Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

I think the apps are bad, not saying good older guys aren't on there but only very briefly before they get snapped up and they are dwarfed by the amount of men with issues who are still single or divorced at our age i.e. porn addiction, abusive, substance abuse issues, feckless in one way or another, cheaters, commitment-phobes and so on. Then the men who are attractive, sane and solvent are going younger, sometimes much younger.

Sadly there are more good, relationship ready and worthy women than their are men and I think this is true at all ages. Probably the bulk of these relationship type men get into relationships young and then stay with that person essentially forever and only a few become available later in life, and when they do they aren't single for long.

I think getting to know someone in person is better as it allows a more holistic attraction to develop before you even get to the dating stage but outside of your teens and twenties school, education settings and early career it isn't easy. OLD is the best way to meet the most people but most of it will be a waste of time. I would keep a toe dipped in but don't expect too much and if you can find genuine interests that you can expand into more social opportunities.

Omg GDPR 🤣🤣. I think I would've started picking my nose at that point..

I had a short relationship with one who several times gave me lots of credit for a reasoned discussion I had made on a particular subject. Not at all patronising.
This was someone who could barely make himself a cup of tea.
Keep going OP it gets easier the more you do it. In a couple of weeks you'll have forgotten all about him and moved on to much better...hopefully. 🤞

Right.

(Woman here 😉)

Chill thine beans.

1. Yes, I can totally see how you'd be pissed off but perspective, it's one night. I know it's a valuable night, so at least this chimp has shown you he's a disrespectful fuckwit who thinks nothing of wasting your time before you got any further down the line.

1. You didn't get played. You're genuine, don't bullshit people, and judge others on your own decent standards. You don't think people like this exist until you meet one. Bullet dodged. You'll be more aware going forward, that actions count, and stupid WhatsApp lotharios are ten a penny.

1. That's because you're normal. And decent. Just what he was looking for, for an ego boost. There won't have been another woman. He's probably married, thank your stars that at least you're single and not his poor wife.

You weren't going to find "the one" first try (of course someone is going to claim that's exactly what happened to them, but it essentially doesn't) but you did learn that cheating dickheads see decent, honest women as easy targets. So take it as a back handed compliment that he sought you out.

Back on the horse, so to speak. Treat it more business like. Meet soon, and don't get too invested until then.

Good luck x

I went in a dare with a man whip said he was 5’11 and 54 - he was actually about 5’7 and 60!
He was actually good looking and we had a nice dare but once someone lies, I’m not interested.

Oh and he told me on the date he has permanent ED.

I think that was the point I gave up

Just….why? 🧐

Im bi im a woman i like women and men but i like women more.
And some women on them apps are barking mad and some just creepy.

I dont see the issue. I have done this to women, and they have done it to me.

You dont just chat to one person, you chat (hopefully) to a few. You may meet someone on a Tuesday, someone else Weds and a different person Thursday. You may meet Tues person again Friday night and plan to meet Weds person Sunday, but had such a blast you have decided to put everything into the person you just met.

He was honest about it, and had not met previously. Keep at it, meet people and see what happens

Honestly I would avoid dating sites. They are literally a hangout for people who are rejected in real life.

Probably married/in a relationship and backed out of going through with it.

Even men that are intelligent and sound really lovely can be unfaithful.

Omg this is so sad

' I was getting bored, especially when he gave me a lengthy explanation of GDPR'

Sorry but this really made me laugh out loud 🤣

I really dont get what you are saying.
I have good friends i never wanted marriage.
And i dont have a personality disorder.
I dont disappoint myself either.
Are you saying bi women have personality disorders.🙄

One of the biggest differences between OLD and traditional dating is the distance it gives you.

Back when we met people because we'd been introduced by friends, colleagues or family, or because we'd bumped into them at our local bar or hobby, people probably made a bit more of an effort to be respectful because people you know were going to hear about it, or you'd see the person around at some point.

With OLD you're much more likely to be meeting strangers. For good reasons or bad, you can completely remove them from your life with the push of a button, without the awkward consequences of them being a co-worker's best mate.

Really? What’s the alternative?

Lol this poster @pinkglitter12 thinks bi women have personality disorders.
And should get friends.
Now its because anyone on a dating app gets rejected in real life.
Honestly he/she needs to put the wine down clearly making a fool out them selfs.

As someone that's married to someone I met on a dating app, my advice would be to change the way you're swiping. Get strategic. Most women are probably going for the same men - these are not the men you want (by all means go for them but don't be surprised if you're ghosted). Identify the profiles that are probably getting less attention but could still be perfectly decent options. Sometimes men with bad pictures or bad profiles are good-looking, interesting people who are just no good at this or have given up being sincere. Find those men (and be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs). It is a numbers game but there are lots of people out there who want the same things as you. I met my now-husband on Bumble. He had terrible photos (not awful-looking, just didn't seem like he was making an effort) and nothing in his bio but ended up being a total catch in person! Have some fun with it and happy swiping.

@ThatAquaRobin I have had a few of those last minute cancellations which just make me think married or chatting to others. One told me he had lost his phone over the weekend then found it in his laundry basket on the Monday.

In a way, it was just a week wasted. And at least he told you upfront. Keep your spirits up. You deserve better.

I know it can work because I met my ex husband that way 2007. But that was when internet dating was somehow kinder and more respectful.
With him it never felt hard.
Well it didn't until he upped and left 14 years later.

Not sure if you agree but I wonder if there are more people hedging their bets nowadays. A guy might meet someone he likes but then he knows on his phone he can just pop back on the sites and have a nosey about and someone else might catch his eye. So it's like there is less full commitment with some men on the apps.

You do need a thick skin for it. But that guy did the right thing to tell you. I met DH this way - and if it’s any consolation, his stories about some of his dates/matches are just as eye-opening!

Woman here, who spent time on dating apps in my late 40s. I was looking for someone to keep my busy when my kids were with my ex, not necessarily a relationship, but sex was definitely on the requirement list. I learnt never invest too soon with anyone, especially before you have met. You know so little about them, just little points of data and you play dot to dot and end up with your image of what they will be like, and the reality is often wrong when you meet

Take it for fun, don't fall into a scarity mindset.

For us post divorce age group many of us will be looking for people who aren't going to be the same as our exes, we've learnt our lessons. I do wonder if for men that means weeding out women who aren't looking for a very active sexual element to their relationships, as this would be a deal breaker and perhaps why marriages failed. To be fair, if a guy was lovely but awful in bed I wouldn't have wasted my time

I also think many women see a relationship as a safety net, emotionally, financially and socially as it's seen as status symbol to be partnered up. But what are we bringing to the relationship table?

Just not true at all. I’m mid 40s and get men wanting to take me out from their 20s to 60s. I would never settle for an elderly man unless I am elderly too.

I never use them. I meet people on nights out, volunteering, through work etc

I’m bi and it’s true.