My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

[baari]

Currently stormed out of the house
we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do
needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house
stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done.
I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

Thank you Emonade and Picle ❤️ my heart goes out to you

@baari please don’t have another child with this man…I totally understand why you want a sibling for your child but it really, really isn’t in the best interest of that child to be born into this situation.
kindly, I think you need to separate… do you want your daughter growing up in the is environment and thinking this is normal?

Then said he wants to Divorce.

Tell him he is welcome to one.
And don't have another child for heaven's sake!

I’m not sure the soft play comment itself was so inflammatory but the eyebrow bit is making me wonder if you weren’t giving out incredibly furious vibes. It kind of exploded at the end of your op as though that might be the main issue driving all of this?

When I was younger I used to argue with my husband before events: people coming round, holidays, going to meet people. I used to get worked up and my tone would change and I would be snappy. My husband would react to this and we’d argue.

It’s taken me years to realise I don’t need to get so wound up. My husband would get to the point he’d say he didn’t want people over because of how stressed I’d get before they came, trying to make the house look a certain way or whatever. That goes as you get older.

Try and make up and have a lovely holiday. Remember to reflect on your own behaviour as well as his.

Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say fck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce.

Why is it OK for him to speak to you with an angry tone but not vice versa?

The Soft Play suggestion would have surprised me too since it seems like there's some urgency to get everything ready to go away, but even if you're minimising or leaving out some things on your side that might have upset him, he's still overreacted to it, both with the yelling and swearing and then with the threats of divorce.

If he's frequently making you "walk on eggshells" to avoid an angry/violent outburst then that definitely could constitute abuse (making you police your own feelings and behaviour because you've learned to fear or expect negative and unpleasant consequences for having a different opinion or idea from him). It's a miserable way to live and you and your child should not have to put up with that (and obviously, don't have another baby while these issue still exist in your relationship).

Unless he recognises that there's a problem and gets some professional help things are unlikely to change.

In the grand scheme of your post, eyebrows are irrelevant and can be dealt with like a martini…any time, any place, any where. Only a certain demographic will get that.

As for your husband, give him what he wants - a divorce. You’ll be relieved.

How is it cruel and horrible to post this? OP has started a thread titled ‘my husband is the worst human to ever exist’ yet she has another thread going about her TTC another baby with this man.

Not cruel and horrible at all… the OP is just baffling. Why is she in a relationship and TTC with the worst human to ever exist?

I have no idea why you would want to stay with this manchild, let alone go on holiday together. Divorce asap.

Is it OP?

I also suspect this

I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

It's not a lottery, he wasn't assigned to you. He's the man you picked, you chose to marry him.

Take responsibility

How is it cruel and horrible to post this

Maybe because it’s exceptionally judgemental and victim blaming?

This is the weirdest thread I have come across. I’m not sure why you’re even contemplating going on holiday tomorrow. Just take the financial hit and sort your life out. It sounds like the relationship has finished frankly cause it’s clearly not healthy. Who cares about your eyebrows in the grand scheme of it all?

But OP is not the only victim in all this.

Children who grow up in abusive households tend to carry that trauma with them forever. It is prudent for OP to consider whether it is appropriate to bring another baby into this environment. It’s not right for kids to grow up in an unsafe and volatile environment, just because you can have more children it doesn’t mean you have to. Realistically babies add more strain, not less. This household is already struggling to cope.

Wow what a thoroughly nasty piece of work you are.

Women are under massive pressure to meet certain societal beauty standards.

The OP was not whining she simply wanted a bit of time for self care.

Sounds to me like six of one and half a dozen of the other!

Is this usual behaviour or pre-holiday stress?

Oh god please for the life of me stop. I didn’t get beyond “op is not the only victim… children who grow up in households…”

This happens on every single thread where a woman is having a hard time with horrible treatment by a partner. Every. Single. One. and I for one am so bloody sick of it.

Stop using women’s reproductive choices as a stick to beat them with in the game of let’s blame women for the bad behaviour of men.

Thank you.

exactly. Heaven forbid a woman take a moment for self-care.

so many people being so awful to OP just because she happened to mention she was getting her eyebrows done.

the misogyny all over this site is truly out of control at the moment.

Meanwhile on the women’s rights board they spend all day everyday gloating about destroying the lives of trans people. I can’t with mumsnet these days 😭

Yes it’s judgemental… people literally post in this forum to have people judge their life situations.

I don’t believe this is victim blaming. OP knows that her DH is an arsehole, has called him the worst human to ever exist, and is actively TTC another child with him. Make that make sense.

I understand plenty of men change for the worse after their partners have children, but this woman knows her partner is useless and is actively trying to bring another child into this toxic situation. If anyone is the victim here it’s the children.

Sorry no. We do not get to berate someone for having no savings whilst going on holiday with them. Unless Op is going to come back and tell me that she paid for the holiday that’s not ok. They’re supposed to be a joint unit. If a man was here complaining about his spouse having no money and he was to jet off the golf course he would he ripped a new one.

How many threads are there on here about joint entities?

And this is derailing the thread slightly but it’s hard to let this one pass.

they’re not gloating. they are simply celebrating the fact that women’s rights may finally be recognised after the last decade of madness and men dressed as women may no longer legally invade women’s bathrooms, changing rooms, rape crisis centres, DV shelters, prisons, sports… if you think that’s ‘destroying’ the lives of trans people then I don’t know what to say to you. If trans peoples lives are made or broken around the fact that they get access women’s safe spaces and resources, then maybe they need to have a long hard look at how they’re living their lives.

The problem with posts like the op is that they are so one sided and without any reflection that it becomes quite difficult to work out the truth of the situation. It’s likely it was an argument but the post makes it sound like he flipped for no reason. They are likely to be away on holiday now having either fallen in or brushed it under the carpet so the post itself becomes kind of meaningless.

It sounds like a terrible relationship. Whether it’s an abusive one or not is hard to call because there is no knowledge of the dynamics or patterns of behaviour or how each react to the other. I think people can be too quick to call out emotional abuse when emotional abuse is serious and much more intricate than a heated argument in a stressful situation.