Page 6 | Shit men on dating apps.

ThatAquaRobin · 2025-05-10T13:13:59+00:00

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point? I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble. He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend. We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it. Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest" Am I naive or is this the norm now? Honestly I just want to cry What's the point?

Twiglets1 · 13/05/2025 18:31

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 19:58

I thought I could spot low effort or players but clearly not.
Most men I swipe right on don't match.
Those that do match, I message and then nothing.
Then the really rare one like this that chats on Whatsapp and set up a date, then cancels.
😥
No idea how this is supposed to work for anyone.
Maybe if you're 28 slim and no baggage. Then the 55 year olds will be all over you.

Edited

My daughter has been dating online since she was about 28 - slim and with no baggage but had loads of disappointing experiences, so did her single friends.

One of her friends took the view - it’s a numbers game - and dated like it was her second job. So many dates but she did eventually meet a good man who is now her boyfriend. My daughter has finally met someone who seems decent too. But that’s after several years of online dating (with frequent breaks each time she got totally disillusioned).

So it’s not easy for 28 year olds either! To me it seems like it’s much easier for men if they are decent looking because more women are looking for a relationship rather than just a hook up.

Gymbunny2025 · 13/05/2025 18:40

ThatAquaRobin · 13/05/2025 18:10

Not sure I can change my age now without deleting and restarting. I've paid for a month so I'm reluctant to do that.
Definitely don't want to do a mucky holiday.
I want sex with a hot intelligent man near my age. But they all want sex with women in their 30s.
It's shit.

But women in their 30s want exactly that too (sex with someone hot close to their age). Why would 50 year old men set themselves up to fail so badly? That doesn’t make any sense to me! Not saying it’s not true, I’ve never done OLD. I’m just surprised

Disturbia81 · 13/05/2025 18:44

Gymbunny2025 · 13/05/2025 18:40

But women in their 30s want exactly that too (sex with someone hot close to their age). Why would 50 year old men set themselves up to fail so badly? That doesn’t make any sense to me! Not saying it’s not true, I’ve never done OLD. I’m just surprised

Show quote history

Exactly, not many women want an older man so these sleazy men will be very lonely.
In real life most people are with someone their own age.
I wouldn’t even want to be with a man who wanted a younger woman, it says so much about them.

Crushed23 · 13/05/2025 18:52

Disturbia81 · 13/05/2025 18:44

Exactly, not many women want an older man so these sleazy men will be very lonely.
In real life most people are with someone their own age.
I wouldn’t even want to be with a man who wanted a younger woman, it says so much about them.

Show quote history

Indeed. Men in their 50s may want to have sex with a 28 year-old, it doesn’t mean that they get to.

I’m a bit older (mid-30s) and my age filter was 28-42 when I was OLD, and I mainly matched with men 30-35.

Sodthesystem · 13/05/2025 20:29

I'd just put your range younger and go with it. Men seem to let themselves go big time by late 30s.

Meena50 · 14/05/2025 06:23

@ThatAquaRobin you could put a couple of years younger, just to get into that age bracket?

I agree though, all my single friends look hot and even me, i can look good when I want to. But men see an age and think decrepit! The reality is most men nearing 50 don't look that great themselves! Both my exes did look good but had even more issues yet were inundated on apps as so few 50 year old men look decent.

Can't win!

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 06:49

I think you’d be surprised how many women in their 20s and 30s would go for an older man, particularly those who want a nice lifestyle.

I dated a good looking guy in his late forties and he had his pick of much younger women. He didn’t like it because they were all (in his words) ‘gold diggers’.

Gymbunny2025 · 14/05/2025 07:02

They were probably assuming he was up for being a sugar daddy he just didn’t realise poor guy 😂 that’s why he thought they were gold diggers- because the arrangement is they slept with him for financial reasons!

MyOliveHelper · 14/05/2025 07:30

Don't lie about your age. Why would you want a man who would say yes to you at 39 but not 41?

SantasLargerHelper · 14/05/2025 07:53

So another perspective here... I went for men 30 to 55 (I'm 55) and had some really fun dates with younger men. I think they seem very interested in older women. But then I accidentally stumbled across a lovely man my own age and we have been happily in a relationship ever since.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 08:31

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 06:49

I think you’d be surprised how many women in their 20s and 30s would go for an older man, particularly those who want a nice lifestyle.

I dated a good looking guy in his late forties and he had his pick of much younger women. He didn’t like it because they were all (in his words) ‘gold diggers’.

Well yeah but that’s the money loving types. They want the lifestyle.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 08:34

SantasLargerHelper · 14/05/2025 07:53

So another perspective here... I went for men 30 to 55 (I'm 55) and had some really fun dates with younger men. I think they seem very interested in older women. But then I accidentally stumbled across a lovely man my own age and we have been happily in a relationship ever since.

They are. I have far more men in their 20s chasing me now in my 40s than I ever had in my actual 20s! And it’s not for money, I have none 😆
When I was young it was older men chasing. It’s all messed up

SantasLargerHelper · 14/05/2025 09:14

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 08:34

They are. I have far more men in their 20s chasing me now in my 40s than I ever had in my actual 20s! And it’s not for money, I have none 😆
When I was young it was older men chasing. It’s all messed up

Show quote history

It was a joy to me to discover this. When I looked at older men, I shuddered tbh.

