Page 4 | Shit men on dating apps.

ThatAquaRobin · 2025-05-10T13:13:59+00:00

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point? I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble. He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend. We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it. Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest" Am I naive or is this the norm now? Honestly I just want to cry What's the point?

BeEagerTurtle · 11/05/2025 10:40

UndoRedo · 11/05/2025 09:40

Woman here, who spent time on dating apps in my late 40s. I was looking for someone to keep my busy when my kids were with my ex, not necessarily a relationship, but sex was definitely on the requirement list. I learnt never invest too soon with anyone, especially before you have met. You know so little about them, just little points of data and you play dot to dot and end up with your image of what they will be like, and the reality is often wrong when you meet

Take it for fun, don't fall into a scarity mindset.

For us post divorce age group many of us will be looking for people who aren't going to be the same as our exes, we've learnt our lessons. I do wonder if for men that means weeding out women who aren't looking for a very active sexual element to their relationships, as this would be a deal breaker and perhaps why marriages failed. To be fair, if a guy was lovely but awful in bed I wouldn't have wasted my time

I also think many women see a relationship as a safety net, emotionally, financially and socially as it's seen as status symbol to be partnered up. But what are we bringing to the relationship table?

I also think many women see a relationship as a safety net, emotionally, financially and socially

^^
I think this is absolutely spot on - men don’t really think this way- being in a relationship with someone is good, but it’s not the be all and end all to be partnered up

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 10:47

BeEagerTurtle · 11/05/2025 10:40

I also think many women see a relationship as a safety net, emotionally, financially and socially

^^
I think this is absolutely spot on - men don’t really think this way- being in a relationship with someone is good, but it’s not the be all and end all to be partnered up

Edited

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I’m an older woman and I see a partner as a nice bonus, nothing more.

Im self sufficient and never want to cohabit again so absolutely don’t want financial, emotional or social support as I already have all of those.

Id just maybe like a male companion to do stuff with but both have our own lives too

And actually I’ve found in my experience it’s the men who want more than that

TranceNation · 11/05/2025 10:48

Surely everyone has sussed out by now that the dating apps are a utter toilet these days.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 10:53

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 10:47

I’m an older woman and I see a partner as a nice bonus, nothing more.

Im self sufficient and never want to cohabit again so absolutely don’t want financial, emotional or social support as I already have all of those.

Id just maybe like a male companion to do stuff with but both have our own lives too

And actually I’ve found in my experience it’s the men who want more than that

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Yes it’s always the men who want commitment and to tie me down, whereas I want to stay free.

BeEagerTurtle · 11/05/2025 10:55

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 10:47

I’m an older woman and I see a partner as a nice bonus, nothing more.

Im self sufficient and never want to cohabit again so absolutely don’t want financial, emotional or social support as I already have all of those.

Id just maybe like a male companion to do stuff with but both have our own lives too

And actually I’ve found in my experience it’s the men who want more than that

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And that’s fantastic for you

In my experience it been women who want those things you allude to.

maybe in just as self sufficient 🤷🏻

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 11:02

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 10:53

Yes it’s always the men who want commitment and to tie me down, whereas I want to stay free.

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It’s one extreme or the other with men in my experience.

They either just want a quick casual shag or a replacement wife - the well named nurse with a purse.

Ive yet to meet any man in my age range (52-63) looking for same thing as I am. As soon as I mention never wanting to cohabit again and the fact I go on holiday etc with friends, that’s when the conversation usually ends.

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 11:04

BeEagerTurtle · 11/05/2025 10:55

And that’s fantastic for you

In my experience it been women who want those things you allude to.

maybe in just as self sufficient 🤷🏻

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We have very different experiences then.

I’m late 50’s and none of my single friends want a live in partner ever again. It’s been the men who seem to be looking for a wife replacement

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 11:25

Well I'm meeting another one today 2pm for coffee.
On my unexpected Sat night in I was flipping between mumsnet, friends on Whatsapp and bumble.
Today's chap is 54 and knows I'm not planning to move in a man to my house with two kids.
He also knows I got flaked on last night bless him.
We will see
My only concern is his teeth. All is pics are closed mouth smile. Can't be doing with manky teeth 🤣

OP posts:

Rotora · 11/05/2025 11:26

He is probably married. They do this for the buzz then don’t follow through with the date as more chance of getting caught or being nothing like the picture they have used,

Some studies have suggested that up to 50% of people on dating sites are married or in relationships.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 11:29

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 11:25

Well I'm meeting another one today 2pm for coffee.
On my unexpected Sat night in I was flipping between mumsnet, friends on Whatsapp and bumble.
Today's chap is 54 and knows I'm not planning to move in a man to my house with two kids.
He also knows I got flaked on last night bless him.
We will see
My only concern is his teeth. All is pics are closed mouth smile. Can't be doing with manky teeth 🤣

Don’t feel you have to go older if you don’t want to.

