55 have set their filters to women much younger.
It's ridiculous because I'm getting all these likes from kids ages 20-35 but none from the right age group.
Weirdly not many from 60+ Just a handful that I ignore
Short of lying about my own age I don't know how to match with men 40-55.

Why not just go on a mucky holiday to Tunisia or something?

Lots of handsome men trying their luck with people there. Con artists of course. But I'm sure the sex would be better than what's on offer here.

You could just say 'a lady never tells her age' and put any age you want.

Fuck it op, go after what you want. Men tell boldfaced lies on these things and still get given chances.

Not sure I can change my age now without deleting and restarting. I've paid for a month so I'm reluctant to do that.
Definitely don't want to do a mucky holiday.
I want sex with a hot intelligent man near my age. But they all want sex with women in their 30s.
It's shit.

Why not go younger? If you look good for 49 (which I think you said you did), then you can attract a man 10-15 years younger.