I drew the line at 20 somethings in my 50s, although they were keen as well. I would very much recommend younger men though. Found the ones I hooked up with to be absolutely lovely, fun, respectful and up for anything.

Absolutely gave me my confidence back.

QueenBakingBee · 14/05/2025 10:05

OP, may I suggest something? My kids are old enough to be left alone for an hour or so, so appreciate this might not work if yours are younger. I would do coffee/first drink dates on weeknights, my kid free weekends are precious so wouldn't be kept for these type of dates anyway. Friends or me time was reserved for Saturdays. Then if cancellations happened, I wasn't so cross about not having other plans lined up.

SnugCoralFinch · 14/05/2025 10:19

I’m 34 and I’ve been single for years and I can’t see it changing.

The chances of me meeting someone I’m compatible with and where there is mutual interest for a relationship is slim to non existent. I would rather remain single for life than settle for the not even mediocre guys who are on dating apps 😄

I don’t want anything groundbreaking, but a lot of men on OLD are looking for a free therapist, no strings hooks ups with whoever will have them or they just want to send smut. There are decent guys on there but finding them requires so much filtering and interaction with awful people that the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze for me. If I do meet someone it will be randomly in person as I have no desire to use a dating app ever again. 🤣

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 11:47

Hmm. Managing expectations.
Long Whatsapp chat and voice call with new guy last night, with tentative plans to meet this or next weekend.
Radio silence now.
Which way will it go?
Ghosting or real thing?

OP posts:

MyOliveHelper · 14/05/2025 11:55

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 11:47

Hmm. Managing expectations.
Long Whatsapp chat and voice call with new guy last night, with tentative plans to meet this or next weekend.
Radio silence now.
Which way will it go?
Ghosting or real thing?

What do you mean radio silence now? It's 1145am!

Original poster

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 11:58

Yeah I know. I was crap at this in my 20s. Still crap now.
I sort of expect the he worst with OLD

OP posts:

MyOliveHelper · 14/05/2025 12:01

I'd call radio silence more like 2-3 days minimum

QueenBakingBee · 14/05/2025 12:33

OP it feels like to are investing a lot into dating. That's no bad thing but worrying about radio silence after you've had a good chat last night, it feels like you are investing too much for your precious energy into this.

I would only dedicate 1 hour per day max into initial dating chat, otherwise it gets too much.

Sodthesystem · 14/05/2025 14:36

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 06:49

I think you’d be surprised how many women in their 20s and 30s would go for an older man, particularly those who want a nice lifestyle.

I dated a good looking guy in his late forties and he had his pick of much younger women. He didn’t like it because they were all (in his words) ‘gold diggers’.

So he was a scumball then.

No younger women dating older men are not all gold diggers. Can't believe you think this asshole is a catch. Men who use the phrase GOLDDIGGER are all, all mysoginists.

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 15:03

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 06:49

I think you’d be surprised how many women in their 20s and 30s would go for an older man, particularly those who want a nice lifestyle.

I dated a good looking guy in his late forties and he had his pick of much younger women. He didn’t like it because they were all (in his words) ‘gold diggers’.

And yet the younger men being talked about on this thread arent being referred to as cocklodgers Internalised misogyny at its finest

User135644 · 14/05/2025 15:12

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 08:34

They are. I have far more men in their 20s chasing me now in my 40s than I ever had in my actual 20s! And it’s not for money, I have none 😆
When I was young it was older men chasing. It’s all messed up

Show quote history

Ironically younger men do it because they're not getting anywhere with women their own age who have the pick of everyone.

Crushed23 · 14/05/2025 15:47

User135644 · 14/05/2025 15:12

Ironically younger men do it because they're not getting anywhere with women their own age who have the pick of everyone.

Show quote history

I disagree with this. I had a fling with a guy in his early 20s last year (I was 34) who was exceptionally good looking, popular etc. and had the pick of women his age and now has a hot 20something girlfriend.
In fact, he was one of the hottest guy I’ve been with 😅

Some men just have a thing for older women.

Crushed23 · 14/05/2025 16:08

SnugCoralFinch · 14/05/2025 10:19

I’m 34 and I’ve been single for years and I can’t see it changing.

The chances of me meeting someone I’m compatible with and where there is mutual interest for a relationship is slim to non existent. I would rather remain single for life than settle for the not even mediocre guys who are on dating apps 😄

I don’t want anything groundbreaking, but a lot of men on OLD are looking for a free therapist, no strings hooks ups with whoever will have them or they just want to send smut. There are decent guys on there but finding them requires so much filtering and interaction with awful people that the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze for me. If I do meet someone it will be randomly in person as I have no desire to use a dating app ever again. 🤣

What’s your age range on the apps? I’m mid-30s too and found that going slightly younger helped. Men my age who were still single just seemed so… jaded and damaged? They were all invariably looking for an unpaid therapist…

Currently dating a guy a few years younger who I met IRL rather than OLD and it’s going well so far.