CreationNat1on · 11/05/2025 11:30

Enjoy the coffee chit chat, provide a teeth update in due course.

glendagood · 11/05/2025 11:31

"I also think many women see a relationship as a safety net, emotionally, financially and socially as it's seen as status symbol to be partnered up. But what are we bringing to the relationship table?"

Yes I had a couple of short relationships with men who were financially better off. It did actually feel in both cases like they were making some sort of purchase rather than starting and trying to maintain a relationship.

I realised it's not something I need to think about especially as I am very independent but I think it is something ingrained in us as women.

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 11:36

Don’t feel you have to go older if you don’t want to.
I'm 49 so 54 feels ok.
Flaky man was 55 and my ex H 57.
I'm fine with perhaps 5-6 years older if they are slim and fit. Height doesn't bother me much nor does baldness if they are fit

What I cannot fancy is older, fat, bald and bad grammar/comms.

OP posts:

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 11:45

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 11:36

Don’t feel you have to go older if you don’t want to.
I'm 49 so 54 feels ok.
Flaky man was 55 and my ex H 57.
I'm fine with perhaps 5-6 years older if they are slim and fit. Height doesn't bother me much nor does baldness if they are fit

What I cannot fancy is older, fat, bald and bad grammar/comms.

That’s good to have standards! I’d go the same amount of years younger too to balance it out, men have no problem doing that.

dottydodah · 11/05/2025 11:52

I think OLD is a strange game.My DD has had a fair number of people not showing up,seeming older/younger or just mismatched .Often met and 1 date .Middle aged men seem to enjoy being "young" again, and "playing the field" often just like going to a sweet shop ,for a different flavour wine gum! DD has decided to just enjoy a coffee or lunch out and see what gives now .A friend reconnected with an old mate she knew when younger, through a shared hobby.Going well AFAIK .Can you try something similar maybe? 49 is very young DF is older than you!

BeEagerTurtle · 11/05/2025 13:20

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 11:04

We have very different experiences then.

I’m late 50’s and none of my single friends want a live in partner ever again. It’s been the men who seem to be looking for a wife replacement

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Actually no , I think our experiences are very similar - but reversed genders

I would never live with woman again, but light dating , days out , dinners , the odd stay over is perfect- it’s been the women looks for partner’s & relationship etc - never again

aquashiv · 11/05/2025 13:44

Just be thankful you found out early; he’s unreliable. Imagine wasting time dating him.
See my post...

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 13:51

True. He showed me who is is early.
Meeting 2pm man in a sec.

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Gymbunny2025 · 11/05/2025 13:59

Good luck 😉

aquashiv · 11/05/2025 14:36

Good luck, it only takes one 😎

HopscotchBanana · 11/05/2025 14:39

Oooh, I'm excited for you OP! Do let us know how it goes

AhBiscuits · 11/05/2025 14:56

As has been said many times, it's a numbers game. When I was doing it I was always speaking to several men at once, went on dates quickly, moved on quickly. I was doing one or two dates a week, telling them all I had somewhere to be but can meet for a coffee or one drink. Usually you know pretty instantly of it's a runner. When I went on the date with DH, I confessed after the drink that I'd lied about needing to be somewhere and stayed for another. I also cancelled my other scheduled date for that week.

Crushed23 · 11/05/2025 15:49

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 19:58

I thought I could spot low effort or players but clearly not.
Most men I swipe right on don't match.
Those that do match, I message and then nothing.
Then the really rare one like this that chats on Whatsapp and set up a date, then cancels.
😥
No idea how this is supposed to work for anyone.
Maybe if you're 28 slim and no baggage. Then the 55 year olds will be all over you.

Edited

He doesn’t sound like a player at all though? He was honest with you that he had met someone else and cancelled the date so as to not waste your time and his. That’s the opposite of a player. A player would have strung you along for a few weeks, had sex with you, while still dating/shagging other women, and THEN disappeared.
Anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. Delete/block and don’t give him another moment’s thought. Next!

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 11/05/2025 16:10

Well the guy I met for coffee today was nice and genuine enough but totally no spark for me. And yes he had nice teeth.
He was super nervous. Never been married or kids (54) and I'm sure he'd be right for someone but not me.
I thanked him for meeting up and wished him well with his search.
At least it's all practice.

OP posts:

Jacarandill · 11/05/2025 17:25

Crushed23 · 11/05/2025 15:49

He doesn’t sound like a player at all though? He was honest with you that he had met someone else and cancelled the date so as to not waste your time and his. That’s the opposite of a player. A player would have strung you along for a few weeks, had sex with you, while still dating/shagging other women, and THEN disappeared.
Anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. Delete/block and don’t give him another moment’s thought. Next!

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I agree. Total opposite of a player. He was very honest.