My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

[baari]

Currently stormed out of the house
we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do
needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house
stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done.
I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

There are periods where things are fine and we chat and have fun like a normal couple
but ofcourse in the background is the fear anything can set him off. So being careful is how I avoid these. Today obviously I wasn’t
so yeah there’s that

She was upset by her husband, threatening to throw her out and get a divorce for offering an opinion on a toddler’s tea. It’s called hyperbole. HTH.

But only one of them is being a cunt.

It was never meant to be taken literally
it’s how I felt in the moment. Ofcourse there are worse men.

After seeing that I’m out

I thought there was something odd about her post but couldn’t quite put my finger on it

And I know it’s probably not the wisest thing
but I really wish I could give my child a siblings just so she has somebody when life’s tough / or even if her parents are making her life touchy. My siblings have helped me so much so I feel like I’m depriving her of something

So if you are constantly walking on eggshells you're in an abusive relationship. Your child is being exposed to abuse and under coercive control legislation I think that makes it aggravated abuse.

I am wondering where abouts he has gone?

I am very suspicious when someone starts to cause arguments to justify leaving the house, especially when it is just before they are going away for a week or two

I hate to say it but I would think he has either a mistress or an addiction where being on holiday means he can’t do what he normally does
Does he gamble. It would explain why he doesn’t have any savings if he is the higher earner

Personally I wouldn’t be telling him how much money you have saved. I would be spending it (hiding it) and keeping tabs on what he is doing with all his money.
Its going somewhere.

I would be looking to get evidence of what pension he has, photographing any pay slips, P60s, bank and credit card statements etc.

I also wonder if he has actually got a house. I know it sounds strange but throwing in a random sentence about not buying a house just makes me think he already has one.

I know I sound cynical but you would be surprised at what people do and say and think especially when they have something to hide. And when they are thinking about divorce

Regarding his mother. Did she leave him anything or is his dad still alive.
Maybe because I have seen people do all sorts of things over the years and they always follow a pattern. I would wonder why there is this wall when it comes to his mother’s death. It feels like he uses that to excuse his behaviour or keep you at arms length so you don’t look too closely at things. (You can look at her will on line it costs about £2)

FWIW ignore anyone who tells you that they can kick you out of the marital home. They know nothing and it usually comes as a huge shock when they realise what is considered marital property.

I really wish I could give my child a siblings just so she has somebody when life’s tough

Maybe if you split you could find someone to give you a sibling for your child.
You don’t have to remain married to someone who has you always checking what you say. It’s no life for you and certainly no life for your child

You don’t have to explain or justify your thoughts, feelings or decisions.

For what it’s worth, I think you are in an emotionally abusive relationship based on the bits you’ve shared here and I can see myself several years ago. Emotional abuse is incredibly hard to live with. There are times it’s all fine and you lean in and feel loved but then suddenly it’s not fine and you are abused. You never quite know where you stand. You walk on eggshells and double check yourself.

He may be a lovely dad now, but what about when she becomes a stroppy teenager and defies him or pisses him off? What’s he like with other people if they piss him off? What’s his relationship like with siblings/mum? Does he have long term friends or does he fall out with people?

It’s time to start putting on a new pair of glasses and look with new eyes. Start learning about emotional abuse. Start questioning it. Keep a journal and notice patterns.

You dont have to take action now but set a date in 6 months to review your journal to see.

Please skip the holiday, split up and get a divorce as soon as possible. Also, don't have any more children with this man. In this situation siblings would just learn to fight with each other, as that is what they see their parents do.

This is a miserable situation all around, but you might still have a chance of happiness if you get a divorce.

I checked out at the mention of vital eyebrows 🙄

He's probably got a girlfriend and is feeling antsy about leaving her to go on holiday - she's most likely giving him grief too about going away with you. So he has engineered a row to get out of the house and spend time with her.

...however, hopefully you'll get pregnant soon and that will make everything OK 🥰.

Does it make you feel better
being mean to someone already struggling ?

How is it mean to hope you have the baby you wish for?

I’m sorry my minds all over
thought perhaps you’re being sarcastic

How would having another baby with this man possibly make everything ok in your opinion?

@baari

I know you want to give your child a sibling. But is is really wise to bring another child (no matter what the reason) into a dysfunctional home life?

And I think you need to contemplate whether the 'real times' in the marriage are the bad times and the 'good times' are the exception to that.

You’re right and I fully agree. It’s hard but something I need to process

At first I thought you’re both likely tired and stressed. But your later posts suggest you are often treading on eggshells with him which is no way for you to live and not a healthy environment for any child too. You are obviously just giving a snapshot of things here but if he often ignores you, storms out or starts swearing at stuff, I think you should reflect on how life could be without the worry of saying/doing the wrong thing. You may think it’s ‘easier’ to just carry on with this dynamic but if you do your self esteem will plummet and your children will grow up with an unhealthy idea of what a relationship should be and impact them in ways you cannot see. Please think carefully about your options. I wish you well and I hope you can find a positive way forward.

Ok, I'll bite...are you really that blinkered that you think having another baby with this man is a good idea?
You might want another baby but what is best for your existing child? When you have DC, your wants go out of the window because it is all about the existing child's needs.
No child needs to be brought up in the home environment you describe. A volatile father and a downtrodden mother.
I think most MNers would agree that men don't change. They really don't. Do yourself a favour, get out of this marriage as soon as you can before you condemn yourself to a life of misery.

I think that would be wise. And you may want to consider processing it with the help of a good counselor. They can be invaluable at helping you to 'pick through it all' and come out with the best decisions for yourself and your child.

Just be open to possibilities and honest with yourself. Both can be scary and painful, but are so worth it in the end.

Do you want to go on holiday with him?
Do you want to come back to live with him?

Thank you too all those people who have shown me kindness, and taken the time to give me good advice and anecdotes from their own experiences ❤️
silent prayer for you all