Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

You assume right. I think there’s probably much the same people of all the sites, in terms of the App they still want to send you their ‘special selection’ of people 200 miles away 🤣
I think my profile was okay - not many matches but then I’d been fairly brutal and honest to pre filter as much as possible. Subscribed for a month before I deleted to give myself a break - in that time I only actually met up with 2: One was only weeks out of a 4 year relationship and had been using 10 year old pictures. Hmmmmm
The other was actually lovely, interesting, intelligent- but no physical attraction.

I found Ourtime shockingly bad. I paid for a month and lasted about 4 days before I deleted.
I was just bombarded with ‘ur so sexy’ type messages from men who resembled fat bastard from Austin powers or Dobbys more wizened brother.

The Norman Bates vibes were off the scale.

Im at the stage where Im happy to be single forever than be a nurse with a purse to a man. I like my life, I don’t feel there’s anything I’m missing - other than sex but hey there’s toys to scratch that itch.

Honestly I think 90% of the men I went on dates with added a couple of inches to their height. One in particular claimed to be 5’11 and 54 but was actually about 5’8 and 59. He was attractive and good company but I couldn’t get past the lies

100% agree - if someone lies at the outset, it’s difficult to get through that. Guess that lying about height is something women don’t do, as most men aren’t really bothered (unless they’re totally focussed on looks - in which case they’re probably quite shallow anyway).

Correct most men (70% ???) are not too fussed about what height their woman is.

However there is a contingent (25% to 30% of men who do have a preference) - on dating apps the men who do have this particular preference are very likely to say do and put it in their profile.

Men I have met from dating apps and in real life have two preferences (the first one (a) is more common)

(a) men who do want the women they date / marry a few inches shorter than them. On dating sites this type of man will state "I like petite women" or similar

(b) very tall men who (somewhat sensibly) think than dating women below 5'7" would be ridiculous - and / or they have a natural preference for tall, Amazonian people like themselves.

The tall men (b) on dating sites do also state clearly their preference.

There's no point the women changing their profiles by the time they bump into these men online because:

1. they would have set their height at the start of creating their profile

and

1. most women know that there's absolutely no point adding or subtracting a few inches as obviously the man will realise as soon as they meet.

But men on OLD dating apps (men who are naturally under 6 ft) seem to create a problem in the first place by having such an issue about their own perceived lack of height, the majority of men OLD do add inches.

Even if he's 5'10" he will pretend to be 6' or if he's 5'8" he will pretend to be 5'10".

Anyhow ooooh..... soz I am rambling a bit now. Ooooooops.

Are you sure that ‘petite women’ doesn’t mean ‘not chubby’?
i’d also disagree about a height difference being ridiculous - I’ve dated women between 5’2 and 6’: neither felt wrong. The only time I’ve heard women complain about lack of height is talking about a guy they had to reach down to hold hands with or - ok I’ll try not to get too crude but - whose height made some positions challenging or less satisfying….
Anyway, each to his own - we all have preferences and no one can change those - I think we’d all agree the most important thing is to be honest about yourself and what really matters to you.

@Bittenonce
I actually agree that some men don’t understand the meaning of the word petite.
I’m a size 8-10 and just under 5’10 and I’ve had men describe me as “petite” 😂. I’m certainly not! I remember when high street brands would have petite sections in their shops and I believe they catered to women 5’4 and below.

@mahoganynails just another example of some men communicating badly? Or more about men saying ‘I don’t fancy fat birds, how do I say that in a way that doesn’t make me sound a tw*t?’ 😂

TBH they usually give themselves away easily anyway and earn a swift left swipe.
"Looking for a petite woman" often going hand in hand with "No drama please" or "No crazy exes"

Op it’s a numbers game. It’s disappointing to feel rejection, especially if they are the few that are able to hold a text conversation. But there are others out there. Been there wanted to give up, but decided to keep trying and treat it as meeting a friend rather than partner.

I was on OLD for quite a few years. Had amazing dates that went nowhere. Met quite a few not so great guys. Had short term flings. At the start got upset with rejection, but realised dating has changed.

I eventually met DP, dating for 4 years. Admittedly his text conversation was dry, not my type in photos but he was interested in getting to know me. It was a change from the normal forced conversation. Something just flowed. Went on our first date and couldn’t stop talking and laughing.

i was very jaded with dating so he had to work to prove he was interested in a relationship and not a fling. But something just felt different.

I don’t think I would have met him if I hadn’t treated OLD as meeting new friends.